Puppy fat or more serious?

[Echobelly]

DH mentioned to me that he thought DD (10) was looking a bit pudgy round the middle, and I had noticed it too, but think it may just be a growing thing, as have discussed this with some friends and they were saying their kids at this age do seem to put on weight, but then have a growth spurt and the excess weight goes. I don't want to make a big thing of this, but nor do I want to be blasé. Basically her midsection is looking loose and flabby, not just normal sticky-out round child tummy. Her arms and legs seem slim. DH says he is concerned about her snacking, though I'm not sure it's excessive. She's not sedentary - moves around a lot and walks to and from school a mile each way during term time.

DH suggests he sets them a challenge together to snack less, and I've said ok, but don't mention fat/weight, as I think that can easily go the wrong way and set up negative attitudes to her body etc which I absolutely want to avoid.

Do people think this is a growth thing, or should we be (sensitively) managing habits?

I agree, walking a mile isn't going to have any impact unless she walks fast enough to be breathing heavily and sweating a bit. Does she have money for snacks in the way home? I see lots of children calling in the shop on their way home buying family sized bags I'd. Risks or packets of biscuits. Does she have a school dinner or packed lunch?

My DS is going through the podgy midrift stage at the moment. He is 11. He does alot of exercise and we don't have rubbish in the house. His elder brother went through the same stage, mixture of early stages of puberty and growth. My eldest skipped into high school and played Rugby and was super lean. My DD who is now 14 is pin thin but was a big baby and thinned out at school but also went through the podgy midrift stage at the end of primary school. She eats better than all of us and happily snacks on tomatos, cucumbers or apples. You have to be careful your DH isn't focussing on her because she is a girl. It is right to be careful with their diet however if you know she is healthy, eating well with no excessive snacking and exercising then don't turn this into a issue.

You can teach balance and moderation without linking it to body size and weight.

The society that young girls grow up in constantly judges them. Their parents should not be reinforcing that.

Teaching girls to diet if they are a few pounds over weight is the wrong approach. Diets do not work, they just set you up for a lifetime of poor self esteem and statistically are linked to obesity.

What works is an overall good attitude to health , food and wellbeing that diesn’t Link food to appearance and self esteem.

Crisps not risks!!!

My youngest DDs school has just introduced a manual to PE(secondary). Have only had a very quick look but it seems to be all about diet, and how it's not to lose weight but to provide the fuel your body needs; about how the body works etc etc. Could you get something similar for your family to get you all healthy and following a healthy diet?

Echobelly
DH suggests he sets them a challenge together to snack less, and I've said ok, but don't mention fat/weight, as I think that can easily go the wrong way and set up negative attitudes to her body etc which I absolutely want to avoid.

Your DH's challenge does not sound very subtle. I'm guessing your daughter has a good chance of picking up on your/your DH's subtext here. If this is a weight, rather than bloating, issue and your daughter isn't about to have a growth spurt, I would think it's better to address this with less fanfare - you can shift food choices/opportunities to move about, exercise etc without making an announcement.

I wish i’d Been taught about food and nutrition and how it works inside your body. And about the psychology of addiction andnit’s Link to consumer culture. And emotional wellbeing and strategies for emotional regulation and stress relief. And how to keep good self esteem and mental health.

Rather than taught that food is either good or bad and how much you eat of it makes you good or bad . And that some bodies are good and some are bad and that makes you either good or bad. And that others judged me by the shape of my body and I should do that too.

Have a look at Rebelfit, which has quite a few interesting posts about the natural transition that girls start to go through at this age and some suggestions about how to handle it. It’s very normal for girls to gain weight in preparation for puberty, and then slim down afterwards. Rebelfit has some really good suggestions for how to help girls handle their changing bodies.

Attached pic of her today (not taken for this post, but conveniently anonymous!) for context. I don't think it's bloating around her tummy, as I'd expect that to be hard and stretched, not a bit loose.

Re DH's attitudes to bodies, he doesn't have a thing about women's bodies - I've put on a bit of weight since we married, but he's never policed me, he's a bit overly critical of his own body ime. I do imagine he is keen to avoid any accusations from his mum that he is letting his daughter 'get fat' though.

How much does she weigh and how tall is she?
All the comments are all very well about not making an issue of her weight....but if her weight IS an issue then it's important to do something about it (gently and kindly of course) before it became unmanageable issue.
If she's a kilo over weight then it's just "keep an eye on it".....if it turns out she's several.kilos or more overweight then something needs to be done IMO.
People are so terrified of "making an issue about weight" but if your kid is obese (not yours personally, OP.....A general "your") their weight IS an issue and needs to be solved with them involved. It's not a taboo subject IMO.

Having seen that picture OP your kid doesn't look overweight at all. Unless you've put on 10000000 Snapchat filters she looks a perfectly healthy weight.

Very similar to my DD. She is now 12 and still has puppy fat around the stomach area. She is very slightly overweight but she doesn't care. She wears belly tops and they look awful on her but she doesn't worry. I tried everything to get rid of her tum as she has always had puppy fat but have just decided it must be her body shape. She was 8ib 110z when she was born and has always been at least one size sometimes two bigger in clothes. She is fit (not sporty though!!) and she walks alot and enjoys swimming. My main problem now is as she is 12 she is doing more and more without me and they often go to the shop and eat sweets and fizzy drinks which she doesn't really have at home. But as she has no worry about her weight she eats them. My good friends daughter who is the same stage is so body concious she runs all day everyday and eats nothing but salad and thinks she is fat and has a tape measure in her pocket at all times to measure her waist. She is tiny and her whole life revolves around the fact she thinks she is fat. Although I would like my DD to be smaller I know she is fit and I feed her heathily and the fact she is happy with her body I have stopped worrying a bit. My hubby thinks we should ban her from going to friends houses and stop giving her pocket money so she cant buy sweets. She is very developed up above now and don't think it will be long before she starts her periods so I am hoping that some of the weight will start to drop off then. It is very hard because we are generally a slim family and have never had to watch our weight but husbands mum and sisters are exactly like my dd.

But my point is that you CAN do something about obesity by teaching all the things i’ve Suggested. It’s actually far more likely to have a long term affect on health and keep her a healthy weight than teaching her to judge her body and how to « diet»

Your DH may not realise the lessons he’s picked up from his mum. They are insidious and become part of our psychology from an early age. If you read a little about the psychology of eating disorders then it may just help him be aware of it and be more consciousness about the messages he subconsciously gives his daughter. Not suggesting that’s he’s an overtly critical, judgemental person, but he will be a product of his mum and it’s helpful for him to realise that.

Yeah from the photo my heart breaks for your DD. She looks totally normal.

Reminds me of photo I found when I was clearing out my tennage bedroom. Of me at 12 in a bikini on holiday, looking totally and utterly normal and healthy. But I’d meticulously stuck a pin through it a few dozen times, perforating the surface so it is like a teabag.

That’s a lot of self hate for a 12 year old to carry.

My dad used to tell me I was «big boned» and «chubby» . My mum used to put me on diets. Ofcourse they never worked because they just lowered my self esteem, made me binge on all the «bad» food in secret to try and raise my mood, made me feel even worse about myself after and then live with that guilt and self hatred.

I have a 10 year old DD who is naturally very slim but literally eats loads and snacks but I don’t police her eating at all as she is a healthy weight & does lots of exercise. I just talk to her about there being no good or bad food but everything in moderation and you need to eat good food & lots of fruit and veg to grow up strong & healthy but there’s nothing wrong with having a bowl of ice cream either! From your photo I think your DD looks totally normal and not overweight at all!

Ok.....I think saying "your heart breaks for her" is a bit extreme, hooochycoo so far noone has said anything to this child about her weight....her father has mentioned to her mother that she might have gained weight. I'm sorry about how you felt as a child and the effect your parents making comments like that had on you but it's not fair to project that onto the OPs situation which is worlds apart from that.

Yeah fair enough changednamedsorry, I am projecting and taking it abit personally.

Important to say that there isn’t ever a single cause of an eating disorder. It’s far more complicated than that. Apologies for my emotional reaction to the photo.

She looks like a totally normal kid. Because she is a totally normal kid. Obesity that needs to be worried about can be spotted easily.

Your daughter looks entirely normal for her age.

My word OP your DD in that photo is perfect. I think you all need to be careful not to start projecting your anxieties onto your DD as this is a prime age for eating disorders. Normal healthy eating is something we should be as adults showing our DC, it’s role modelling. The number of DC I see who are overweight and I mean massive waist and clearly fat having their mothers mainly constantly dieting and going on about food and making half hearted efforts to take up some exercise. Very damaging to DC and create a bad relationship to food.

The bairn looks great ,I wouldn't worry about how she looks now, just stop any further weight on her tummy by adjusting her food portions a teeny bit and encouraging her sporting activities . She looks fine honestly

Please don't go along with this challenge idea of your husband's. It's an dangerous idea to openly challenge a child to eat less (even if it's only to eat less junk food) - even if they don't pick up on the 'we think you're chubby' subtext, anything that adds any sort of competitive element to eating less could quite easily spiral out of control. I've been there.

Based on the photo you've posted, your DD genuinely doesn't look to be carrying excess weight to me. She's not at the skinnier end of the healthy range but looks to be perfectly normal and healthy, especially at an age where puberty's probably kicking in.

If the photo is misleading and you genuinely think she's gained a bit more weight than necessary, I think the way to approach it would be to just change up the snacks you have available in the home. If you feel the need to reference the change at all, you could say "we're going to eat [such and such] as snacks from now on - I've learned that they're great brain fuel and will give us plenty of long lasting healthy energy, which will be really helpful for going back to school". That sort of thing.

although thinking about it i'm not that sorry.

this little girl is totally normal

I was totally normal.

but i was taught by my parents that I should distrust and despise my body and that I my self worth should be linked to how well I could deny myself food. And not in an overt abusive way. Just being simply told that I was chubby and should go on a diet. In a gentle and kind way. and quite often not told at all, just overheard comments between my parents and others, just observed looks between them, just sudden refusals to give puddings and giving me "a lovely salad" that will be good for me, just a reluctance to compliment me when I wore clothes than showed my tummy. All small insidious things, not meant to destroy me. but they did.

Yes there were and will be other factors as to whether to above scenario develops into a full blown eating disorder. But even if it doesn't, it will still instill the predominant unhealthy attitudes to food and body image in this country. As evidenced by the amount of women on this thread that thin it is appropriate to discuss a developing child's body and police what she eats.

My son got podgy around the middle from about 10 to 15ish. I think it might have been hormonal?

I just carried on giving him the usual - we don't really do unhealthy food anyway. He's not very active, only really likes walking and swimming, but I know that weight is way more about diet, so I didn't push him on that either. I did cut his portion sizes gradually (he was a big eater), so he didn't really notice.

He's now 17 and skinny as a rake, eats like a horse, much more than he used to, and I have no idea why or how this has happened. But hormones may play a big part?

I wouldn't make a big deal about it - just alter her portions if you think you need to (more veg, less carbs/sugar etc), ditch the snacks for healthy ones (or no snacks) and there's every possibility she will grow out of the tum.

She looks completely normal. I had a similar body type at her age - slim legs but softer tummy. I would have said I was chubbier than your dd for sure, then at 14 it all fell off and I ended up a stone lighter at 19 than I was at 12 (those were the days).