To wonder what I have done to upset them?

[angelicanto]

So DHs brother and his wife live just over an hour from us. They have dcs very close in age to our dcs who all adore each other. I have text my sil recently a few times about various things.....Ds' bday party, arrangements for mils bday , no reply. We have a family WhatsApp, put holiday pics on it and no comment. Posted a party invite, still no response. Then I found out that yesterday they came over from where they live to go shopping in the city where we live and afterwards Dh's parents (who live an hour in the other direction) met them for lunch at a pub which is Literally one minute from our house. Both have travelled over an hour and would have driven right past our door, but never said?? I was at home with dcs and they would have loved to have seen their cousins. So I feel like I’m now some kind of pariah but don’t know why?

DH saw his parents today and had the dcs with them, and they told him that they had been at our local pub for lunch yesterday and didn't seem to think it was a problem. When I said to DH I was upset by this he said "but they (meaning his parents) have seen the boys today", and he thinks I am
Overreacting.

I am wracking my brains to think of why I am getting the silent treatment? Should I ask them?

I would be really hurt by this too OP.
DH should be asking his brother.

Just ask them.

YANBU to be upset. I agree that your DH needs to ask his brother.

Do you actually regard your BIL's wife as your friend?

Because if it's just that the children are friendly, she probably doesn't see it as her job to facilitate contact with her husband's family.

It would be like feeling you have to visit the parent's of the children's school friends just because you have lunch near their house.

Well I have known her for 16 years and yes I suppose I do regard her as a friend.

And bil and both pils were there too!

I'd be upset too! And how fucking rude that they just ignore your messages and invites too! I'd have to say something and ask if I'd upset them.

The only things I can think of are that our holiday photos have upset them as they didn't go on holiday, but I thought this was out of choice as they are usually home birds

Or, months ago sil suggested a joint present for mils big bday and I replied but put it on the backburner as its not for another couple of months so we still have time to sort it out

Mate just ask them x

This isn't PILs fault they've seen your boys the day after, it may be that BIL and SIL are annoyed with you about something but PIL don't want to get involved

This would upset me too, I think your husband needs to ask his parents and his brother
Hope you get a good ending x

My brother in law's wife is like this with me. She blows really hot and cold too.

If she decides she's "into you" at the moment she's all over you but it is always on her terms.

I've lost count of the number of times I have suggested meetings for my messages to be totally ignored.

About 4 or 5 years ago I just decided she simply doesn't like me that much and stopped making the effort myself.

It is hurtful but sometimes people just are like that.