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AIBU?

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Original poster

to be annoyed at people who automatically assume that I am 'trying' for a girl?

21 replies

estar · 05/06/2007 11:57

I have three GORGEOUS boys and as I have always wanted four children, dh and I decided to take the plunge and go for it one final time. I knew a few people would probably say 'ooo, maybe it'll be a little girl this time' but I have been really surprised at the amount of people who have been so pushy about it. Like I was talking to a lady the other day who I don't know that well, and has three teenage children, and she was saying 'You must want a girl really, after all those boys, and I said when I heard you were expecting 'ooo, she'll be trying for a girl this time', you must want one.'

Maybe its stupid, but I thought it was awful - did she want me to say 'yes, I'd be devastated if its another boy' so that if it is, he can walk around for the rest of his life with everyone thinking what a disappointment he was to me?

In the end, I told her we'd always wanted four children and she was really surprised and said 'oh, you won't mind what you have then!' Well, yes, we did actually think about that before we tried....

OP posts:
HonoriaGlossop · 05/06/2007 12:25

Tell them, yes I'm trying for a girl and it's going to be adopted if it's another boy

It might make them realise how crass they're being, but if nothing else it would shut them up

Congrats btw!

Booboobedoo · 05/06/2007 12:31

estar. I have a beautiful 11 week old son, and several people have already told me that I 'have' to have a girl next time.

They are twunts.

YANBU

misdee · 05/06/2007 12:33

estar i got this a lot with pregnancy #3, and when we discovered it was another girl lots of people said 'oh dh must be disappointed' he was like 'no girls are wonderful, no-one can smile like my girls can and cheer me up' bearing in mind he was seriously ill at this point.

it is a stupid thing to say.

SueBaroo · 05/06/2007 12:46

YANBU,

I had three girls and then a boy, and I got sick to the back teeth of people saying 'Oh, you can stop now you've got your boy'

Like my middle two girls were failed attempts, ffs.

potoroo · 05/06/2007 12:47

I am already getting this and it is only my second pregnancy. I find it quite strange that people would assume that the only reason we are having another baby is to get a girl.

Some of DHs family have even sent me pink things even though we've said we are not finding out the sex...

Actually when my mother announced her 3rd pregnancy she got comments from her family along the lines of 'But you've already got one of each'

kittylette · 05/06/2007 12:50

I have 2 boys and people dont ask 'are you going to have any more?' they say

'are you going to try for a girl'

TBH if i ever do have another I want another boy!!

girls are too much hassel! - i should know with having 3 sisters!

kslatts · 05/06/2007 12:53

I have 2 dd's and someone at work said 'I bet you were disappointed at having 2 girls, wouldn't you have prefered one of each?'.
Well actually I consider myself very lucky to have 2 healthy, beautiful girls.

LynetteScavo · 05/06/2007 12:54

I was so suprised at home many middle aged women were aproving of me having a girl after 2 boys. I'd always said I'd only have a 3rd if I could guarentee a boy. I realy fancied 3 boys in the back seat of the car. I must have been mad, as my boys fight in the car all the time. I digress.

Anyway, congratulations!

IntergalacticWalrus · 05/06/2007 12:54

I get it all the time, I have 2 DSs.

Like I have any influence over it

The worst comment I got after DS2 was born was "Oh, I bet you are disappointed" I was feeling post natal and cried in front of them.

eidsvold · 05/06/2007 12:56

i now have 3 dds but when pregnant with dd3 so many assumed we had three cause we wanted a ds - me I wanted a baby - boy or girl did not matter although having a third dd is fabulous and I have all the wonderful clothes and things to pass down - so makes it easy.

so you are not unreasonable but it happens to all of us I guess.

BeatrootandBenedick · 05/06/2007 12:58

estar - same happened to me and now they say (my fourth is a girl) did you keep trying untilyou got one.

I smile and say not she was a mistake!

seamonster · 05/06/2007 13:03

I have two boys and a girl. Every one who has heard we are now expecting another boy has said similar things,"oh well it would have been nice to have had two of each, balance it all out. Poor you, all those boys!"
I am glad I am having another boy, even if the pregnancy itself was a surprise!

wheresthevalium · 05/06/2007 13:09

OMG YANBU, what a nightmare some people are!

I had loads of people assuming that as my 2 DDs were so close together (15 months) that I would be carrying on in the same vein, and had people asking when I was going to heve my boy (even as DH and I were splitting )

I know it's harsh, but some people are insensitive morons

RuthChan · 05/06/2007 13:28

No one should ever have a baby because they specifically want a girl or a boy.
People should only have a baby because they want a baby regardless of its gender.

littleolwinedrinkerme · 05/06/2007 13:42

estar - people are just plain stupid sometimes - I have 2 fantastic DD's and when expecting DD2 had the same comments 'wanting a boy then?' err no, a beautiful baby will be great thankyou. Have since MC but even then close family have mentioned would you like a boy, DH actually would love another girl but we have to stay neutral as it will be fantastic whatever we have and do not want people to say 'oh are you dissapointed its not a _ ' as I would have to punch them!(hopefully I get the chance, TTC IYSWIM )

mm22bys · 05/06/2007 14:17

People are dreadful. Don't they realise how many people there are out there who are desperate to have a baby, any baby, and we are supposed to be disappointed when we don't have the so-called "perfect" boy/girl combination?

I always thought I couldn't lose before the birth of DS2 - I thought two brothers would hopefully grow up to be good friends, and if DS2 was a girl, that would have been great too.

People should learn to put their brains into gear before opening up their big mouths!

ungratefuldaughter · 05/06/2007 17:02

how do you try for a girl - do it in a pink bedroom or get dp to wear a skirt throughout, in our large family one boy lots of girls there is such a spectrum of "pinkness" that it makes no difference

DesperateDerlor · 05/06/2007 17:10

YANBU
i have a girl and a boy and am now a day late with my 3rd (drums fingers in anticipation of contractions starting......)
LOST COUNT of the number of people who said "but you've already got one of each, why would you possibly want another one????"
sometimes in life people are just stupid
GOOD LUCK with whatever beautiful little treasure you get x

SueBaroo · 05/06/2007 17:16

lol @ 'you've got one of each' Like they're something you collect by sending off tokens..

TheApprentice · 05/06/2007 17:19

People do say silly things. How can you "try for a girl"? It doesnt make any sense.

Whatever sex your children are, they are all individuals anyway.

I was very impressed with Davina McCall at the end of last year's BB when she was heavily pregnant. One of the contestants said to her words along the lines of, "I, hope you get a lovely boy and make your husband proud" (eh?) , knowing she already had two girls. She very graciously said "Thank you, but my husband and I will be very happy if its a girl".

Original poster
estar · 05/06/2007 18:26

Yes - thats what I want to say - "How are you supposed to try for a girl?" lol

Afterwards I really wished I'd said 'and why did you have three - were you waiting for a pretty one?' but its not in me to be that cruel.

Nice to know I'm not the only one out there

Might try the adopted line tho....

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