About 2yo nap time?

[BigBangPop]

Long time poster but have NC to make this less identifiable.

I look after a family member 3 days a week whilst the parents work. Family member is 2yo. Just 2, as opposed to nearly 3. The parents have recently split - the dad is my relative, the mum is not, but they have split care 50/50 and I look after the child on mum's time.

The mum has asked me not to let the child nap when I am looking after them. Now, I know that the child is around the right age to start dropping their nap, however I don't believe they are ready yet. By 1pm they are tired, and by the time their mum picks them up at 6pm the are exhausted. Child is usually a delight but since being forced out of their nap they are a nightmare all afternoon! This has been going on for weeks now. I raised this with their mum last night when she picked them up, and she told me that if the DC naps in the day, they then don't sleep until 8.30pm instead of about 7pm and mum then gets no downtime. As a mum I completely understand the need to have some quiet time once the kids are in bed, but AIBU to think this doesn't come at the expense of the child being exhausted and shitty all afternoon?

I really don't want to stop looking after the child because I do love the time we have together and I know in a few months the child will be less tired in the afternoon so it's just a difficult phase. But AIBU to tell the mum that if the child is exhausted and wants to sleep, I might on occasion have to let them sleep? It's also a pain because it means we can't leave the house as the second I get them in the car or pushchair they fall asleep!! But they don't want to walk for being too tired.

I have spoken to their dad (my relative) about this and they have said that on their time they do try to keep DC awake to go along with mum's wishes, but he often takes him out in the afternoon and DC will have a power nap in the car.

Tricky. Are you a paid child minder for them or do you do it for free? I think if the first, you need to go along with what mum wants. Could you ask her about shortening a nap instead? Ie 45 minutes as a pick me up? If it’s the latter, I’d just say as above and say you’ll have to withdraw your services.

Just talk to the mum about it? If you’re not comfortable discussing the issues then it makes looking after the child quite awkward. Maybe just suggest if he’s really tired to restrict the nap to 30mins?

Just to add I have a nanny share and we discuss together what’s best for the DCs, rather than me dictating what happens.

Is a just turned 2yo the right age to drop their nap? My just turned 2yo naps from 12pm-2pm every day then sleeps 7pm-7am.
I honestly think it's quite cruel to keep an obviously exhausted child up.
I bet the child has a nap on the days mum has him.

I think they are too young to drop their nap and you should let your grandchild nap.

I think it's really selfish. You can't force a tired child to stay awake (unless they've missed naptime for whatever reason and it's too late in the day).

Not sure what you can do about it, but I would find it really difficult to do that to a child.

I'd give them their lunch at 11.15 then change nappy, straight down for a nap then wake at 1am. That really shouldn't interfere with nighttime sleep.

Muddling I have discussed it with their mum, I did last night (mentioned that in my post). She just kept reiterating that if they nap they won't settle to sleep until later in the evening and she would really like me to keep them awake. I don't want to refuse to do the childcare because it's a short term problem that will be resolved shortly as DC gets a bit older.

1pm*

Yeah way too young to stop him sleeping I think. You could agree to wake him by 2 or similar but I personally would not deal with an exhausted 2yo all afternoon.

@BigBangPop it may not be resolved soon. I know 3yos who still have a lunchtime nap. My step mum is a head teacher at a primary school in England and says reception kids are given quiet / nap time after lunch

Sleep deprivation is torture. 24 months is way too young for most kids to drop their nap. They shouldn’t be awake more than 5-6 hours at a time. Mine needed 1-2 hours around midday at that age and I found if he didn’t get it he was overtired and much harder to get to sleep at night, and more disruptive in the night.

Personally I’d try and get the kid down for as early a nap as possible and have him up by 1pm. Have a little wind down routine and it will become habit.

Ask how she keeps him awake as you are struggling. Suggest a short nap (40mins) before 3pm as a compromise?

My eldest DD did drop her nap at just 2. She was a nightmare at bed time if she napped, so some children are ready then. I think my DD was the minority though!
You need to speak to the mother again, express your concerns about it. Maybe withdraw from childcare duties if it's a problem.

Many nurseries I know will refuse to keep an exhausted child awake. It's one thing to "jolly along" a child who's a bit tired in order to distract and keep them going. But it's quite another to have to actively stop a tired child sleeping who wants you sleep.

I would refuse.

For what it's worth, my DD is going to be 4 years old in September and still sleeps 2h plus most days. She sleeps 7.30pm-7.30am no problems. Her siblings were similar, none were ready to drop naps when they were 2yo.

My youngest dd didn't drop her morning or afternoon naps most days until nearly 3. She would pack so much in she would still sleep at night.

I also know that nana and grandad put all the children down for an afternoon nap long after they had stopped having them at home. It was because they wanted a test themselves and I don't begrudge them that. They did us a massive favour in caring for their grandchildren one night a week.

If the child clearly needs their nap, imo you will be doing them a great disservice by forcing them to stay awake. They will be grumpy for you and just too tired for their mum surely. The only thing I can think is they are struggling with being a single parent as well as working, and by having the child drop dead tired by pick up time, she can soothe and fuss, pop child in bed and relax.

In your shoes, I would be allowing an early but short nap to combat the tired and grumpiness while with me - no more than 40 minutes and making sure we had done some kind of physical activity in the afternoon.

The alternative is to go out every afternoon and say they dropped off in the pushchair/car.

My DD is 2years2months and really struggles to get through the day.

We've shortened it to a half hour nap as any longer she won't settle to 9pm.

Can you try shorter naps? X

DS2 is 3 and still needs a short nap most days. I also don't think 8.30 is that late.

Tired and overtired children have difficulty sleeping at night. If a child needs a sleep in the daytime then s/he needs a sleep. Keeping them awake will make it harder at night not easier

My step mum is a head teacher at a primary school in England and says reception kids are given quiet / nap time after lunch

I didn't know this.
My DD starts reception in September and has refused to nap in the day since she was 2 so good luck to them!

Let them nap one day. Say nothing. The next day ask at the handover how they slept. If nothing said, continue with nap. This is from a mum of similar age child.

Agree with timesnewroman. Allow the child a 45-hour nap and then do something physical ish on the afternoon; park, walk, feed the ducks etc.
Don't mention the nap. Ds is just 2 and I can't even comprehend him not having a nap. He's an utter arse if he doesn't nap properly.
On the other hand a friends child stopped napping at 18 months. Kids are all different, Just drop the nap so at least they have something. It's not fair to have to keep them up, on either you or the child.

@MinisterforCheekyFuckery I don't know if it happens in all schools, I just know that in my step mothers they allow nap / quiet time scheduled into the day. They don't have to sleep though, I think it can include sitting on bean bags with jig saws / books / colouring if they no longer nap.

When I was a nanny, the parents I worked for asked me to stop the 2 year old from sleeping more than 45 minutes as he wasn't going to sleep at night and they thought he was napping to much. I couldn't wake him when he was so tired and it was more hassle to wake him because most days he'd then get up and crash on the sofa or playing or whatever. So I let him sleep a bit longer but just made sure we did something active in the afternoon to burn off some additional energy.

Could you do something like this? Let him nap an hour, then go to the park or something?