AIBU to wish I had some pepper spray

[IThinkImParanoid99]

I’m 36 now, and over the past 20 years I have experienced countless incidences where I have felt threatened by men, mostly strangers.

I have:

• been threatened by men who I didn’t want to date (including death threats)
• Been touched inappropriately in public many times
• Had someone expose themselves to me (they were wanking) when I was 16
• Been followed by men, most recently when I was followed for some time by a creepy stranger on holiday this year
• When I was 21 a man grabbed me outside a train station and tried to drag me off, he stopped when some people came along and saw it

I’m reasonably fit, have done self defense classes and am very street smart from years of solo travel. For those victim blamers out there, I have never dressed “provocatively”. But I feel that I’d easily be overpowered in a physical attack by a man. The only thing I can do to protect myself is alter my life so I can’t do and go wherever I want eg walk/run in quieter areas, walk home alone late after drinking etc. I live in London and doubt anyone would respond to a rape alarm as there are sirens and alarms going off constantly, but I could be wrong.

I’m vehemently anti-gun and knife but AIBU to wish that pepper spray was legal in the UK like it is in the States? I know there’s always the risk of weapons being turned against you but ’m pretty sure a little flash of a mace can would have changed the power dynamic considerably during many of these encounters.

I'm glad it isn't. Muggers would use it all the time.

If you really feel the need, carry a travel sized body spray or something. It's the shock of the spray that will break their grip.

YABU, legalise pepper spray and criminals will use it too.
Imagine if the threatening men pepper sprayed you and then attacked you.

Criminals would have the spray out ready and use it well before you could to protect yourself.

Good idea Phosphorus, thanks for the suggestion.

You are a walking definition of why you are being unfair, a number of the issues you mentioned would have seen YOU arrested for using it.

More to the point it’s not really that effective and could cause the issue to escalate dramatically. (And yes, I am aware of the first hand feeling of pepper spray 😄)

PeaceRaven I’m not suggesting I would use pepper spray on someone in most of those scenarios, but I would have if I’d had some when the guy was trying to drag me into his car. It’s more that I would be comforted knowing I had it if I needed it, and as a deterrent to show someone who was overstepping the line.

How come you were pepper sprayed?

Isn’t there some type of insect spray that is supposed to be quite similar?

Get one of those defence whistles and a rape alarm. Usually just the shock of noise is enough to give you enough time to get away - according to my self defence class teacher

Rape alarm is good to have and can't be abused by perpetrators.

I'd love to tell you I think your case is rare but I don't think it is.

I've been sheltered due to disability and am short and chubby but still been followed, flirted with etc.

The amount of men who are 'helping' by grabbing my arm or shoulder as well is shocking (registered blind).

I think it's vital to know self defence techniques but sometimes when you're in fear/panicked or you are unsure if you're overreacting you don't use them.

Giraffe Yes maybe I should. Actually I recently discovered that if you press the power button on the side of an iPhone 5 times quickly it sets of a panic alarm and automatically calls 999 and texts your emergency contacts.

NotAnother That must be really unnerving!

I have done self defense and kick boxing but it’s much harder than you might think to hit someone’s tender spots when you are in a tussle are they are a lot stronger.

Yes I don’t think my experiences are unusual at all and probably very minor compared to many women. What got me thinking about this was a thread on reddit about women’s experiences of attempted addictions etc after the tragic murder of Mollie Tibbetts in Iowa recently. Some of them are terrifying.

*Abductions not addictions!

It's ridiculous that this is even an issue. But yeah the iPhone shortcut is handy I've got it but always used to turn my location off to save battery lol

I carry a small bottle of hairspray in my bag.

As a young teen I was followed and assaulted by a man in wellington boots who sneaked out of a turning and then ran off.
I have been pulled into a car and taken to a deserted place by two young men.
I have seen two flashers.

Then things changed. I was harassed by a creep in a car trying to pick me up one night. I kept saying no, and then ignored and turned a corner. He got out and pushed me into a yard, holding me from behind. I suggested he let me turn round as it would be easier, which he did. This enabled me to knee him hard in the bollocks and nip into my home leaving him bent over and swearing.

Next time, on a date, he stopped the car at the side of the road and tried to grab me. Arm around me neck from behind. I put my hand up and smashed my hand against the bridge of his nose, causing him to swear and open the car door to throw me out, except he couldn't because he was in so much pain, so I got out and walked off.

I keep a can of spray paint by my front door and a small hairspray in my pocket although I don't go out at night now, but have had cause to feel the need to buy the hairspray in daylight in an almost empty street.
I was lucky that no knives were involved although with the knee in bollocks one I would have still done it the same way. Would only use a spray if physical contact was attempted, but the knee is my favourite method.

What horrendous experiences Toad. Beautifully executed self defense, I hope you did some real damage to the disgusting creeps.

Pepper spray isn't much help in a self defence situation. A long pointy umbrella would be more useful (both as a weapon and as a detterant). You mention self defence but what kind? I've seen takwondo people knock over people twice their size. Things like wearing sensible shoes and working on your sprinting speed will also help you. And then just generally being a bit more cautious. I have me ER been attacked, not even walking around London alone or when I was really young. I know that you shouldn't have to actively avoid bring attacked but it's better than being attacked.

I am British living in the USA. I carry pepper spray, and a mini baton, never needed to use them but feel better having them.

I also have a Ruger SR9C which is my conceal carry gun, I don’t normally carry it, it lives in the car.

I came back to the UK to see family earlier in the year and was surprised at how hostile it felt, and I really missed having the pepper spray in my handbag.

I used to carry pepper spray, not in the UK, but it never made me feel safer. In reallity, you are more likely to do some damage on yourself with it.

ChardonnaysPrettySister

Oh crap yes, pepper spray will probably get you and your attacker, but at least you are expecting it. It wouldn’t be my first choice to use.

IThink NOT via the police force, but I can confirm it burns like buggery but is unlikely to be much good. The best form of defence 9 times out of 10 is simply to run, rely on the fact more and more people (hopefully you’d assailant) are overweight 😄

IThinkImParanoid99

The thing is, most of these happened some time ago, 60's/70's and people didn't really think about being unsafe then, now it is probably as bad or worse but people are aware of it.

More recently an attempted bag snatch which I noticed in time and a glare saw them off but had there been a knife things would have not ended well. I am not the most patient or passive person when out and about, someone more timid would have had a different outcome which saddens me.

I used to hate having a symbol or long cane as it made me stand out but now I think it will make an excellent weapon.

I am quite a people pleaser but can be fierce if provoked. It's a shame we even have to consider these things.

Alternately buy a motorbike, nothing makes you feel like iron man (except if you and the bike fly, thou art dead) than several pounds of kevlar inserted into durable leather, spiked Kevlar gloves and a head butting shock absorber 😄😄

Comical Warning - While hilariously funny if someone attempts to punch/headbutt a fibreglass egg if they have the sense to grab hold of it bad things will happen.