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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To generally hate holidays

19 replies

RadioDorothy · 23/08/2018 10:41

I don't really enjoy holidays. Don't get me wrong, I love to switch off from work and home responsibilities, but a holiday brings a whole new load of issues.

My DH seems to feel under pressure to fill every moment with "activity", something different or more exciting than we might do at home. So much so, that during our most recent one, he got into a state of high anxiety and tension which turned him into a completely different person (snappy, irritable, distracted) for most of the week. He looked close to a heart attack the whole time.

I go along with what he wants because I want him to enjoy his holiday, but all I want to do is relax and not rush around much. I'm happy to go for a long walk but does it have to be up a mountain and involve technical clothing and a compass? I'm happy to go check out a hidden beach but do we have to visit two other tourist attractions on the same day, just to say we've been? Can we not have a day overlooking the lakes and going nowhere?

I end up counting the days until I can get home and back to normality and for DH to return to his loving self.

I'm not really a lounge-by-the-pool person necessarily (although I would, gladly), but I'm not a physically fit mountaineer or hill walker either. I like fun (expensive) stuff like zip wires, segways, boat trips, pony trekking etc - which he isn't that bothered about - but I couldn't give a shit about castles or museums or famous towns.

DH thinks I'm a bit weird and just lazy and boring to not be excited at the prospect of wandering around a random town with 55 gift shops, a million tourists and parking for 3 cars.

Am I? I guess we just have different ideas of what we look for in a holiday.

OP posts:

Childrenofthesun · 23/08/2018 10:47

Your DH sounds like he enjoys the same sort of things as me on a holiday! I must admit, our holidays our not all that relaxing though. Can you not do some separate activities on some days? Or both of you do a list of what you would like to do on the holiday and pick an equal number from each?

Original poster

RadioDorothy · 23/08/2018 11:07

Worth a try...although he'd be doubly grumpy on "my" days and moan that he's bored!

I might save up more cash and arrange more of the stuff he would enjoy but resents paying through the nose for. We had one boat trip this time which was awesome and I loved it, but it was £120 for an hour!

OP posts:

ThomasRichard · 23/08/2018 11:29

YANBU. I love planning holidays an maximising every trip. I have spreadsheets and files and it’s half the fun of the holiday for me. I’m well aware that my family roll their eyes at my antics but I don’t frogmarch people around demanding that they do x, y and z or refusing to do anything they want to do. It’s supposed to be fun for everyone!

Your DH needs to compromise. If he wants to go and look at a rammed town, great. That can happen on day 1 and you can have a leisurely lunch together and stroll around the sights. On day 2, you get to organise a boat trip with a picnic and a walk along the coastline. On day 3, you go zip-wiring while he conquers a mountain. And so on... Surely?

ThomasRichard · 23/08/2018 11:31

Being grumpy and complaining when it’s time to do the thing that someone else enjoys is not on. He needs to cut that out, sharpish. He isn’t a whiny child, but a grown man who presumably loves his wife and wants her to do things she enjoys just as she does for him.

Original poster

RadioDorothy · 23/08/2018 11:56

Thomas that is far too sensible and reasonable. Begone with your logic.

I jest, yes of course that should be feasible. My trouble is I'm too passive and don't care enough to assert myself, so I just rumble along peacefully trailing the invisible stench of burning martyr. I really should fight a bit harder.

OP posts:

RayRayBidet · 23/08/2018 12:15

I'm not a big fan of holidays either but then we never go on the kind of holiday I would like because it's too boring for everyone else.
Honestly I would like to go by myself but my DH would think I was mad.

Original poster

RadioDorothy · 23/08/2018 12:22

I know Ray, I'd go alone but would feel a bit conspicuous as a middle aged overweight woman on my todd somewhere.

Then again, I'd be invisible to pretty much everyone wouldn't I...

Years back I went to Turkey to accompany my mum and spent a week by the pool doing nothing - nice for a day or two but a bit soul destroying after that.

I've got 3 or 4 mates I could go with but 2 are into heavy drinking and I don't drink, so I'd be boring to them too. One would be too anxious to fly or relax, and the other...actually, she'd be game I reckon.

OP posts:

RayRayBidet · 23/08/2018 16:37

Yep I'm invisible too.
So what would be your dream holiday?

Original poster

RadioDorothy · 23/08/2018 17:56

A location warm enough to be able sit outside and catch some sun somewhere beautiful, where I can read and crochet, interspersed with a river boat trip or a scenic, leisurely walk, a little fun activity but nothing too strenuous!

OP posts:

WipsGlitter · 23/08/2018 18:04

Its hard!! We did a few days in Amsterdam and it was all go-go-go is what DH likes

We're now on a two week by-the-pool type holiday that I really wanted to do and I've realised (in the words of Michael McIntyre) 10 days is plenty!! I'm bored. Plus it's way too hot (30).

I preferred Amsterdam!!

Orangeblossom1976 · 23/08/2018 18:09

My Dh os a bit like this too. Moaning as we went swimming some days he would be bored, DC said come on dad enjoy yourself, DH wanted to be 'doing something' all the time.

Is yours a Type A personality, I wonder, think they find it hard to relax. Mine used to be Ok before children. He got a bit better the time as he got used to it, but i think it can get wearing. maybe send him off with one of the DCs to look at stuff perhaps!

prettygreywalls · 23/08/2018 18:10

I love trips away of all types
A city trip is lovely but needs only to be 3 or 4 days as we cram so much in you need a week to recover
A longer trip with a couple of days active sight seeing then a lazy day ( cycle repeated several times ) is perfect , neither of us could cope with an entirely lazy holiday

Orangeblossom1976 · 23/08/2018 18:11

I would love to go on a yoga retreat DH would hate that! Haha they would go mad.

RayRayBidet · 23/08/2018 18:15

I'd like to have a cottage by the sea. Walks on the beach, read lots of books, chat, day out to a castle, drive through pretty countryside. Play trivial pursuit, do the crossword.
God I miss the sea and cool breezes.
I live in Bavaria and its been in the 30's since before the schools broke up. We've spent a couple of days visiting lakes but it's not the same. There's no fresh air here. And there are mosquitoes. It will stay really warm until October and then it will be winter coat weather from one day to the next.
Really want to leave.

Orangeblossom1976 · 23/08/2018 18:16

I think it is nice to have a break from all the rushing around like school run etc with children and slow down a bit

ThomasRichard · 23/08/2018 19:02

Have you ever looked at group holidays OP? I tried going alone when I was getting divorced and loved it. The group age range went from 24-73, with an even balance between youngsters, middle-aged and OAPs! It was great. This trip might be one for you!

gandalf456 · 23/08/2018 19:04

I am with you op. Rushing around is for when you're at work

ThomasRichard · 23/08/2018 19:07

Your DH might like this one too: www.intrepidtravel.com/uk/italy/sail-italy-procida-amalfi-109120.

I’m all enthusiastic now, sorry I love finding/making holidays.

Metoodear · 23/08/2018 19:08

Me to I dread summer
My dh is wants to recreate his family holidays

Their is no holiday I even been on I have enjoyed

And they always end in disaster we just come back from JUST ask festival I hated it and we eneded up coming home early we could of put the 300 on our mortgage or paid for our childcare bill

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