AIBU about DM

[DisenchantedDD]

I'm a single parent to mid teen DD, and my mum has always been great with her, basically been her other parent. She's bought things I couldn't afford for her and been my child care, we worked opposite shifts so that I could work full time as there is very little in the way of child care where we live.
DD still stays there while I work as a little too young to be left alone over night. I transfer the child benefit to her each week to go towards costs - she has never asked for this but she's retired and it obviously costs me less in utilities and food when DD isn't at home.
I'm doing better these days financially, and need her financial support less, however it's still tight! DM although retired is financially fairly well off - all through her own hard work.
My issue is that I've saved a modest amount to take DD away for the weekend soon, it'll be done cheaply, but I've paid travel and hotel and now adding a bit each week for spending money. It's not the place DD specifically wanted to go, but I can't afford that. It's a compromise that DD is happy with as the place holds many of the attractions that her first choice does.
DM has now booked a last minute trip for her and DD, to DDs first choice, didn't ask me, which I didn't mind at first because I was just grateful DD would get to go. She hasn't asked me directly to contribute, however DD has relayed comments back regarding me only sending her with a tenner and "What will that get in this day and age" and "This trip is costing her a fortune"

I could transfer DM some more money, but that's going to impact on what I can afford to do with DD when we go, and tbh I feel that not being told until the day before the trip, and now these comments, it's like she wants to show off or something, and have something over me to complain about. I texted DM to explain but all I received is the reply that if I can't afford any more then she'll have to foot the bill won't she.
I will probably transfer the money anyway, and we'll have to get by on our trip, but from past experience it won't stop the guilt trip, and I honestly feel like she's done this to prove to DD she's better than me, that she can afford to give her things I can't, while making DD feel crappy about it and by extension, me.
We haven't always had the greatest relationship, but I thought things had improved now I'm starting to get back on my feet financially, but this has really upset me, I feel pushed into a corner and that either way I can't win. DM does have form for this.
AIBU about this? I don't want to lessen what little bit I have for mine and DDs trip but also feel like I have to.

Don't transfer anything, she does realise your daughter isn't her daughter? You've booked your own trip, and can't afford to supplement this one, if you could it's where you would be going. If it's grandma's treat, it's grandma's treat. You need to start putting more boundaries in place, if DD is older now can you switch to day working? So you don't rely on grandma for regular overnights?

I regularly treat my niece and nephews to trips away and days out. I always foot the bill even though they always have a little bit of spending money. My SIL always offers money but I refuse as it is something I have offered to do with them. I don’t think it is right to make a big deal about taking a family member somewhere then expecting someone else to split the cost.

Thanks for the replies, day working isn't really an option because I simply can't earn as much doing days as nights. The hourly rate for nights is higher and my hours guaranteed, which is why I switched. Also days requires late nights and early mornings which still means I need her to stay over because I could be out until 1/2am or starting at 6am and in winter the hours in my industry drop right off, nights I'm working and earning the same amount.
It's almost that she resents that I'm not as dependant now and trying to make me so.

My mums taking my daughter away for a weeks cruise. I can’t even afford cheap holidays for the children. There’s no question of me sending money to spend. Their choice to take her away, their choice to foot the bill. Mum even offered me money to cover the outlay for clothes she’ll need (growth spurt so very little fits her now and there’s still another six weeks to go).

I think your mum is being unreasonable. She might not have thought how you might feel with her taking your DD to her first choice destination but she decided to do it so she should pay xx

Be open and honest with your daughter.
Tell your mum you appreciate her taking daughter but next time she needs to go through you as obviously finances are an issue for you both.

She sounds controlling and I would want to get rid of that control from yours and DDs life. Sounds like she’s helped you because it suited her but it came with conditions that you didn’t see at first.

Don't give her any of your spending money op.because,(two reasons imho)you will have less to spend on your weekend away which is unfair on you and Dr and because your dm booked the break without asking you and should therefore pay.
You keep your money and ignore her comments.
Does she not realise she is causing her dgd to worry about being a financial responsibility and to feel caught between the two of you?
Maybe sit down with them both and have a frank conversation so you all know where you stand and there's no need for her snide comments to your dd.
Have a lovely break with your dd,her memories won't be about going to second choice place with mum,they will be about the happy ,quality time you shared.enjoy

Dd not dr,sorry

Do NOT send extra money.

She wanted to book it!

Keep a stock of relies when daughter mentions cost “is it really? Well that’s not for us to worry about, Nanna must have wanted to book or she wouldn’t have. Now, let’s look at what to pack I’m so excited for our girls trip!”

Nope, lovely she wants to do it, but this is down to her.
Sorry Mum, I've stretched my finances to take dd away on our holiday I don't have any spare money for your trip.

It was HER choice to book this trip so she gets to fund it. Don’t use any of the money for your own trip, just go and have a lovely time with your dd.

Thank you for your replies and good wishes, I'm sure we'll have a good time when we go. I keep telling myself that she's taken DD for DDs benefit and not to be ungrateful, but in truth I do feel a little deflated that I couldn't afford it and our trip will be second best.
I'm also worried about the impact on DD with regards to her worrying about money. I've always been honest with her and said if we can't afford X,y or z but offered an alternative, as I think she needs to understand about money, especially as she's at an age where she does have money under her own control. But I don't make her responsible for it, and I think my DM is doing that with these comments, making her feel bad because I can't afford it, or rather won't give up my saved and earmarked money. That's the root of it, all 3 of us know it's there, but also the effect of giving it to her. In the back of my mind I think she wants my trip to be rubbish, but then I just feel like an ungrateful cow!
I realise this may be a way of control, but it'd have cost her no money at all to just leave alone and not go anywhere! DD doesn't nag nag for things, she asks or will respond to a question but she won't have gone on and on about us not going where she first wanted to.
Thanks for the support, I really feel crappy about this.

Op make it clear to her she’s not allowed to book anything again if she lcan’t afford it”.

I don't think you should give DM any money - if she had expected you to pay up then she should have cleared it with you before booking (as she obviously is aware that money is tight). It smacks a bit of one-upmanship: wanting to show your DD that a break away with her is 'better' than with you. I think she's either been rather insensitive, or rather controlling.