Are People This Heartless?

[IsThisSomeKindOfJokeHere]

Posting here for traffic. I found some stuff out today and I'm not sure what steps I need to take to move forward, maybe someone has been in a similar situation (I'm sorry if you have!)

Me and ex partner broke up while I was pregnant. He lost his job, moved away, and ignored me my whole pregnancy. I started a CMS claim at the end of May, he then decided to get in touch, wants to be involved considering he would be paying each month blah blah blah.

2 days later, I get a call, he's asked for a DNA test. Disgusted, yes, but not at all surprised. I agreed, we done that, came back that he was the father, and the claim continued.

It's been weeks since I heard anything from him or the CMS, so I've been calling them asking for updates. No one can seem to tell me anything, no one knows why my case isn't progressing.
This afternoon I done a little digging myself and as it turns out, he quit his job the same month he received the DNA results. So to me, it looks like he is taking every step to avoid making payments. He has another child he pays for, I'm unsure what's happening with that though, and I'm not clear on how this affects my case.
Anyone ever dealt with CMS before? Or been in a situation where the paying parent no longer has a job?

I hate to be the bearer of bad news but they've been chasing my ex for money for our 5 kids for 12 years now.
He remains illusive and the one time they managed to get something out of him he quit his job.

You are better off planning to receive nothing then you won't be disappointed.

Yeah I thought so. I've managed without him up until this point. They have tracked him down, he hasn't moved, but he quit his job. So, if he isn't working, they can't take anything off him? I read online apparently if he claims benefits, they can take some of that? Who knows! It's not even the amount of money, I'm persevering for the principle of it now!

I think they can take £7 a week from certain benefits but not sure.
I'm quietly having the last laugh though , 3 of mine are now adults and the youngest will be in 4 years time.
So he thinks it will all stop then but not so

hm I am afraid you are in for a long and quite possibly fruitless journey.
Mine are 19 now, and my ex has to re-pay me £9000 odd., at £200 a month...

I think they can take £5 a week out of his benefits..

He quit his job so he didn't have to pay for his child? Jesus what a Prince among men. 😱

Who is heartless? My ex gets cash in hand so ge doesnt gave to pay CMS. Not sure how or why that would be CMS fault. Only so much they can do.

some 'men' do this. Mine did self employed cash in hand as an electrician.

I bet he and his new wife thought he was terribly clever...

@Creeper8 I meant him being heartless by quitting his job to avoid paying for his child, I didn't mean the CMS, I know there's not much they can do.

And I have a feeling I'll be waiting a long long time. My mum did it to my dad, and got a response when I was 21 that he had to pay a significant amount, and he is still paying it now years and years down the line.
I'll just wait things out and see what happens. He's the one losing out.

Whoops sorry I actually read your thread title completely wrong!

Yes most men I know refuse to pay for their kids. My exes motto is “why pay for kids that I dont see” (doesnt see through choice. So not a surprise to me.

My ex has said if I chase him for child maintenance he will stop working as “it won’t be worth his while” apparently.. he’s love an excuse to not work, and as much as I could really do with the money, I’m not giving him it! If I get really stuck he will try and give me something though (eg he’s given me £50 when I’ve been short in rent or paid for my Dd dance classes)
CMS are useless and seem to do all they can to avoid attachment to earnings, I’ve a friend trying to get that and CMS keep giving her ex chances, they send him a letter, he calls and says he’ll pay, he doesn’t, she calls them, they send him a letter etc etc been going on for months!
Some parents are just dicks!

How does that work making them pay arrears when the children are adult? I didn't know about that! What do they base it in? If F earning nothing then what arrears are there and how are they calculated?

@Creeper8

Yes most men I know refuse to pay for their kids

That's very sad. You need to reconsider the people you know. I don't know any men who refuse to pay for their children, I know three who have children from previous marriages and all pay a lot more than CMS say they should, have amicable relationships with exes and see their children a lot, the others are still in relationships with the mothers of the children and work to support their families.

FASH I know the women whose exes partners refuse to pay. Im not friends with the men but do know them. Most of my friends exes dont pay/quit jobs basically do anything possible not to pay. I think your experience is more uncommon personally as the cms have a hell of alot of claims because exes wont pay!

Some of my ex "friends" used to make me feel guilty for my ex not paying for our son! They used to be like "you need to get it off him it's X's money. Why haven't you got him to pay it yet?" etc. Couldn't believe it! Society continues to put the blame on women for men's failures.

When I got my promotion up to management (in care so I only earn 21k) some people said I shouldn't pursue maintenance! Ex earns 30k and doesn't see our son for months at a time through choice, my son sees ex's family regularly though.

He flipside is my son's 3 and I've probably had around 500 quid for him. So I sometimes get other's telling me I'm "lucky" to have got that because they've received nothing at all. Yes I appreciate it's better than nothing but I don't think resident parents should feel lucky for the non resident parent contributing to their childs upbringing. It sends a negative message to the child too "you should be so grateful your other parent sees you/contributes."

Sorry that was just a massive rant!

did

@shallichangemyname
I've been told by CMS the debt is never written off unless you ask it to be.
They rely on these "men" to get in touch and arrange payment though , which in my ex's case will never happen.
I think he'll wait til my youngest is 18 before getting a proper job in the belief that they won't chase him beyond then.

But if they have a nil assessment because they play the system, then there's nothing owing is there? That's what I didn't quite understand. Or is it because they move jobs and alternate between employment and self employment thus escaping an assessment but they are warning to CMS is able to recreate the assessment and force payment later?

Sorry for the autocorrect typo, you get the gist

My XH was self employed for about a year during which time there was a nil assessment. Then he was offered a full time position. He rather strangely says he is happy to pay CM but only what CMS tells him to pay and only when they tell him to. He reported it to them when he started full time employment but that was months ago now and CMS has done nothing. The bugger could easily do the online calculator but won't. I asked him yesterday for a contribution to new uniforms and shoes and did warn him he's going to have a large arrears payment but e carries on regardless. It's so annoying! I don't know how much he earns but say it's 30-40k, we have 4 DCs and they only stay with him 1 night out of 7 so on my calculations I'm missing out on 4-500 a month, which is no trifling amount.

I didn't think a person could get benefits if they voluntarily quit their job?

I know about the self employed cash in hand issue, but I would report to HMRC! Just for the satisfaction of it.

I've never understood men who can stoop to this level. A man who will play the system or try to avoid maintenance is one thing - though still a sorry disgusting excuse for a human being. But there seem to be so many who will cut off their own nose just to spite their ex - and their kids by extension.

When I left my husband our daughter was just coming up to 10.

He had a good job and I left the family home.

He "agreed" to pay me £70 a month (he brought home £1800 each month) but very reluctantly gave it to me about 5 times.

I lost my job and he still didn't pay it... but made me agree not to go to CSA (at that time) - I couldn't claim benefits becuase they said I had to go to CSA - he said he would give me "extra" and did give me £80 one month when I had no income.

Luckily I got another job very quickly but then after about another year he put the house on the market - I reminded him that when the house sold he would still have to split the equity with me (we had been married more than 10 years) and all hell broke lose.

He suddenly became "unable to work" and had "nothing except that house" . There followed four years of divorce proceedings - all of which were funded for him by legal aid but privately paying for him.

The Court decided that becuase he could "never work again" due to his claimed mental health issues that they would have to award him enough money from the house sale to buy something outright and all the pensions and the endownment because I had a chance to earn and get a mortgage etc (was on £14K a year as a legal secretary at the time).

Fast forward 8 years and the second - and I mean the second, our daughter turned 18 he suddenly began to work again and in fact started his own business with employees - he's just purchased a £250K house CASH.

So yes, people can really be that heartless.

@shallichangemyname
My ex was assessed whilst in a job and as he never made contact to dispute the amount the arrears continued to click to at that monthly rate.
CMS have since obtained new info from HMRC as the amount has gone down a bit but he never stays in a job long enough for them to do an attachment of earnings order.
He most likely doesn't claim benefits but lives off his elderly mother