To want to smack MIL? (Long sorry)

[howamimeanttoknow]

Hi everyone, me and DH are both black - we grew up in mainly white areas with white primary schools and neighbours. We were having a conversation about how much self hatred this caused us because of racism, feeling different and left out and there was a point where we wanted to be white. (Obviously I'm not saying all white people are horrendous, this is just our experience so if you're somehow offended by that I'm sorry it came across that way and you should probably stop reading now). Anyways both of us ended up going to very multicultural high schools where we finally felt like we belonged and were really happy.
We've been saving up for a house for a while now and we have enough to hope fully move (hooray!) .We were previously thinking of maybe Manchester but the area isn't very multi-cultural and we'd hate for our DC to go through what we went through, apparently Brent is really multi-cultural so we're thinking maybe there. MIL says it is not a good reason for us to move away and it's ridiculous and that racism doesn't exist that much anymore and if we move we're really foolish. It's really bothering us and she says we don't even know where we want to move which is really irresponsible. AIBU? Or is she right? and if you know are there any places we can move that are multicultural (preferably not London because of the house prices being so high) and if anyone is from Brent, is it really multicultural? Thanks!

I think the multi cultural thing is a bit of a red herring. Hopefully yes there is less (explicit and ignorant) racism but for me it would be a question of belonging.
I am white, university educated and middle class. Moved abroad to a while, middle class area but found it hard to fit in. My friends became English expats and over time we decided to return home.

So I can totally understand why you would want your children to have some families and friends around you (though I think you are of course saying not exclusively) of your colour and heritage.

Sorry you experienced that OP. Sounds shit.
I lived near Manchester growing up and felt it was multicultural but I am white so I wouldn't count myself an expert.

I currently live in Cheshire and it couldn't be less multicultural if it tried!

Hi, I didn't want to read and run.
I'm mixed race and grew up in completely white areas, schools etc.
There was one other mixed race student, but her parents sent her to secondary school in a town 20 odd miles away, just so she was in a multi-ethnic environment.
I still encounter so much racism because I "pass" and white people say what they want.
I think what you and your partner want to do is a very good idea. It's important for you and your children to feel comfortable in yourselves and your living environment.
Instead of throwing out random places, research towns and cities that have a good ethnic mix, good schools, work and affordable housing.
Tell your MIL you're doing what is best for your family.
Good luck.

Liverpool? Long history here of black people well integrated and accepted (at least I think so! Being white, I can only say what I observe).

I think your MIL is scared of losing her grandchildren and family and its perfectly understandable she doesn't want you to move away. Is there any reason to be so nasty about her?

You want to smack her over this?

Thank you everyone!
and toomanychilder
We've had a very long history of her being violent and lying and just being a general pain, that's why I don't talk about her very nicely, but i treat her respectfully and all

Manchester is hugely multicultural- which areas are you looking in?

If you're heading Midlands way OP:Birmingham, Leicester, Coventry & Leamington (large, v pretty town not far from Warwick University) are very mixed. But I'd say most of the surrounding villages are v v 'white': As are Solihull & Banbury.

I don't know what area of Manchester you're thinking of, but it's very multicultural in the main. There are some mainly white areas, some mainly Asian etc. However, I think people's experiences of life now are probably much better than when you were a child.

Sorry you went through that during your childhood OP. I'm white, but can only imagine how shit that would be.

Where are you currently living and why (aside from children) are you moving? I kind of agree with you MIL that it seems odd you would want to move but seem to not know where / why. Will you be able to find jobs / schools etc? But then I wouldn't really think about moving unless there was a 'reason' (i.e. job move). But a fresh start could be cathartic. I'm sure she is just worrying (and probably sad you're moving away from her?)

I currently live in Leicester and it's VERY multicultural. I probably wouldn't recommend it based other factors tbh. The job market seems stagnant, the city centre is a cesspit (full of spice heads, chavs and drunks). I don't feel like there is much to do (they are trying in terms of festivals and interactive events in the city but they seem a bit meh). City centre access is terrible and getting worse. It's just generally polluted and dirty. I hate it! The county however is lovely but then probably declines in terms of multiculturalism. I don't know about schools but I think there are some good, some bad. House prices are reasonable though, we recently moved into a 3 bed semi with a massive garden for £185000 it needs work doing to it though. I'm originally from Newcastle and would move back if I could tbh.

I’ve lived in Manchester for many many years and it’s very multi cultural. TBH it’s one of the reasons we’ve stayed here, rather than moving back down south. My husband and I are from the Home Counties but we love Manchester and are raising our children here. Look at Chorlton and Didsbury; brilliant areas, multi cultural, fantastic lifestyles and great schools. Housing not mega cheap, but absolutely cheaper than London.

In the nicest possible way, please dont move somewhere randomly without actually visiting the place, let alone spending some time there to see if you like it. If you need your people to be there, then check the type of people you want to live near are there before you go. I've made that mistake and regretted it before.

I say that as someone who has moved around loads, in several different countries.

You talk about not London but maybe Manchester or Brent. Brent is a London borough - or am I missing something?

Brent is well dodgy. I live not too far from it and a mate is a police officer there. Three people were shot there this week outside a Tube station. Also hugely expensive being a London borough.

Manchester is a vibrant multi-cultural city, why would you move from there? What was the festival last week, it seemed very African-centred?

We were previously thinking of maybe Manchester but the area isn't very multi-cultural

having grown up and lived there up until a few years ago, i can assure you it's very multicultural (i'm non-white too)

Manchester is a fantastic place and very multi cultural.

Bloody hell, if you’re thinking Brent in London please just don’t.....some parts are lovely, but for the most part it’s not

I’m white and I grew up in neighbouring Harrow - 25 years ago it began to become far more multicultural than it had been previously, and now it really is diverse. Unfortunately though it’s meant that house prices have rocketed and we were forced to move further out of London (only 10 miles away, but cheaper). The downside to moving is that we’re in an area that isn’t anywhere near as diverse

I loved learning about Eid and Diwali and Yom Kippur, for example. Or cultural traditions passed on through generations of my friends’ families. My dc aren’t going to get to experience what I did