To think this constitutes neglect?

[Frustratedboarder]

Just about to put DC's (3&5) to bed and folding back the duvet caught a waft a pee and realised DC(3) had wet the bed last night - closer inspection revealing quite a large (1½ft diameter) dark pee-stained patch, with the duvet lying over it stinking too, and the waterproof undersheet.... Also his PJ's which had been put back on the bed smell strongly of pee. I leave for work at 7:30 and neither DC nor OH were up so I'm guessing OH either didn't even notice pee-sodden child and bedding (wouldn't have checked bedding to be fair) or Just didn't care. Aibu to think this is borderline neglect?? Massively peeved as now have to change bed completely when both kids completely knackered!
There is also a bit of a backstory in that oh works till about 10ish, gets home about 11:30 as stops for a post work drink often, and doesn't get to bed till 1-1:30 most nights so is then pretty crap in the mornings with them...

This thread clearly needs a diagram. Sheets, duvet, PJ's etc. all appropriately marked.

If you genuinely believe your husband's neglectful with your children then you are neglectful for leaving them with him and need to sort other care for them especially if he's an alcoholic who isn't caring for them properly as you seem to be implying!

@ShesABelter glad someone else had the same thought I did!

If he is drunk whilst being in sole charge of children that is neglect.

Yeah, the buck comes back to you if you are repeatedly leaving your DC in the charge of someone you believe to be a (borderline) alcoholic with neglectful tendencies and who isn't willing and able to supervise them properly when they need it. Even if the other person is their parent

misconduct 😂😂

Youarenot I do think about it a lot, tbh.. I can't give up my job just to avoid leaving him in charge of the kids! I do pull him up on it often but he didn't think he's doing anything wrong and says 'of course they're fine!'; I've told him it's barely different to him going out for an hour while they are at home alone but obviously he doesn't agree..

He says it doesn't happen very often but I Know it's happened at least 4 times this last month and probably more often... DC(5) will sometimes say if I ask what they did when they got up that Daddy was sleeping but sometimes I think she says it as she knows he's not supposed to, if you see what I mean, or often even if he's awake I think he stays in bed reading his phone for a bit before he gets up so she thinks he's still sleeping...

Ffs. What will it take to make him realise this isn't on??

He may think they're fine but if the 3 year old has an accident and needs a&e treatment for it, he will be questioned in regards to what happened etc. A referral may then be done to SS (and will defo be passed on to the HV). If it's passed to SS, they will have serious questions in regards to the accident and the lack of supervision at the time - which may then result in more than you having to avoid leaving him in charge of the kids...

I hope you've got childlocks and the appropriate safety gear if he's leaving them unattended for an hour unless it's just in their rooms?

How is it neglect? He didn’t leave the child in the wet pyjamas all day did he? He left all the wet stuff on the bed. The bed doesn’t have feelings.

So had your DC have a shower or bath this morning? In which case he realised she/he needed one and sorted the child but not the bed.
Or was the child left with urine on their skin all day? = neglectful.

One of our children used to get up at 5am, I was always asleep. They sometimes would wet the bed get out, get undressed, sometimes put a tshirt on and just get in our bed usually at the bottom and I wouldn't always wake up. i was usually too tired to make a connection till bed time. My husband usually fed them crap as well. Its not the end of the world.

No DC's hadn't showered or bathed this morning, but a pp pointed out fresh pee doesn't smell... The thing is he would say that if anything happened to cause an accident leading either child to shout out or something he would hear them; similarly they could have an accident while he was having a shower or a crap (ie not supervising for 10-15 mins but still there!)?! I don't know, I just know (although not for certain!!) he gives them the bare minimum of his attention/supervision in the mornings, and I guess this just seemed to underline it...

Doney of your posts are making sense and kind of reassuring! I just know there's no flipping Way I would not notice as I pay attention to the bloody kids!!
Sigh