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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I being bullied?

15 replies

justmakemeacuppa · 22/08/2018 20:08

At work I do my job to the best of my ability, go in early everyday but always seem to be pulled up on things that are minor. Today I was asked to help do a job which I went straight away to then be taken to a room with just myself and team leader. To be told I’d not done something with no evidence of this so couldn’t fight my corner but I was told not to do said job by someone higher. So from this it sounds like she’s gone through various things and pulled me up on things that again have no proof I didn’t as I don’t know which paperwork she’s taken this from? She’s made many digs in past which I’ve kept notes as I feel she’s got it in for me but this time she said she was telling me about it so that if anyone else notices and wants to take it higher????

OP posts:
justmakemeacuppa · 22/08/2018 20:11

Would this be classed as a verbal warning ? She didn’t say it was one and obviously wasn’t very formal as she asked me to help her measure something to get me alone before telling me off. She’s in managerial position but not high up.

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Spanglylycra · 22/08/2018 20:13

If it's without any back up then yes it would. I think you've got her figured out though and having evidence is good. Decide what you want to do but be prepared if it doesn't go your way it will be awkward.

Spanglylycra · 22/08/2018 20:14

I mean yes to bullying.

Not to verbal warning. By what you say unless she officially told you it was a warning I very much doubt it.

Tomatoesrock · 22/08/2018 20:14

It sounds like you are being bullied. Is it the same person pulling you up on the little things each day. There is nothing worse, I have been there, like they are tracking everything you do. I left the job Flowers

UpstartCrow · 22/08/2018 20:18

It does sound like bullying. If it were me, I'd go to HR and ask if I've been given a verbal warning, as the situation was unclear.

CSIblonde · 22/08/2018 20:34

Take written notes of any conversation with her . Also keep a daily 'To Do' list with initials of who it's for/who requested it & date when done Its back up/proof you're efficient etc. Just v brief like 'Visa forms for SH' (it's saved my bacon with in a similar situation.

Ask for a copy of your actual Job Spec (legal requirement). And talk to HR. Good luck.

justmakemeacuppa · 22/08/2018 20:40

Yes it’s same person every time. I love my job and work with some lovely people. I want to talk to someone above her but afraid it won’t go my way. I mentioned to someone else I work with what was said and she replied that she doesn’t do this certain job either as it’s always left to the person in charge so I’m not only one as said job has never been our place to write these things up.

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6triesbuttingout · 22/08/2018 20:43

Document EVERYTHING! If others are around get it docs signed and dated. Also ask for anything said to you in private is followed up in writing with a signature. Do not leave these documents at work, keep email evidence and send to home computer. Look after yourself and if you have to take it further join a union ASAP. Good luck

justmakemeacuppa · 22/08/2018 20:44

We were all asked to write up notes to help out which I’ve done in past and happy to do when asked but I tend to do the tidying and organising for next pt. all work is then checked by a senior at end of day. From what she was saying it sounds like she wants me writing notes up at a level I’m not qualified to do.

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Graphista · 22/08/2018 21:11

I had this in my last job. Almost caused me a breakdown and I left as a result.

In fact it sounds SO similar I want to ask and find out if it's the same boss.

Are you in Scotland?

Definitely bullying. I eventually managed to get some proof but unfortunately by the time I got my finances and mh sorted the deadline for doing something about it legally had passed.

My boss would set impossible tasks then claim I'd misheard the deadline (I started getting confirmation in writing by email), would nitpick literally over a full stop in a report - seriously 90 minute rants about punctuation! (Not a publishing job either). When I got wise to how they were things got more sinister. Things going missing inc important files - I started keeping a record of what files I used each day AND got a colleague to witness...

It was at that point when an email was deleted that shouldn't have been (I'd started sending bcc to the colleague that was witnessing my file use), and an important client file that nobody else had any reason to even look at went missing. The email meant that an update of something needed added to the file - that was my job. That same day they made a really nasty snide comment about my disability (thinking there was no witness) which a colleague heard. Colleague took one look at me and said "I'll miss you" I decided right then I would not be back!

In hindsight I could and should have gone over their heads and complained, I had proof and witnesses but I was at breaking point by then. My health was more important.

Probably if I'd been on mn I'd have had excellent advice and support but I had little support and was focused on finances and health.

I later discovered that there was crazy high staff turnover in that dept which the company blatantly lied to me about at the interview (I'd asked how long the previous incumbent had been there & rough reason for leaving - I'd come across issues like this at other jobs and was cautious. I was told previous incumbent had been there 3 years - was actually 4 months - and that they were young and had left to go travelling - they were mid 40's and were working for a rival company in same city).

I hope you're stronger than me. You don't deserve this nobody does. One phrase I did come across trying to find out my rights was

People join good companies and leave bad bosses.

It's so true. Is it a large company? If so hopefully a decent HR dept that can help (although be aware that they are not your friend they're the companies so ultimately their aim is to avoid the company being sued), plus talk to acas (another thing I wish I'd known at the time, I wrongly thought you had to be 'an official' of some kind to talk to them or at least in a union - I now know better). Hopefully they can help you sort out a strategy to get this resolved so you can keep your job without having to put up with this crap!

justmakemeacuppa · 22/08/2018 21:39

Hopefully things don’t get as bad as yours did graphista. People have moved to different areas of the service because of the atmosphere she causes. Tbh I’m thinking of asking for a transfer so I don’t have to be in the same building as her. Luckily I’m not with her all the time and she has dinner away from us (likes to stay with office staff & management) but if I’d done something really bad I’m sure she would have taken it further I’m just wondering if she’s testing water to see how much she can get away with.

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Tomatoesrock · 23/08/2018 00:59

Even if she is testing the water it is your job she is nip picking over. If you can get a transfer within the company and you are happy to go to another department do that.

If you have to stay note everything, I think you should report her for calling you into a room under false pretense to give out to you. I would make her manager aware even if you have to question if it is a verbal warning. I think you need two members of staff to sit for a verbal warning, it was an unofficial word then it is not acceptable.

Graphista · 23/08/2018 01:13

I hope it doesn't get that bad for you.

Still wouldn't hurt to take steps to protect yourself.

justmakemeacuppa · 23/08/2018 07:31

I think I’m gonna call my manager today as I feel she’s upped her game a little and I’d hate to think if I lost my job it would be through her. I’m also going to ask if anyone else’s work has been gone through to see if any mistakes have been made on their part or just me! I’m not perfect and I’m happy to be told I’ve not done something right so I At least have a chance to rectify the mistake if I can.

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Hadalifeonce · 23/08/2018 07:44

DH had a situation similar to this, he kept copies of everything, made notes of every meeting immediately after. After one meeting, he got an email with minutes bearing no resemblance to what had been said, he called her in front of witnesses to pull her up on the inaccuracies. Eventually he brought a grievance against her, although it was largely found in DH favour, he was put on gardening leave snd eventually paid off. She stayed and targeted her next victim. So many people left the company as they couldn't stand the way she was allowed to get away with it.

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