Need a change

[mrjobson67]

I've been with my partner (wife) now for 16 years and every Christmas has been spent exactly the same way. On Christmas Day, the in-laws come round which includes the 'mother-in-law, brother-in-law and friend, step daughter and boyfriend'. My wife and I then spend all day preparing dinner and cleaning up afterwards. Boxing Day is slightly less chaotic as my parents come round for a few hours and we prepare a buffet for them. Then... New Years Day is like Christmas Day all over again with the in-laws. It's far from a relaxing holiday.

The thing is... I want a change this year. I don't get to see my parents or brother half as much as my wife sees her mum and brother. So I've suggested I'd like to spend Christmas Day at my parents, or we both have a quiet Christmas together this year just chilling out, not running around after everyone on Christmas Day. I also suggested I'd like to go and spend New Years Day celebrating with my brother. My brother doesn't live local, so again I barely get to see him and my nephew and niece. However, she isn't happy about my suggestions at all.

I'm a bit disgruntled by her reluctance to change just this one time and I'm adamant that I want a change this year.

AIBU?

You're not, and I would honestly just go without her. Doing the same thing every year is just boring!

There's no reason why you can't go and enjoy yourself. I'm on Christmas strike this year... it's always me and DH going here, there and everywhere so this year it's going to be me, DH and DS.

If I went and enjoyed myself, I just know she would fall out with me over it. That's always been my problem, scared to change in fear of upsetting people.

So you'd rather do something you don't want to do? Why should you have to compromise for 16 years? Marriage is about give and take.

You need to be firm and take a stand. You've done the past few years running around, you've done your bit. You want to see your family equally and that's fine, her falling out over it is however not fine

Thanks WooYa, I do completely agree.

Let her sulk! There's all sorts of other things you could do, but tell her it's only fair to take turns seeing your side of the family and hers on altérnate years. And the idea to see db a New Year is a good'un!

Thanks Queenofthestress

I wonder why she thinks your point of view is unreasonable? You have given her enough time to arrange to see her family at a different time during the festivities.
Think I would stand my ground on this one and point out she is could be flexible this year.

Not at all unreasonable. We do pretty much the same each year because that suits us BUT if either of us wanted to do something else then we’d find a compromise.

Awww thanks everyone. I know in my heart she is being unreasonable, I just sometimes need to hear other peoples opinions. I'm not very good with confrontation, because to be honest we've had our ups and downs in the past over similar scenarios, so I get a bit anxious about bringing things up like this with her.

I have to admit that I prefer to stay in my own home over Christmas and not at my in-laws, so I can understand your wife's (and your) feelings. I spent years and years zig-zagging betwen parents and in-laws, up and down motorways, exhausted - so I've got an excuse for my selfishness.

But sixteen years of same old, same old, is a rut. Maybe your wife's family think the same, but don't want to hurt her feelings? Has she considered that? It might be a different way of broaching the need for a compromise solution, and a year when all of you try something different.