Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

About bf using my car?

23 replies

ThatchersCold · 21/08/2018 21:57

I’m feeling a bit mean but don’t know if I ABU or not.

A couple of weeks ago my car was in the garage, but my boyfriend let me use his car for a few days. He was recovering from an operation so was unable to drive anyway. It was very kind of him and I appreciated it very much. His car cost him £400 a few months ago, it’s an old banger. I was insured third party through my fully comp insurance and if the worst had happened and I somehow wrote it off, I would have been able to give him £400 straightaway to get another car.

My car is also old, but is much bigger and higher spec, and cost me £2500 3 years ago. Since then, I’ve spent several more thousands keeping it on the road (expensive things like head gasket needing replacing). He has asked me if he can use my car tomorrow night and the following day as his will be at the garage. He would also be insured only third party on my car. When my renewal was up I looked into getting him on my policy but it made it quite a lot more expensive as he’d recently had an accident that was his fault.

I said yes, as long as you don’t crash it. He now is in a mood with me (not here but he is ignoring my messages). The problem is, if something did happen, he could not afford to replace my car with something of a similar spec. I couldn’t afford to replace it either.

The chances of anything bad happening are slim as he’d only have to drive it 4 miles there tomorrow night and 4 miles back the following day. And the crash he had a few months ago happened just down the road (he didn’t stop at a junction and ploughed straight into the side of a van, the van hit the passenger side where I was sitting and it was terrifying tbh).

So I guess he’s pissed off as he freely gave me the use of his car but I am being hesitant about him using mine. AIBU?

OP posts:

ProudThrilledHappy · 21/08/2018 21:58

You can get separate short term insurance to cover him for the time he is using it

FASH84 · 21/08/2018 21:59

Yes, it's not about cost, he freely helped you out in the same situation and now you don't want to return the favour, YABU

Agentornika · 21/08/2018 22:00

Very unreasonable, can't believe you said yes as long as you don't crash it

Sirzy · 21/08/2018 22:00

If you weren’t happy to let him use yours you should have refused his offer. Can’t have it both ways!

Howhot · 21/08/2018 22:02

Well it was a silly thing to say OP. I can see why he'd be annoyed. At the same time I'd arrange sperate insurance

Original poster

ThatchersCold · 21/08/2018 22:02

Tbf when I borrowed his it was largely for his benefit as he was housesitting at the time which involved having to walk dogs. I mostly used his car to go up and walk the dogs for him and also take him meals as he was laid up for a few days.

OP posts:

NeeChee · 21/08/2018 22:05

If you had an accident driving his car (or vice versa) it could end up costing more than just the value of the car in the long run.
The car owner's insurance would increase, most insurers will count the accident for both drivers, even though only one was driving, because its a claim on the owner's policy.
Could you get one day fully comp insurance in his name, if you are very concerned about him borrowing it?

AnoukSpirit · 21/08/2018 22:05

I don't actually think you are unreasonable, it is not like for like. If you crashed his car he'd get a replacement, if he crashes yours you'll be left without a car.

You can get short term insurance from various places. Last time I needed it I used RAC insurance, I think.

Frankly, without fully comp insurance I wouldn't let him drive my car. An accident can happen anywhere, no matter how short the journey, and regardless of how careful you are. You can't control other drivers. Just because he thinks he's invincible doesn't mean it's true!

Either get temporary insurance or tell him to take a taxi, whichever costs the least.

Penisbeakerismyfavethread · 21/08/2018 22:11

I Think yabu - ou can’t have it both ways. But you could tempxover him fully comp for a few days?

acatcalledjohn · 21/08/2018 22:12

A fair number of crashes happen close to home, a survey suggests.

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/motoring/news/6018081/One-in-three-road-accidents-happen-a-mile-from-home-survey-says.html

theOtherPamAyres · 21/08/2018 22:24

You are not being unreasonable.

You will bear the financial penalties that go with having him as a named driver on your insurance policy.

He could, at the very least, offer to cover the cost of the huge increase in your insurance premiums.

Smallhorse · 21/08/2018 22:28

I think you are being unreasonable .

You get to use his car because it’s crap.

Yours is less crap so he’s not allowed to use it under similar circumstances.

Smallhorse · 21/08/2018 22:28

But if you really don’t want him using it, could you give him a lift?

mummabubs · 21/08/2018 22:39

Personally I don't think you were being unreasonable- as someone else has said, it wasn't like for like. Plus he's recently had an accident that was his fault which suggests he might not be the most careful driver. If he was fully comp on your car would you feel differently OP? I'd have felt the same in your position x

Original poster

ThatchersCold · 21/08/2018 22:46

Yes if he was fully comp it would be completely different, and I wouldn’t have been happy to drive his car third party had I not been in a position to give him the money for a replacement if I’d wrecked it.

No he’s not the most careful driver (though he gets VERY offended if I criticise his driving). I was left genuinely traumatised after the crash earlier this year and have just been on holiday with him where he did all the driving, and there were several moments where I was scared (e.g just pulling out into busy traffic assuming the other drivers will slow down for him).

OP posts:

Sailinghappy · 21/08/2018 22:48

YABU! It’s not about the car’s value, it’s about returning the favour for your boyfriend.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 21/08/2018 23:00

It's not the insurance.... Is it??

It's your BF crap driving.... I wouldn't let him drive my car... He's too high a risk of having a fault accident... AND you KNOW he drives badly....

It sounds as he'll still doing the thing that caused the accident.. Pulling out assuming others will stop/slow down...

He's a seriously shit driver...

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 21/08/2018 23:03

Let him get offended....

If the cap fits....

People like him cause road deaths...

Your PTSD was completely avoidable if he drove well...

How does his crash fit in with his model of himself as a good driver??

adviceonthepox · 21/08/2018 23:30

It's also a myth that you are covered 3rd party to drive someone else's car. Quite often there is a clause such as only in an emergency so you would not be covered to drive a partner or family members car. Check your policy carefully as you can be liable if anything happens. It also can carry a hefty fine and points.

Thehop · 21/08/2018 23:33

Tell him to buy fully comp day insure

mum11970 · 21/08/2018 23:45

Please make sure you are actually insured to drive each other’s cars. 3rd party cover on other cars is an add on to most fully comp insurance these days. Years ago it was a standard extra on FC policies but it isn’t any longer. Back to the original question, yes you are BU.

lovelovelovepancakes · 22/08/2018 09:31

I don't think you are being unreasonable. He's already had an accident that was his fault recently!
My dh keeps taking my car and it pisses me off because he had an accident that was his fault last year which wrote the car off. I'm beginning to wish I hadn't added him to my insurance.
I sometimes say "don't take my car as I've not enough fuel for the rest of the week otherwise" and then he won't. Bit mean but it's my car and I look after it.

Original poster

ThatchersCold · 22/08/2018 22:01

Problem solved...I gave him a lift rather than him using my car. After reading the responses I was worried that I may not have been insured when I used his car, but checked my policy and I am insured to drive other cars. Going to get him to check his too as if he’s not even insured third party he’s definitely not driving my car even if it is just down the road.

Yes it probably is a case of his driving being the problem rather than insurance, I admit I’m a nervous passenger at the best of times but I’d describe his driving as erratic, I never feel relaxed in the car with him and often close my eyes in terror. Luckily because my car is bigger and nicer I’m the default driver usually when both cars are on the road.

OP posts:

Flip