To check on my crying child?

[Fretful]

I can't even think straight and just don't know what's reasonable anymore between my husband and I.

There's probably loads of backstory, but the shortest version is a quick question about tonight's scenario - DD2, 7, went downstairs to collect something; the rest of the family (me, DH, and 2 other children) were upstairs. DD2 suddenly started bawling - the kind where you know it's either fear or pain. DH was closest to the stairs so got down to her first. I stood at the top of the stairs to try and see what was wrong.

It turns out our new puppy had nipped her, and so DD had both got a fright and a painful nip.

DH is unhappy that I stood at the top of the stairs asking what was wrong as he was dealing with it. In my opinion, I wasn't checking up on how he dealt with it, I was only trying to see what was making my 7 year old cry so hard.

Any thoughts and opinions would be very gratefully received! I am at a stage where, even though I think I wasn't being unreasonable, I just don't know anymore.

Id have done the same as you. Id expect dh to do the same in reverse. Does your dh feel you dont trust him? It sounds like hevis projecting a bit.

He was dealing with it, he shouldn’t have had to be dealing with you asking too. Maybe you could have run downstairs too to see for yourself instead of shouting from upstairs? On the other hand he could have yelled up ‘its all ok don’t worry’. Tbh I can see both sides. Are you ok?

Of course you're not unreasonable for asking what's wrong. Sounds like your dh has issues.

I get that too - sometimes if my DD is hurt/crying and my DH is comforting her, it's really hard not to muscle in for a mummy cuddle! Logically I know that of course he's taking good care of her, I just still want to be involved

Yanbu.

Did you ask once or keep asking?
I'd expect an 'is she OK?' 'yes' exchange but not a big discussion of the details.

I would also have done the same as you. Think DHs can sometimes feel overly scrutinised.

I’d do the same, OP, he’s dealing, I’m asking for details. Strikes me as normal.

YANBU. I would do the same. Just because he's dealing with it doesn't stop you caring.

He was dealing with it, he shouldn’t have had to be dealing with you asking too

I agree with this as this is what would happen in my house. I would be looking after distressed child and dh would be shouting from a distance all wound up: escalating the drama. I say to him: I have it under control, if I don't I will call you. Fwiw he's useless in a panic but even if he wasn't you have to trust the other party is dealing, they will call you for reinforcements if they need it.

Yanbu. I did the same earlier. DS and DH were in the lounge. DS suddenly started screaming so I immediately shouted through asking what's wrong.

Agree this is normal, I often do this. I ask what’s wrong and OH tells me I say you need help...no...ok then he does the same to me.
Did he want you to be totally disinterested or did he want you to run downstairs and make a fuss?

I done this the other day and DP said do you not trust my response and I said yes I do but it is a normal maternal/ parental instinct . I would ask once and if no answer I wouldn't keep shouting I would just go and check myself.

It was just a 'what's happened?', as the crying was so intense. Other times I would just let him sort it if he was there first, but this sounded worse so I was worried about what it actually was.

He challeneged me on it in front of the kids, which never helps.

Sorry, challenged

Thank you for your responses, it's helpful

I would have done exactly the same, just instinct.