Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cash for wedding gift - how much to give?

48 replies

queenworkerbee · 21/08/2018 19:59

Off to a wedding next month (used to be a very close friend, I had initially asked her to be my BM for mine in a couple of years time however we haven't really spoke much in the last year)
She knows DP has been promoted however that job hasn't started yet so salary only kicks in in a couple of months.
We are SKINT this month and next. I've just been made redundant and we have a lot of debt to pay off, so although in theory DP earns a good wage, it's all allocated to paying off the enormous debt (and a lot of peoples weddings to go to plus paying for ours)
Anyway this friend has asked for cash towards a dream honeymoon that's costing them thousands... However they are expecting the wedding guests to pay for it because
I don't know what to do. We can't afford to give a great amount (even 50 too much) - they have spent a fortune on the wedding so I'm worried about the whole 'gift what your plate cost' thing that seems to be the given in our circle.
What would you mumsnetters do? I hate giving cash at weddings for this exact reason (but at least they didn't write a poem...)

OP posts:
Catmum26 · 21/08/2018 20:42

we asked for money towards our honeymoon too if people wanted to. we didn’t expect it and said we would rather people joined in our day. when it came to opening the cards we didn’t pay any attention to who gave us how much. i’m sure your friend isn’t expecting a certain amount off you and will honestly be grateful for whatever you give whether that’s money or a small gift.

WaterOffaDucksCrack · 21/08/2018 20:43

As a single parent I used to give 30 quid from myself. Had one person comment it looked tight and they were giving 50. I explained theirs was from both of them, two incomes so I thought 30 from one was fair. How much can you afford and how much can your partner afford?

iamyourequal · 21/08/2018 20:48

You have asked for honest opinions and I think £20 is too low. I’d personally be too embarrassed to give that, especially for an all day wedding. I would try and save up at least £50 by living really meagrely over the next month. I’m not saying that’s the right thing to do, and perhaps you have a great friend who doesn’t give a stuff about material things - but I wouldn’t be taking that chance if it were me!

SoyDora · 21/08/2018 20:52

I’m genuinely surprised at people saying a certain amount is ‘not enough’. It’s a gift. We didn’t ask for or expect anything on our wedding day, although of course people did very kindly give gifts and money. I would have been ashamed of myself if I started thinking certain amounts were ‘lowly’ or gifts not extravagant enough. Anything that people were kind enough to give was much appreciated. It was our choice to marry and to spend what we did on the wedding.

Original poster
queenworkerbee · 21/08/2018 20:56

I agree Iamyourequal I would feel quit embarrassed giving a meagre amount - however we already are going to be living frugally over the next month.
If we don't have it though we just don't have it. The cost of attending these things is extremely high too and we can barely afford petrol for that (will drive so no temptation to drink as that's an unnecessary expense) - after debts, bills, food there's not anything this month.
Wasn't expecting to lose my job last month but these things happen and once I get another one it will be back to normal again so just a case of terrible timing really!
Borrowing is an option from family, may do that. Hmm.
Thanks for honest opinions really appreciate it Smile

OP posts:
Boofay · 21/08/2018 20:56

Make a money spider out of fivers! We were given a money spider out of fivers for our wedding and I loved it! You need five notes so £25! Put it in a box and it makes a lovely gift!
www.origami-resource-center.com/money-spider.html

Original poster
queenworkerbee · 21/08/2018 20:57

Boofay that's fab!! I am quite crafty so could easily do that too

OP posts:
glintandglide · 21/08/2018 20:58

To be honest, if you gave nothing they probably won’t notice. But when it comes to low amounts- I mean where does give what you can afford end? £10?£5? Is a wedding, really special occasion, I think it needs to be distinguished from the amount you might put in your nephews birthday card type pressie.

And it’s nothing to do with what the bride and groom might think, more about what a respectable present is in the first place

WaterOffaDucksCrack · 21/08/2018 20:58

Maybe this is what some people do though Yep! I went to a wedding and they put the total amount of Thomas Cook vouchers they received on Facebook! They received a few late ones over the weeks that followed and kept a running total! Paid for nearly their whole honeymoon which clearly wasn't good enough as it was "a shame some people couldn't have been a few pounds more generous as it would have been great to have the whole holiday paid for!" I shit you not. I don't have much to do with them now! I'm just waiting for the piles of presents posts for their kids first Christmas!

SoyDora · 21/08/2018 21:00

I mean where does give what you can afford end?

But what’s the alternative? Giving what you cant afford? Getting into debt to give more? Struggling to pay bills? Or declining the invitation? Surely no bride or groom would want someone to get into debt for their wedding, or for them to feel like they couldn’t attend because they couldn’t give a sufficient gift?

glintandglide · 21/08/2018 21:03

Probably just give a card soy. The B&G will think the present got lost in the chaos of the wedding

anniehm · 21/08/2018 21:04

I prefer to give a gift - a picture frame, vase whatever - go to charity shops and put in a gift box with decent ribbon (also found in charity shop). I then add cash or a voucher if appropriate, but not always.

iamyourequal · 21/08/2018 21:11

Oh queenworkerbee. Listen you sound a lovely person. Your friend will know that, I’m sorry I posted what I did - it’s just the way I worry about these things. Another idea- posted here on another thread- is to enclose a voucher/invitation to the bride and groom, for them to come to yours for a nice meal/overnight stay as Mr & Mrs. They will likely be very busy after the wedding, so you won’t have to host them until you get a new job and DH gets a pay rise.

lazyarse123 · 21/08/2018 21:13

We had a family wedding and are on a very low income. We put £10 in a card and my dh made them a gift a couple of weeks later (talented carpenter). We had a lovely card thanking us for both gifts. Not every bride and groom are entitled and greedy. Give what you can without getting into debt. I don't know if that spider would work with the new fivers.

youokhon · 21/08/2018 21:13

If you really are that strapped, I'd buy a nice photo frame (for the wedding picture)

Why? Confused They asked for money. Everyone knows what a photo frame costs anyway, just put that £10 in an envelope and write have a drink on us in a card. If they are good friends and lovely as you describe it won't be an issue for them how much the guests give them.

Original poster
queenworkerbee · 21/08/2018 21:16

Iamyourequal nothing to say sorry for! This is AIBU, these responses are tame Grin I get anxious too and would hate to be looked upon as thoughtless.
These ideas are all fab

OP posts:
Original poster
queenworkerbee · 21/08/2018 21:18

Wateroffaduckscrack omg!!!

OP posts:
Eliza9917 · 21/08/2018 21:21

I gave my sister £100 from me & DP two weeks ago.

CoughLaughFart · 21/08/2018 21:25

I wouldn’t give cash at all in these circumstances. I hate the whole ‘Let the guests pay for the honeymoon’ mentality. If you want a big honeymoon, have a small wedding.

The whole fashion in certain circles for ‘covering your plate’ is extremely tacky. It’s not a night out when you’re splitting the bill. YOU choose how much to spend on YOUR wedding - it’s not up to you to dictate how much your guests spend. If you can only afford your wedding if guests ‘cover their plate’, you can’t afford your wedding.

WhereIsBlueRabbit · 21/08/2018 21:34

Put in what you can afford! My DSis just got married - they received cash gifts ranging from £20 to £150 (most were £50 or under bar very close family/friends). They were equally grateful for all of them - as you would expect from people nice enough for you to be friends with!

UnderTheSleepingBaby · 21/08/2018 21:35

A friend of mine got married shortly before me and I just suggested to her that rather than us give them money that they would then feel obliged to give back at our wedding, we could avoid putting a price on the friendship and just not do the cash gift part in either direction. We each got the other a token gift of the keepsake variety and it saved the stress. She is a very close friend though, so I had no hesitation about having that conversation.
Don't know if your wedding is too far off for you to feel like suggesting this?

Golde · 21/08/2018 21:35

Do the money spider. It's cool.

TheDowagerCuntess · 21/08/2018 21:39

This is why we told people 'no presents' - I hate the idea of people stressing over this, it's hideous.

Just come to the wedding, help celebrate and enjoy yourself.

Nobody needs a present.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page