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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He ate team lunch

58 replies

BertieBott · 21/08/2018 13:54

I work in a large call centre type of place and instead of paying us properly, every now and then they give us treats Hmm. Eg. We met out target this month, a slice of pizza for Everyone and boxes will be delivered to the team leaders desks for distribution.

So, our team of 12 decided to do a ‘world food day’ for lunch. E.g someone from Spain brought paella, a Cornish pastie etc.

Obviously we only brought enough for ourselves. It was on one of our desks at lunch time. A lunchbox of Hungarian stew, some rice etc, obviously lunchboxes from home.

Normally when the company lays on a spread they make a big song and dance about it e.g. in celebration of out ten year anniversary doughnuts for all, and they hire someone to lay it out all fancy. This was lunchboxes on a desk.

We are in an open plan office of over 100. We all started helping ourselves buffet style. One cf manager of our department came over to help herself Hmm. And then two randoms also came over. No one knew who they were and thought maybe someone asked them over. No one said anything, there was plenty to go round and we had a lovely lunch.

Now one of the two randoms sent a group email to our team ‘It should have been made more clear that this was just for your team and not everyone was free to join. You made me embarrassed and I’m sure many others too.’

We’ve just ignored the message.

  1. Whenever the company lays on a spread they make a big song and dance about it.
  1. It was food on someone’s desk, not a communal area.
  1. The only people taking food were people from that ‘island’ of 12 desks. No one else.
  1. It was obviously mismatched home serving containers and homemade food.

5 there was Enough for 10 or so. Not 100 fucking people in the whole office?

Aibu to think this person was an idiot.

Were we unreasonable to not have a banner up saying ‘IT team only’ or whatever, instead of assuming it’s obviously to anyone with eyes and a brain?

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 21/08/2018 13:56

So no apology, just blame?

ManorGreyhound · 21/08/2018 13:57

Hmmm...sounds like a misunderstanding to me.

I can see both sides of it tbh.

Hiphopopotamus · 21/08/2018 13:59

i actually think you should have made it more clear. I'd be embarrassed to find out that I'd taken someones lunch! And it's an understandable mistake if you often have communal food. I would just send an apology message back - ignoring it doesn't seem nice.

serbska · 21/08/2018 14:01

i actually think you should have made it more clear. I'd be embarrassed to find out that I'd taken someones lunch!

Same! I would be mortified!

Although I would probably ask first.

VladmirsPoutine · 21/08/2018 14:01

I can't stand food made by others at home so perhaps I'm not best placed to post but yabu. I'd never begrudge anyone a biscuit or whatever food.

BruceAndNosh · 21/08/2018 14:03

"Well if you start eating food off other people's desks, you embarrass yourself..."

apriljune12 · 21/08/2018 14:04

Oh agree vladmirsPoutine not for me. As a DS i saw far too many disgusting kitchens in what you would term ‘normal peoples’ Houses

I would reassure them op they are probably mortified.

catlady3 · 21/08/2018 14:06

I can see why they would feel embarrassed, but tbh that person's response to that feeling rubs me the wrong way. Maybe I've lived in Britain too long, but my reaction would probably have been to send a half apologetic / half joke-y message to your team, oops kind of thing. So it's not about their message but about how that's packaged. And I'd probably bring in some biscuits for your team the next day (I don't bake). So I don't think you're being unreasonable, but I can understand why the situation was maybe a bit ambiguous and sometimes, people just don't pay that much attention. If I were on your team, for next time, I'd make it more obvious and maybe open it up to anyone who'd like to join in, if that's an option.

LeighaJ · 21/08/2018 14:08

How is their lack of common sense other people's problem?

VladmirsPoutine · 21/08/2018 14:09

Is a part of your post missing because I can't understand how you got to this part:

Now one of the two randoms sent a group email to our team ‘It should have been made more clear that this was just for your team and not everyone was free to join. You made me embarrassed and I’m sure many others too.’

Did someone say something to someone and who was that someone?

I would honestly rather go hungry than eat a 'stew' made in someone else's kitchen but how did they know? I really hate office politics so yanbu on that front but what went on for them to send an e-mail and apparently to all of you which clearly seems bizarre.

LaGattaNera · 21/08/2018 14:10

instead of paying us properly, every now and then they give us treats .....a slice of pizza

wow I'd rather have cash please than a slice of pizza find this extraordinary!

Topseyt · 21/08/2018 14:13

You probably should have made it much clearer. I can see how the misunderstanding could occur.

However, his email should have been apologetic more than blaming.

ScrambledSmegs · 21/08/2018 14:13

So he's blaming you (plural) for his theft of your team's food?

Cheeky sod. Tell him he should feel embarrassed and he should have asked if he was unsure.

livefornaps · 21/08/2018 14:17

Tell them you are surprised by this response as it seems they are blaming you for their mistake. They should ask in future as the people who wrongfully helped themselves while (literally) bringing nothing to the table of clearly homemade food were the only ones to embarrass themselves. Tell them you accept no responsibility for their behaviour as they were the ones at fault.

This is typical behaviour of people higher up the food chain - they think they are entitled to everything and if they get caught out they blame the little people! Stamp this out now and stand up for yourselves!

Allthewaves · 21/08/2018 14:20

Sounds like someone bitched or took mick out of the random and thru r totally embarrassed

Andtheresaw · 21/08/2018 14:25

This is exactly what I did once, while visiting a different site. The food was set up next to the hotdesk I was on. It was indeed mortifying (though bloody delicious!). The difference is, as I'm not a jackass, I sent a message to the team apologising, thanking them for being so generous, and bought them a big box of chocs as 'delayed dessert'.
Your interloper sounds like an idiot OP.

Neolara · 21/08/2018 14:25

Well a normal response to finding out you've troughed your way through someone else's lunch would be to be embarrassed and send out an apology. Not to go on the attack.

CSIblonde · 21/08/2018 14:25

Blimey, they'd be no good where I work. Huge place & on every floor some team or bay of desks have food for weekly treat, baking competition, end of project, leaver, baby, birthday. You can't go 6paces without seeing all kinds of food & there are 22floors!

sashh · 21/08/2018 14:30

I'd be tempted to send an email to everyone

Dear all,

Just to clarify, if someone brings in their own lunch in their own lunch box it is for them not the entire room.

If an individual (or more than one individual) chooses to share their food then that is their prerogative and they can choose who with and when.

For future reference and to avoid embarrassment or misunderstanding do not take any food from an individual's lunch box if you have not been invited.

If you are unsure whether food is intended for you

  1. check your email inbox, if there is no invitation then go to stage 2

  2. Ask the individual(s) opening their lunch if they intend to eat it, share it with their team or share it with the entire company (or another person or group).

  3. Check the table the food is on, if there is a sign saying, "for all" you may take some of the food.

  4. please use some common sense, if you do not have any then please ask someone who does.

Lweji · 21/08/2018 14:34

Do another mixed lunch next week and place banners all around it with

Cheeky Fuckers who are not part of Team XXX do NOT touch food

CurlyWurlyTwirly · 21/08/2018 14:37

Don’t mention blame. Just say, “glad you enjoyed the food, we’ll be sure to make it clear next time; sorry!”
Then they’ll look like the idiots

livefornaps · 21/08/2018 14:46

Why should they be the ones apologising?!

That's stupid advice and it lets them get away with it.

A four part plan is also stupid

apriljune12 · 21/08/2018 14:48

Somebody must have bitched though? Yeuk hate offices

toomanychilder · 21/08/2018 14:50

In an open plan office, you had a shared lunch for ten people? Not only is that quite rude, its also anti-social...the people at the desks next to you have to smell your mish mash of different foods but don't get any?
Take it off the floor at least!

Oblomov18 · 21/08/2018 15:03

"You made me embarrassed" said one of the ransoms?

Really? Not so embarrassed that you stopped yourself from piling your plate up high, before scuttling off to gobble it all up, without having said a word?

No? Only embarrassed afterwards, eh? Hmm

He didn't scroll up and announce "you lot all having lunch, any going spare"?

Had he not bought a sandwich from home? What was he planning to eat for lunch? Before this buffet presented itself?

Mind you, pod of 12, in-and-amongst a floor of 100 people. Maybe you do need to spell it out to people, for future?