To worry about my dd as her brother has Asc..

[Takiwatanga]

Hi all,

I am so worried about the stress and anxiety our daughter has been exhibiting lately and we think this is down to our sons asc, mainly his meltdowns, violent outbursts and overall rigidity and loudness.

Our son is not yet 4 and has already had a lot of input from professionals, ourselves and privately. We are now focusing on our daughter more, and her own stress levels due to everything we have gone through as a family. The focus has been on our son a lot as he is so demanding, we still tried to give our daughter one on one time and lots of time out and about with just one us parents, but it's hard to put her completely to the for front all the time as our sons autism doesn't allow for it. However, we see now at a place we have to as I realise how much our sons asc has impacted our girl. I'm utterly heartbroken and completely lost as to how to help her and our boy and make all of this better. I'll admit I've had lots of tears about this and been shouty at God in the car (if there even is one!?)

To those of you who have experience of having an autistic family member, particularly a sinking, please can you help me with any words I'd advice or wisdom in how to best help our dd. She is 6.

Thank you in advance. Sorry if this post doesn't fit here, posting mainly for traffic in the hope it'll rwach a bigger audience.

Sorry for typos x

Are there any family support groups local to you? Try googling "autism" plus the name of the area you live to see what comes up or contact CAHMS/CYPS for your area as they should have details of what is available in the area. Quite often these support groups will run sibling sessions, a weekly or monthly club where the siblings of children with ASC can meet together to do activities, talk, and relax with children who understand what it's like. They often also run parenting support groups that deal with issues like balancing the needs of the whole family, supporting siblings, coming to terms with diagnosis, etc.

to you. It is hard trying to make sure the whole family gets what they need.

My brother was diagnosed with autism but not till his 20s. He had a statement of special educational needs that pretty much spelled it out though (parents were very head in sand about it). My mum took him to lots of alternative therapies though and I remember feeling quite jealous of the attention but more than that what really borthered me was them submitting to his autistic stubbornness. Like if I had a tantrum in a shop wanting to be bought something they’d say no. My brother having a tantrum, not for sensory issues or anything, just wanting a chocolate bar or the like - because it was so much worse than mine he’d get it. So many times I watched on in horror as his “worse” behaviour was rewarded where my not as bad but similar behaviour had been punished. That really messed me up.

My parents were very liberal and laissez faire and ironically I think this was actually far worse for my brother than me. He needed rules and structure and boundaries even more than me (and even I missed them). I feel it’s very important to realise that while special needs can explain a behaviour and it’s intensity they can’t be an excuse for it. The same rules have to apply to everyone even if some people need more help following them.

I have three NT children and a child who has non verbal ASC and learning difficulties.

Our household routines revolve around ensuring his needs are met at all times.

The children are all aware, for example what they need to do or not if their brother goes into meltdown.

When my eldest two, where younger I gave them a note pad where they could write/ draw their fears or worries about their own lives and their brother's needs. Also a lockable box, where they could keep all of their valuables/ toys. This helped.

After school as I giving my ASD child their 30 min therapy session my NT children come in and talk to me about general stuff and worries.

Every Saturday between 102 each child in turn gets either mine or DH attention and we do something that child likes have brunch,/ lunch. The other parent is is doing a 1:1 activity with ASC.child. Every Sunday we have a family day each child inc ASC child gets to pick what we do and what we eat for dinner.

It is not perfect, it is hard meeting his needs at times, but this works for us.

Do you get any me time for you op? It is important to look after yourself and your partners needs too.

Mine are both teenagers and my youngest finds it very difficult to cope with her sister's ASD and anxiety

She is incredibly resentful of the time I spend with her sister and as a single parent I find it nearly impossible to get 1:1 time with my youngest -even if we are just sitting chatting that time is often interrupted

We never go out altogether and haven't had a holiday for 4 years -I feel incredibly guilty about it but I'm doing my best -that's all we can do 😊

Thanks everyone for the feedback. I am involved in support groups locally and have friends in similar positions. We are very fortunate in that respect. Every family is different though, and our personal difficulties are unique to us which can make things seem harder still...

These kids books are free, might help explain why he has some difficulties www.asdinfowales.co.uk/autism-superhero-2

I have three kids, two with autism. Yes it's rough on the NT kids but then life isn't great. If it's not this it's something else.

Thank you Auspicious, I'll take a look.

imnotreally yes I agree life can be rough, but that doesn't take away from the fact my daughter suffers because of this. I also see plenty of famalies with NT kids go through their own personal problems, but again-this doesn't make me feel any better about my daughters struggles, and my sons. I would also argue that growing up I didn't have the perfect childhood, however it wasn't as hard as some I see with siblings with asd. How many NT kids do you have?