My mums behaviour

[Stpancras]

I need some helping with how I feel about my Mums behaviour. Some recent examples:

We are expats and come back to the Uk for a month every summer. We rent a house not far from my Mum and Dad.

Today we asked my Mum for a lift to the train station near them (5 mins drive). When we opened the car to get it in, there was a picnic packed for our day out. Which we don’t want, didn’t ask for, don’t need! She was furious when we didn’t take it (we have enough to carry and have already packed snacks).

Next, whilst in the car she tells us (tells, not asks) that she wants to invite my aunt to see us tomorrow. Tomorrow is the day we have arranged for my MIL to spend with grandkids, mum has had a month to arrange this with my aunt. It will thoroughly piss my MiL off. I managed to put her off by saying that i believe said aunt to be on hols, but i am still annoyed by the inisitence and overbearing behaviour.

Is it just me? Lots more examples like this. She can also be very kind and loving.

My DM is a bit like this: she'll have a 'marvellous' idea, and when I say, sorry, can't do it, she'll get sulky. You are rubbish at standing up to her because you have been brought up to give in to her. This may sound mean but I have had issues with standing up for myself with DM and DF, and it came from being pretty much forced to shut up and put up as a young child.

So there’s a pattern of behaviour where, without consulting you, she makes decisions about what you’re going to do, and then gets angry if you don’t comply?

That sounds very annoying and stressful.

What does she do if you explicitly tell her to ask you first before making plans (or picnics)?

Thanks everyone. I appreciate all perspectives. This definitely fits a pattern, but i can see where the “it’s just a picnic” poster come from.

She pushes me endlessly with overbearing “kindness” that cannot be questioned or disputed. She decides an act is good/kind therefore it is. No matter how it impacts others.

To respond to questions about how she reacted to me not wanting to take the picnic - she balled her coat up and threw it hard at the picnic bag🙄 She’s now being very off with me.

Why wound I take a picnic for four people and throw it away as some have suggested? If she had called I could have said “thank you but we have snacks/plan to have lunch in a restaurant/don’t want to carry much” which is the perfectly ok truth IMO.

Silent treatment is the pits and she does it all the time. All my family do and I am fed up with it.