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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to advise my workplace against this guy?

41 replies

THEACAFEA · 21/08/2018 09:29

I work in a job which requires me to protect the public. Someone who did me a favour once asked me to return it, and meet with his friend and give him advice regarding entering my line of work. It's not sensitive work, so I did it. Seemed like a nice bloke but got a funny vibe from him. I gave him loads of advice, and he took it on board and has applied.

He popped up on my Instagram as his number is linked. So I had a look... he's odd. He posts a lot of photos of him in the bath, follows a lot of very young looking half naked women, posts photos of him in the mirror with his penis almost on show (pubic hair visible), has had a few conversations with women which are pretty crude and disgusting... he's even posted saying 'don't message me unless you're legal' - legal to me means 16, and he is in his 40s. I know this is his life, but in my line of work, this would be completely unacceptable and I'm not sure management would want someone like this working for them. Women's rights and the protection of vulnerable women and children etc.

If I tell them, it would likely get back to the person who asked me for the favour...

My gut tells me to speak to management. Something else tells me to let them get on with it and hopefully find out for themselves...

What would you do? WIBU to report?

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 21/08/2018 09:31

Wouldn't there be some kind of vetting that would find this out before he was offered a job? I do think you should report it if not though

Hidillyho · 21/08/2018 09:33

Do your work not check social media? If your in a line of work protects vulnerable people it’s reasonable to think they would check all platforms.

Is there anyway you could advise them to check social media for all candidates that have applied and they are considering offering the job to?

FASH84 · 21/08/2018 09:34

In my line of work (sounds similar to yours) that kind of social media would be a sackable offence. You could just go to the manager and say, you are asked to give him an insight into the role which you did happily, but you are now connected on social media and his profile concerns you from an organisational perspective. Then show them, it's common for employers to check social media for new recruits, I wouldn't say anything about weird vibes etc, keep to the facts, let your manager make the decisions.

SunflowerJo08 · 21/08/2018 09:35

Leave an anon note saying to look at the social media of this person. That can then be their excuse to not give him the job. He sounds a right freak.

FASH84 · 21/08/2018 09:35

My line of work don't check social media unless concerns are raised, public sector, assuming yours might be similar

Original poster
THEACAFEA · 21/08/2018 09:36

Oh I would never give my personal opinion on what I thought of the bloke as a person. Just his social media that freaked me out a bit! I had to add him to see it as it is set to private. I don't even know why I did as I follow less than 50 people. I genuinely just had a weird vibe so wanted to see what was on it and clearly my gut was right.

I would have to show them as as much as there is a vetting process, we aren't the powers that be and can't get on to sites if they are private 👎🏽

OP posts:
Permaexhaustion · 21/08/2018 09:40

It's an on the bus / off the bus issue.

That's to say, if you have info which casts doubt on his suitability as regards any kind of safeguarding, you can either pass it on( as anonymously as possible), or you can fail to do so.

If it was, eg suspected but not proven theft, you could shrug your shoulders, say to yourself, not my problem, I'll not get involved. It doesn't work like that with safeguarding. You pass on concerns, or you're effectively concealing them.

Original poster
THEACAFEA · 21/08/2018 09:42

The thing is I'm not sure he's an actual threat, just a bit of a weirdo. Amazingly he's married... I think I'll just have to raise it as a 'by the way' type thing. I don't think I would even feel comfortable going for a coffee with him. Doubt I would have had I seen his social media first which says a lot!

OP posts:
Cath2907 · 21/08/2018 09:42

Personally I'd pass that information on in as professional a way as possible. The powers that be can decide whether to continue to hire him or not once they see it. If they think it isn't an issue then so be it.

MaisyPops · 21/08/2018 09:47

I think I'd just mention that a friend asked you to give some advice about moving into this line of work and since then he has popped up as a suggestion on social media. After adding him as a friend of a friend you say x y z that left you with questions and felt the need to pass it on. Show screengrabs of potentially problematic material. Let the people with relevant authority decide what to do.

nakedscientist · 21/08/2018 09:50

You are right that this is the guy’s life and it’s up to him what he does. However he must also realise that this behaviour is not compatible with a number of professional, public facing jobs.
I’d be sacked too with this social media profile and I would be really surprised if a colleague withheld this info about a candidate I was interviewing.
Also if he did go on to do something bad, how would you feel? I would management and let them decide.

nakedscientist · 21/08/2018 09:50
  • tell management
MsHomeSlice · 21/08/2018 09:53

If he has a private instagram then it won't show up in a SM search....that's kind of the point of the private setting.

If you want management to see his photos you will have to show them.

CoraPirbright · 21/08/2018 09:55

If I tell them, it would likely get back to the person who asked me for the favour...

How would that happen? If you told management (which I think you should given the nature of your work), they will surely just say “sorry your application has not been successful” not “bog off, Thea told us your instagram is weird”! Can you not ask them to be discreet about your input?

JamieVardysHavingAParty · 21/08/2018 10:16

Honestly, it looks very clear-cut from outside.

A bloke in his 40s who-
gets his kicks posting carefully posed nude selfies;
engages in explicitly sexual conversations in view of all his friends on social media, and puts the onus on young women in his social circle to police themselves and only contact him if they're over 16? It's the responsibility of a 15 year-old not to message him, not his responsibility to go, "erm, maybe I shouldn't send this to Katie?"

Someone who puts a disclaimer of responsibility like that up would make me uncomfortable with that piece of information alone. Normal, responsible single men and women flirt and more online, but they take care with whom they do it, and they don't just launch into it whenever any attractive person crops up online. In short, they pay attention to social boundaries.

I wonder if he's taken a screenshot of himself posting that to use as evidence in his defence if parents/the police contact him about messaging a minor in the future?

With all that in mind, this guy has now sought out career-specific advice on how to move into a fiend that involves safeguarding and vulnerable women and children? Hmm!

Share your concerns, definitely.

JamieVardysHavingAParty · 21/08/2018 10:17

*field

Dotty1969 · 21/08/2018 10:17

If your role is as you describe then I would see it as your duty to say something.

81Byerley · 21/08/2018 10:18

I think just pass it on. He won't know why he didn't get the job- could be any number of reasons.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 21/08/2018 10:34

I would also tell friend when he doesn’t get the job that your work checks social media as part of the process so is there anything he wouldn’t have wanted a prospective employer to see? That way he gets a heads up and will hopefully stop these cringey posts.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 21/08/2018 10:35

By friend I mean the person you owed the favour to, not the bloke himself.

nannyCrumb · 21/08/2018 10:37

He's done nothing illegal.

Stay out of it.

Babycham1979 · 21/08/2018 10:37

Dear Mr X,

regrettably, I am writing to inform you that we cannot offer you the job you really wanted and are well qualified for, due to a current employee reporting that she gets 'a funny vibe' off you. We have followed-up her disclosure and found that you have previously posted perfectly legal content online of which she disapproves.

We have a strict policy of barring potential employees who give off 'funny vibes', seek to apply prejudice-based mob-rule wherever possible.

Sincerely

Mr Pitchfork,
The Employer You Really Wanted to Work For

RavenWings · 21/08/2018 10:41

I wouldn't be overly concerned about those half naked girls, they sound like the usual Insta model types and make money from keeping these guys following them about - they're a very common occurrence on instagram.

The rest of it however is a bit off, definitely.

MyBloodyMaltesersAreMelting · 21/08/2018 10:43

You know you have to report it
What management do is their decision
nannyCrumb give over , when you work with vulnerable people you should know what kind of behaviour is unacceptable

Original poster
THEACAFEA · 21/08/2018 10:44

@nannyCrumb there are a lot of things in my line of work that would get you sacked and many of them aren't illegal!

OP posts:
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