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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to abuse medication

50 replies

Mrsfloss · 21/08/2018 01:17

I am holiday with dh, I’m 6 years sober from alcohol.

I am on medication for anxiety, yesterday I took a extra two thinking it would make me more relaxed. The reality is I was sleepy and legs were wobbling and a bit out of it.

I abused it and did not want that to happen. I guess I just wanted a release that I can’t get anywhere.

I have never taken extra tablet before,

My DH is absolutely mad, really arguing in front of DS 14. Saying I’m just like being on alcohol I have ruined my sobriety. Totally not taling to me and yelling when I talk,

Passive aggressive in front of Ds

I was totally unreasoned to take the
and I know this. aibu For him to continually fall on about about it?? He drink and goes to bed, about once a week and I never say anuthing

OP posts:

Original poster

Mrsfloss · 21/08/2018 10:40

They are prescribed for emergency situation. I get 2mg x 10 to last a month to take when anxiety gets so bad that drink may be an option.

I took three times normal account. One soon after the other cause I wanted a buzz. Back to programme for me. Spoke to sponser and back to step one and also advised to restart sobriety time as abused medication and I am ok with that

OP posts:

Original poster

Mrsfloss · 21/08/2018 10:47

Add I haven’t used them all recovery, only past month due to crippling health anxiety due to having major op next month. Thinking I’ll die and being completley irrational. Hoping to come over after op

OP posts:

Tomatoesrock · 22/08/2018 20:11

Hi, just checking up if you made contact with a sponsor. Everyone likes a buzz is there something fun you can do, a hobby to get your adrenaline pumping again.

It is possible the anxiety of the operation made you want to go off on one, but still it is better to reach out for support now you have recognised the signs.

mimibunz · 22/08/2018 20:16

Being on benzos isn’t sober. They are addictive class C drugs and you shouldn’t take them for anxiety. Your GP is being irresponsible for giving you a long term prescription.

Original poster

Mrsfloss · 22/08/2018 20:35

Hi, I updated above that I spoke to sponser and my abstinence has started over. Currently day 5!

OP posts:

Racecardriver · 22/08/2018 20:38

My mother did this. It was even worse than when she had been drinking (Im talking can't form coherent sebtancees drinking). Please seek help.

LEMtheoriginal · 22/08/2018 20:44

Dont beat yourself up over this - 2mg is a really low dose. If you are struggling maybe talk to your gp about an alternative medication for anxiety that you can take long term. I have escitalopram for anxiety and sometimes need diazepam too. Have on occasion doubled the dose when things have been bad. The key is not to take it long term.

Its a blip - keep going

Original poster

Mrsfloss · 22/08/2018 21:06

I will I will. Thanks all, bunch if vipers I don’t thinks!

Sorry for typos on phone and loosing my eyesight in my old age!

OP posts:

FruitCider · 22/08/2018 21:25

Why on earth has your GP prescribed an addictive medication knowing you are in recovery?

Why are you happy to take an addictive medication when you are in recovery?

Have you thought about giving up the addictive medication?

If you can't give it up you know where I'm going to go with this....

throwawayagain · 22/08/2018 21:33

6mg of Diazepam isn't a huge amount.
I was on 10mg a night for a while. I now get the 2mg for daily use, but as you said - you only get a few.
It's better than drinking imho.

FruitCider · 22/08/2018 22:37

It's better than drinking imho

No no no!!!

Anyone that has a tendency to like sedation eg those that have been addicted to alcohol, pregabalin, opiates absolutely need to stay away from benzodiazepines! There is an underlying reason why the op misused it...

Jixy8731 · 22/08/2018 22:38

I think folk are being very harsh. You have been through a lot. I think it might have been right for your partner to say, what happened last night? And what triggered it? But it’s not like you are doing it night after night. PND, anxiety, sobriety, it all incredibly tough and you might have your weak days.

otterturk · 22/08/2018 22:49

It was a one off. He shouldn't make you feel worse.

CommanderDaisy · 22/08/2018 23:03

I am a bit baffled that your dr has put you on an addictive medication like diazepam, knowing your history with alcohol . Have you not been completely honest with them?
That said 6 mg is a small dose, and while I wouldn't repeat it given the reason say you took it - it's a tiny dose.

BUT
I'm glad to hear you spoke to your sponsor.

BUT
Your DH was way out of order. That type of behaviour for someone with an anxiety disorder is bonkers and will have just made you need to take another bloody Valium. Constantly harping on about this slip while you are already punishing yourself mentally is dangerous for YOU and your addiction. He may have been through the wringer with you and your recovery from alcohol but that does not give him the right to behave like he has/is.

It's a slip. They happen. You pick yourself up, and dust yourself off and get back on the wagon. You did not hand your DH a stick to permanently thump you with because of your addiction, he should know better - did he never attend any Al-Anon meetings?

Find out WHY you needed the 'release", what has triggered it. That would be what I'd be looking for.

Gettingbackonmyfeet · 22/08/2018 23:12

I'm really glad you spoke to your sponsor

If you're following that programme you know you broke your sobriety but you can bring it back immediately ...its not about going on a shame spiral that's not helpful

It's great you have returned from your lapse but please don't kid yourself....you changed the way you feel using a substance you know what that is

Pp please think twice about telling someone in this position it's only a little bit or it was just to relax you....thay is extremely dangerous to say yo someone who is in recovery

Of course OP won't die from this but do not enable ...she has to live with the consequences not you, it's really not on

Marriedwithchildren5 · 22/08/2018 23:15

I'm assuming your dh went through a bad time when you were addicted? Surely that give him every right to be upset/angry. You have taken positive steps so hopefully you can both focus on that.

Goth237 · 22/08/2018 23:34

I just wanted to say well done, OP . You realised that you needed some support again and you reached out and got it, that's great and you should (and your DP should) be very proud of you! Keep doing what you're doing and don't beat yourself up. It was a slip and it happens and you can't move forward if you don't realise that you're human, mistakes happen and you should forgive yourself! X

DriftwoodFascinator · 22/08/2018 23:55

@FruitCider, benzos are commonly prescribed for alcohol-dependent people going through withdrawal. Yes, they're usually restricted and closely monitored, but a short course of benzos won't kill an alcoholic when cold turkey withdrawal actually CAN.

Ladybirdbookworm · 23/08/2018 00:22

Just wanted to say I have been thinking ar bout you OP and not to be patronising but well done on contacting your sponsor and restarting your sobriety

Rebecca36 · 23/08/2018 00:41

You only did it once, stop beating yourself up and try to get your partner to see it in proportion. Him going on at you for a one off is hardly helping your anxiety.

musicposy · 23/08/2018 05:20

Talk about your op, OP. Perhaps you can get some reassurance to help you rather than trying to block it out.

FruitCider · 23/08/2018 05:43

@FruitCider, benzos are commonly prescribed for alcohol-dependent people going through withdrawal. Yes, they're usually restricted and closely monitored, but a short course of benzos won't kill an alcoholic when cold turkey withdrawal actually CAN*

Yes, thanks for educating me, a detox nurse, on how detox works 🙄

We actually use a chlordiazepoxide reducing regime - I only use diazepam for benzo withdrawals.

Anyway this lady has not had a drink for 6 years and by her own admission has had diazepam prescribed for pre surgical anxiety.

Original poster

Mrsfloss · 23/08/2018 23:13

I’m having a full hysterectomy where my family’s not complete

OP posts:

Daddyto2monsters · 23/08/2018 23:21

I would first of all like to say that you need to give yourself a massive pat on the back for not turning back to old habits and having alcohol to help you relax.

You have had an addiction in the past and diazepam is highly addictive. I would suggest speaking with your GP and gaining advice from them. Your partner is clearly concerned and this has come out in the way it has. It is unreasonable and unfair for this to be brought back to your past issues as it is completely different.

I would also say what an amazing effort you have made to stop the alcohol intake while your partner still drinks.

Please don't kick yourself or beat yourself up about this, concentrate on the positives and speak with your GP. Concentrate on the fact you have been able to recognise you shouldn't of taken the extra medication and are going to seek help for this.

PS I work in the homeless sector so have some idea what I am talking about.

FruitCider · 24/08/2018 07:30

I’m having a full hysterectomy where my family’s not complete

MrsFloss, talk to us about the events that lead up to you taking the extra diazepam? I'm sure the above is causing you a large amount of distress, but I'm sure there was an immediate trigger that lead to you taking extra medication at the time. Can you remember your thought process? X

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