So I live with my DP my 2 DS and we have his Children 50% of the time, DSD 10 and DSS 5. Recently we have started wedding planning and his DSD has become very involved, by her own choice. All the children of of course welcome an opinion and to help look at ideas but feel we still have the final say especially when there are 4 children so They can’t all pick everything. DSD is now getting angry when her idea isn’t chosen an example is she wanted pink as the colour scheme, I explained she doesn’t like pink and won’t wear it and it’s not my fav colour so while I like her input we have already picked a colour. Cue 3 days of sulking, stomping around to her dad- she doesn’t tend to do it to me as I tell her at 10 she can express her frustration or why she is upset so the sulking doesn’t need to happen esp for days!
Yesterday DP was looking at wedding cakes and and a superhero one popped up (I couldn’t see his phone as was looking and DSD was sat on his lap as wanted to look). She said what about that cake and he said it’s cool but not what we are going for, this was followed by a meltdown that she likes that cake and she refused to talk to him for the rest of the day and at one point pulled his head and had a very determined/ vicious expression on her face trying to hit him.
She is like this over most things that are not about her or exactly as she wants them (def not just wedding) like we went to a theme park and she didn’t fancy a ride but the boys did so she threw a tantrum and did the same including hitting out at her dad.
My issue is she is 10 and with 3 younger ones it needs to be addressed as it’s not behaviour that should be happening also she is getting older and needs to manage her emotions and esp not be hitting out.
For the record she can be amazing and helpful and I have been careful not to push the wedding on them as I know it may be hard, it’s not for 2 years so though gently mentioning would allow them to take it on board and process.
So I AIBU to tell him he needs to be firmer and this behaviour needs to be addressed as he thinks it’s normal girls but to me hitting parents esp Witt the pure rage in her face is not normal!