AIBU about my sister?

[SnowWhitesRestingBitchFace]

My younger sister has recently just had her first baby (my DN is 5 weeks old). For context I gave birth to my third child 12 weeks ago so there are only 7 weeks between our babies.

My mum is obsessed with my sister at the moment. As in she spend her 3 days off a week at my sisters house helping her with my DN. She has babysat my DN over night so my sister could have a night out and my sisters SIL has babysat 3 or 4 times over night so my sister could either go out or get some rest.

I get that this is all fairly new to her (although she tells everyone she knows how much of a strong bond she has with my children and practically helped raised my oldest who is 11 now. Not true at all). I know that this has all come as a complete shock to her system and I believe she genuinely didn't realise how hard it is being a Mum or having a newborn.

But I'm honestly coming to the end of my tether of hearing how tired she is (from either herself or my mum). I'm bloody tired to! I've done 12weeks with not more then an hour to myself a couple of times so I could have a nap and I'm ok with that. I have a young baby and that's what happens.

I want to support her so I make all the right noises and have never voiced these feelings to anyone except my DH but it's really starting to get to me.

I actually sat in the same room as my DM and sister whilst they organised for my DM to have my DN overnight so my sister could go out because she needs time to herself and to relax. It was never acknowledged that I might like to do the same.

I know I sound like a spoilt brat. It's actually making my cringe even writing this because it's reminding me of Jan and Marsha from the Brady bunch.

Please give me a talking to so I don't blow up in real life and say something out of order. I love my DM, I love my sister. They are good people (if a little wrapped up in their own bubbles sometimes) and I hate falling out with people.

'although she tells everyone she knows how much of a strong bond she has with my children and practically helped raised my oldest who is 11 now. Not true at all). '

Perhaps your dm helped more than you remember with your first dc? She's doing the same with your ds?

Congratulations by the way

Remember, you are a relative expert here. She's never done it before and will likely need more support. I know it might feel hurtful or annoying that she is getting some attention now but if you reflect you will probably recall getting the same or similar attention from you parents and your partner's family when you had your first child over a decade ago. This is completely new to your sister; try to be supportive. Think how you might feel if the situation were reversed.

I get why you're annoyed at not being considered, but I'm sure your mum would be willing to help you too. She probably thinks you don't need it because you're a pro .

Maybe have a gentle word with your mum and ask whether she'd mind having your baby for an afternoon as you'd like a break as well.

Have you asked your mum for help?

Hi all thank you for the replies!

I'm fully willing to accept I had lots of help from my mum when my oldest was born. I was a teenage mum and trying to cope with DS and attempting to continue with school (which she was very supportive of) but in the end it was to much and I was exhausted as although I could rely on my DM for childcare during school hours I then had to try and keep up with homework, exam prep (I should have been doing my leaving cert which is the equivalent to a levels in Ireland) and looking after my DS.

I have asked for help since DS3 was born, it was my DH's birthday and we were supposed to be attending an event we had tickets for (I had asked DM before hand) but when it came to the night before the event my DM said she didn't feel up to it so I have my ticket to my SIL and stayed at home.

I think I know logically that we get treated differently because we are very different people with different strengths and weaknesses. I'm just being silly.

You've not mentioned a partner of your sisters, is she a lone parent? If so, perhaps they are offering her more help because of this as they think you have DH (and your other kids) to help you out?

YANBU to feel this way. I think parent and sibling relationships happen so much in the context of each of your roles in the family - is she the baby of the family and you the competent older sibling who doesn't (or isn't seen to) need help? Perhaps you can see the situation who that sense (i.e. you're seen as competent and capable while she's seen as not quite able to manage). I do think it's frustrating though as these roles tend to get entrenched the more help one sibling gets the more they rely on it and feel they can't cope without it while the other one learns to manage and is viewed as even more competent and not needing help. I think I'd find it especially galling if she claimed to have helped raise my child! That said it's probably not worth going to war over - be glad that you're seen as so capable!

YADNBU to feel pissed off, I have that too! I have been told that my sisters know more than me about how to manage children's behaviour because they are a TA in a school...I am a bloody teacher and head of dept!!! Makes me so angry how my abilities are ignored; don't get me started on how they take her kids on holiday but have never looked after mine for even an hour.
I have no advice but to either say to your mum you find it unfair and be prepared to deal with the fall out or vent to DH as needed and keep the peace but spend less time with them.

Thank you again for your replies!

Yes she's the baby of the family and I'm the oldest!

She has a fiancé but he works away during the week (and to be honest is a bit useless anyway which I sympathise with as when I was with my ex I may as well have been a lone parent so I do know how hard it is).

I think I'm just letting the tiredness get to me and the fact I want to be treated the same but in reality I know it's not a big deal and I'm lucky with what I have.

I sympathise OP. I should imagine your dm is feeling that she has to help dsis lots because she's helped you in the past - totally forgetting you might appreciate a hand every now and again or at least not to be told that dsis needs a break/night out/full night's sleep. I would get used to it and just try and rise above it.

I am in a different situation - dm helps me much more than dsis as I live locally & dsis doesn't. Every so often tho they are both quite mean to me for no obvious reason and I'm pretty sure dm feels she's just levelling things up. I'm a lp. I think dsis (baby of the family) makes dm feel guilty but I also think dm has a not very nice side to her and is a bit stupid/easily led.

So, we see less of everyone and do lots with friends and bff's parents. Such a tricky dynamic.

It's helped massively reducing my expectations that anyone will ever be nice to me and I pay a friend's daughter to babysit as she never ever judges me/house/ds

Sorry not much help but congratulations op

It's nice (or not nice, it's not a big crowd situation) to know others know how I feel. We have a big family event coming up at the weekend and they have both travelled there today to spend the week instead.

Just trying not to be bothered anymore!

@Iizzyb I'm so sorry they can be mean to you though, that's really not on!