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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To cut my hours from 46 to 34.5?

23 replies

JackReacherReader · 20/08/2018 04:15

DH thinks I'm being v unreasonable to cut my hours down. But it's only 3 hours off full time and I'd make that up in an early every so often.

I only do nights, I only work bank as a nurse mainly in Children's ICU as that's where I'm trained. I am so sick and tired of doing 4 nights a week- week in week out. I feel like I miss out on so much :(.

I really feel like this will enable me to have a more rounded life. Bit more balance etc. I want to do some clubs and make some friends! I could do mon- wed or fri- sun some weeks and still have time off to acclimatise back to days?

It'll mean we'll lose out on about 500 a month but I think it's worth it, DH is on 37k and we are saving for a house mind you.

Argh! Help me get some perspective! Kick up the bum welcome!

OP posts:

AdventuresRUs · 20/08/2018 04:24

Yanbu. Nights are tough and thats a lot of hours!!

W0rriedMum · 20/08/2018 04:25

46 hours as a nurse is very difficult, especially on overnights, because with handover that often means hitting 50/week.
Friends of mine who are ward nurses all do less than 40, some as low as 32. They can't take the intensity of the ward otherwise.
Do it - your health is more important than working a job and a half.

Original poster

JackReacherReader · 20/08/2018 04:28

It's awful! I've been picking up shifts to help out on the unit as although I'm not permanent I only work there and another unit a bit further away. But I can't do it anymore. I feel jet lagged all the time!

OP posts:

Original poster

JackReacherReader · 20/08/2018 04:32

Plus there's the inevitable never getting a break, i can't claim that back! Some nights you can just about rush to the loo as you've got to have cover to leave your patient and the unit is always at capacity.

I went on the bank because I wanted less stress and I don't think I'm getting that right now.

Just writing it down has helped actually :)

OP posts:

drastard · 20/08/2018 04:36

There's more to life than work.

You're a long time dead, no point in being the richest person in the grave yard etc.

However, £6k a year is a lot to miss out on when saving for a house. How tight are finances at the moment. Is it fair on your husband? What would you say if he wanted to reduce his hours and income for more 'me time'?

Thatsfuckingshit · 20/08/2018 04:55

I totally see your point, but how would you feel if your dh decided to cut £500 pm from his wage? Especially when you have long term plans.

Is there no other way to get a better balance?

eggncress · 20/08/2018 05:02

You could cut the hours back but do more weekends ?
That way you could probably work less but earn more / the same?

eggncress · 20/08/2018 05:04

If you are ICU trained you could join a specialist agency and earn even more by doing day shifts ?

AdventuresRUs · 20/08/2018 05:16

I dont think there should be any expectation on a partner to be doing regular "overtime" shifts, especially in nursing and ICU! Gosh that is intense. 2 good salaries as they will still have will be enough for saving for a house.

eggncress · 20/08/2018 05:16

But yes I would definately cut back to three shifts. Life is too short and as a nurse there are so many ways to make up the slack. Everywhere seems to be short of nurses. You won’t have any problems making up the difference and in a way which doesn’t leave you feeling like a zombie.

penguingirl · 20/08/2018 05:19

If you can afford to cut down then you should do it, 100% Even if it means taking longer to save for a house. Owning stuff is nice, but not the be all and end all, your health is priceless. Both physical and mental. I am currently disabled, one of the reasons being that I have spent most of my adult life working all hours in healthcare. Be kind to yourself. Good luck.

PumpkinPie2016 · 20/08/2018 08:02

YANBU nights are bloody hard and the type of nursing you do is very intense so you will feel mentally and physically drained after your shifts. You also effectively lose a day off because you need to recover and adjust back to bring awake in the day.

You could always do just one week of 4 night's every month/6 weeks if desperately needed.

What does your husband do? How would be feel about increasing his ours to 46p/w for a while? You have done it for ages while he works the standard 37 so perhaps you could swap for a while?

Fireworks91 · 20/08/2018 08:08

You do more than full time currently, what hours does he work?

NadiaLeon · 20/08/2018 08:16

It's a lot of money to give up when saving for a house....however, if you're really unhappy there is no choice.

mumeeee · 20/08/2018 08:17

YANBU. 46 hours a week is more than full time hours and not good for your health.

earlybirdhasanap · 20/08/2018 08:28

Cut down. You're good to no one when you feel like that.
I'm an icu nurse and I've gone down to 23 hours. The bouncing between days and nights and the emotional side of things was killing me.
I wasn't doing as well at work as I knew I could which is an awful feeling and my family life was a mess. I pick up extra shifts via bank when I can. Can you cut back on other things to make up for some of money lost?

Labradoodliedoodoo · 20/08/2018 10:00

Van you apply for day work

StarfishSandwich · 20/08/2018 10:05

Before going on mat leave, I was one of only a handful of midwives on a 37.5 hour contract (and never did bank on this basis!). Pretty much everyone was on 34.5 or less. It’s knackering, let alone doing nights permanently. Your DH is being unreasonable by expecting you to work yourself into the ground on 46 hours. It’s a short term solution if you’re saving for a holiday or something but it’s not any way to live your life long-term.

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 20/08/2018 10:19

I totally see your point, but how would you feel if your dh decided to cut £500 pm from his wage?

Unless her DH is also working 46 hours a week on permanent nights in a high stress environment like Children's ICU, then it's not a fair comparison. Some jobs are inherently more stressful (physically and emotionally) than others and it is well documented that long term night shift workers have poorer health outcomes and die younger. I've been there and it was hell. I ended up burning out and leaving the profession altogether.

Ihink it's very difficult to understand the sheer relentlessness and exhaustion if you haven't done it yourself.

Storm4star · 20/08/2018 10:24

To me it doesn't matter what hours your DH does or what he earns. This is your health we're talking about. If your DH can't support you in that then I'd be questioning buying a house with him anyway! You're not talking about going part time. You're talking about doing regular hours like a normal person! He is being very unreasonable!

megletthesecond · 20/08/2018 10:25

Yanbu. You'll end up ill at that rate.

Holidayshopping · 20/08/2018 10:30

I don’t blame you for wanting to reduce hours.

That is a lot of money to lose though-I don’t think we could take that hit and we aren’t saving for a house.

Can’t you do some of your hours in a more sociable shift pattern-why are you doing all nights and no days? Who decides that?

Allthewaves · 20/08/2018 10:33

How much longer do you need to save?

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