To vent about the fucking suitcase

[Marlboroandmalbec34]

Left abusive h 2 months ago following domestic violence. I had to go to family in a different city with my baby and toddler as he won’t leave family home.

Since then I have had nothing but abuse from him and his awful family, messages social media etc

He is a big drinker, he tried to pick up dc drunk a few weeks back so I am only allowing supervised contact at the mo on solicitors advice. H is enraged about this as it’s not in his control sohas started court proceedings as I expected

So far he hasn’t paid any maintenance and me and the dc have no clothes with us. I have messaged him (nicely) a few times asking if he could pack up some of mine and kids clothes and bring to contact. Answer always no and just had abuse back.

Today after contact he asked me to walk him to his car and get a suitcase of my clothes so I did. On the walk he started a sob story about how he didn’t want things to be nasty and could we try and arrange contact without courts as he just loves his kids yadda yadda...tears and everything..actually felt sorry for him.

Got back to where I am staying after contact and in the suitcase is....shit loads of v old cocktail dresses meant for charity, a few bikinis, an old baby naming book, an old pregnancy book, a tub of sudocrem and a pack of sanitary towels.

Not one item of mine or the kids actual wearable clothes!

I am fucking fuming

What a wanker. I'm sorry.

Thank you for replying Joan..hope you meant him and not me

Cannot bloody sleep so angry

Phone the local police station and ask the community officer to meet you and arrange collection of your things

I will Greentulip thanks but apparently he has changed the locks so will need to be when he is home

Sounds awful, OP, you have all my sympathy.

Do what GreenTulips said to get your and your DCs' stuff back.

Oh lass.

Definitely get support and go amd get yours and your children's things.

The angers burning out now I have vented, now just feeling sad...12 bloody years!!!

Could you arrange the next supervised visit at your old place and pick up the clothes then (taking a friend or family member with you)? That way you know he will be there and you can pick the stuff you actually need. Make the getting of stuff the first thing you do, before he gets supervised access to the DC.

YANBU to vent about the suitcase or any of the other abusive things he does.

YANBU.

When I left DS dad years ago now, to move back home to a different town where my family were, he arranged a van to bring all of our stuff down (bear in mind I furnished the house, so the bed was mine, the fridge freezer was mine, the washing machine was mine...)

I got an ironing board, a couple of god awful rugs that he chose and a wicker wash basket!

It is SO petty and I hope that one day you can laugh about it like I can now. Such dickish behaviour.

Maybe boombooms I just don’t want to confuse dc by taking them back would love to see my dog though

Thanks cheesemongery I hope so too

Not to minimise the annoyance and anger you're feeling - but just be so so so grateful you're not with him anymore! Well done for getting away from this idiot.

You will, I forgot ( as I like to wipe it from my mind) that I also signed the house over to him to just get him off my back. It was 20 years ago, I thought in my naive stupidity that I'd soon get back on the property ladder

My son near pissed himself as now a grown man that CSA got in touch with me and I owe ex £142 apparently after he managed £10.96 a week for 18 years, he said I'll go up Mum, give it to him out of my wages and I know he'll take it too!

You'll be fine, I know it is so stressful. Just sending hugs. He's being an absolute dickhead and showing his true colours that he's rather see his own children go without than behave like an adult. It's all part of his 'control' mentality.

Ignore him. Move on and cope - that'll be the biggest kick in the bollocks to him.

Sending strength.

If you are married the house is yours too. You would not be committing a crime if you broke in when he was not there and took stuff away. Any stuff. Including "his" stuff.

Might break in and take my dog. My toddler missed the dog like crazy

How can he do this to me? I am furious and devastated. Feel like I am never going to know a minutes peace

People often say on here that you're not allowed to change the locks on someone who's been living with you for years. Can you ask local police for help? (Maybe that's a stupid question, sorry--idk if that's the sort of thing they can help with, but maybe better than breaking in.)

Really sad about toddler and dog. I would want to get the dog too if it was me.

God of course you're not Unreasonable what an absolute nob. The one thing he is doing is leaving you absolutely no room for doubt that you've done the right thing by getting away from him and insisting on supervised only contact. That's not easy - some people stay with abusers for years but you've protected your kids from that toxic environment.

Obviously you shouldn't take advice from anyone who isn't legally trained so I'm just going to wish you the best and hope that your ex gets shat on multiple times by a pigeon.

As above. Get police to attend with you to get your stuff. Don't expect it to be easy. Did this with my ex and he hid everything so it made me look a twat like 'of course there's nothing here'. Just wanting you to be prepared after the stunt he's just pulled.

What county are you in? Maybe We can help with clothes?

Thank you all so much, feel better for having a place to rant

Are you on the deeds? As a pp said, you can break in therefore, or get a locksmith round to break in and refit a lock. Take dog and clothes. Boom.

If your name is on the house he can't legally change the locks and you're within rights to break in.

Withholding possession in DV cases after you leave is a common tactic to get you to meet alone & ambush you. Go with community officer as pp said. Or is there male family member or friend who'd pick them up for you? .

Forgot: Take a list. And get the dog!