Hi there,
This is really a problem that I don't think has any right answer but would appreciate some thoughts on.
Two years ago due to work/finance related issues my wife and children moved back home to our native country; after spending four years in London (lots of arguments prior to moving of money/housing/living arrangements after move and so forth). We have a big family (ages 2-17) so it was very difficult for all but especially my wife as she had to take on the parenting role much more and working part-time while I commuted by plane (spent around 40% of time at home and the rest away). There was a job close to where we lived that I could have returned to but my DW did not want me to take it under any circumstances and we both could see it was a bad option in the long term. The difference in our disposable incomes between countries is amazingly large, in London (rent) it was zero (actually negative as we spent all our savings) and back home it is quite large.
We are now in a position, due to some fortunate events, to be able to move back to London and buy a house and thereby make it viable to live there long term on my London salary. However, after alternating between yes/no about 20 times over the past year we have come to the conclusion that it is best to stay in our native country and put a deposit on a house. For a very long time I have been working very long hours/two jobs so that my family could move back over with me. Now that it is possible, I feel it is selfish of me to bring them over knowing they would have a much lower quality of life here, even though we would be living together as a family again.
The main reason are
- last time we were there for four years and had 2 different schools/3 at one point and this was terrible difficult as they all opened and closed at the same time.
- We are financially soooo much better off in our home country.
- If I ever wish to help my kids financial I need to keep this job as it is almost impossible to get a similar job at home.
- If we stay in London then how can our children ever afford to buy a house close to us.
- Brexit – who knows what will happen the UK housing market/EU immigrants.
My wife and I agree on these points, and that we should continue what we are currently doing, however she does change her mind (a lot) and gets angry with me over it so a lot of my time is spent worrying about her. So I put it to my wife that I believe the best to do for our family long term is not to go to London, and I will continue to commute, so we can maintain a good standard of living - however if she feels that she cannot manage the kids alone (and is willing to accept the London standard of living that we can afford) while I am away then there is no question we should all move to London. DW has said this position is unreasonable and this is an attempt to put the decision to move back on her – and hence if it all goes horrible wrong again as it did last time then she will feel like it was her fault. I think this is unfair, as I have made the decision (we will not go back) and am just allowing flexibility should she feel she is unable to continue to cope alone. Am I being unreasonable?
As I said, my family returning to London would make my life soooo much easier and better (I would not miss the commute and get to be with family every evening), but having grown up rather financially poor I know what it is like and would not like my own family to have to endure that. For other reasons the obvious answer that I should just move home is currently not a viable one - that is one thing we all know and agree on.
This decision is financial only, DW and I love each other dearly, and are both trying to do what is best for the family as a whole in the long term.
Appreciate thoughts