Help me keep my patience

[MenaMecca]

My friend just got divorced. It was a long, messy one.

I’ve been trying to entertain him, so that he won’t be so depressed.

We’re both educated people - MD and PhD. But we have the kind of friendship that can talk nonsense the whole day.

This friend just now told me that I just spew nonsense all the time. I said life is too short to be serious all the time.

He said it’s good to have self-realization.

I stopped myself from saying I have intellectual discussions all the time, just not with him.

We met when we were young.

AIBU to be pissed?

I know he just got divorced and I should lengthen my patience but I’m really pissed off.

I'm thinking bite my tongue for a few days since he just got divorced finalised.

But should I mention that I got pissed after a few days, or just let it go?

Are you his therapist?

He needs to find his own peace. Not be entertained by you.

Interesting that the long and messy divorce was finalised and he starts being a dick to you. In need of a new emotional punchbag is he?

So basically he said that you're daft.

I say tell him to go fuck himself.

Find a new friend.

So basically he said that you're daft.

Yes. Exactly. That's why I am so pissed off.

i completely understand, are you female by any chance? i often hear it from males, never females. i save my intellect for when i need it. i like to joke and not be too serious. i watch reality tv. i wear make up and like to look nice. i have BSc/MSc in medical science subjects.

i’ve had comments (all from men):

“i never realised you were that smart, i thought you were really stupid!” (when he saw my chemistry work from uni)

“how did YOU get those marks?!” (i got 91% and 98% in two hard exams)

i get mansplained to all the time in the gym (i do powerlifting) even though they done a 6 week PT course and i have studied anatomy at uni. i just smile and nod.

it drives me insane sometimes to think that i’m being judged because part of me chooses not to “flaunt” or prove my intellect in every day life. i am REALLY good when it comes to biology, but if i watch love island and wear make up i’m a brain dead idiot

just be proud that you are not so judgey.
often those who need to talk up how smart they are, are the most insecure and relient on others opinions. i’m learning to realise that as long as i know and my family know, then who cares what others think.

Wow, he sounds like a delight, regardless of his divorce it doesn't give him the right to talk to you like that and no matter how educated he may think himself he clearly didn't think to school himself in manners.

Ignore this time but if it happens again, call him out immediately and cut friendship ties if he doesn't realise how hurtful his comments are, no one needs a "friend" who drags you down regardless of how long you've known them/ what they've been through.

Sounds like his partners had a lucky escape..

Yes, I'm female.

It's not even that I talk about nonsense all the time. It's that I like to joke around. And that has always been my personality. I'm cheerful, I like to joke, and he had no problem with that for 10 years!

""I stopped myself from saying I have intellectual discussions all the time, just not with him.""

Why don't you?

You may not be comparable as friends anymore.

Or he may not want his mood lifting because what he's going through is life changing and he doesn't want flippant conversations.

Or he's going through a tough time, emotionally and didn't quite mean what he said.

Distance yourself and time will tell.

Why don't you?

Because I thought he just got divorced. So I'll let it pass.

X post.

""Or he may not want his mood lifting because what he's going through is life changing and he doesn't want flippant conversations.""

I think it may be that.

There's nothing wrong in dropping down to acquaintances, rather than Friends.

"Or he may not want his mood lifting because what he's going through is life changing and he doesn't want flippant conversations."

Probably, but what should I tell him? I was trying to cheer him up. Telling him he will be fine, etc.

Just to add/ reiterate, I've been through a divorce and doesn't give him or anyone a reason to be rude to a friend who is only trying to help.

To be fair, a person who is always a joker can become quite tiresome, especially if going through a hard time. I’m not overly serious but if I was going through such a big, negative life event I’d get fed up after some time.

He has been rude in his wording, but I would think in such a lengthy friendship it’s ok to bring up something that’s bothering you.

I wasn't even joking during the conversation. I was saying things like he will be fine, "years from now, it won't be as painful", "you have a fresh start", etc.

I’ll distance myself. I know he’s going through a tough time in his life, but I don’t have to suffer with him. He’s displayed some signs of being verbally abusive in the past. I was young, naive, eager to please a friend, but I guess no more now.

Just venting. This is how I feel but I won't send it to him so just
putting it here.

---

That's my personality it's something I can't change.

If you don't like it and you think it's stupid/daft, then why are you talking to me?

I know you're going through a lot but I didn't do anything wrong.

And I know you said that because you deliberately wanted me to feel bad about myself, and this is not the first time you did this.

This is you being you. You've done it before.

But now, I refuse to join you in your misery.

I'm fun and I'm playful. Many people like me for it. I won't apologise for it and I won't feel bad about myself for it because there's nothing wrong with it.

And I did nothing wrong.

You're just an asshole.