AIBU to tell DD to get bus home from work?

[rysandshyn]

DD had a phone consultation with occupational health on Friday and they basically just said they will write to her manager to say until surgery she may be off a lot.

No one knows when she is going to have the surgery yet which is frustrating. It's surgery on her bowel btw.

She usually comes home if she has an upset stomach at work and I think that's a bit unnecessary but then I say that as someone who has IBS.

AIBU to say she needs to get the bus home if she is coming home from work, up until now I've been collecting her, but it's becoming such a frequent thing (her attendance is very very low - around 60%).

She's 17. Thanks.

You know your daughter, we don't.

If you truly think she's treating you like a free taxi on flimsy pretext then go ahead and tell her that sometimes she will have to get the bus or wait at work until later because you can't come to collect her immediately all the time.

If you decide now or later that she really really is sticking work as long as possible and really really can't take the bus or stay at work and really really appreciates the inconvenience she is imposing on you then go ahead and continue / restart collecting her whenever she wishes.

Where do you think she is on that spectrum?

I would pick her up. I would also be very proud that she has made the very mature decision to try and keep her Jon under these difficult circumstances. I imagine a lot of 17 year olds would quit while they waited for surgery in the circumstances you describe.

Are you at work when she needs picking up?

*job

I'd pick her up if I could. She's young, she has what I imagine is a difficult and embarrassing condition. She's trying to work. She's already had a difficult time with her A levels.

It depends how easy it is for you to collect her, but I wouldn't expect her to take the bus if I was free.

YABU and a bit bloody insensitive considering you're her mother. She's 17 and facing bowel surgery for some chronic condition she's had at least since she was at school? Bowel conditions are not only painful but humiliating at any age and for a teen you can double, no, quadruple the humiliation quotient. The fear of losing control on even a short bus journey must be horrible for her. If you can yes, you absolutely should pick her up.

As a person who has similar problems I can understand how your DD feels. Even the fact that the nearest and dearest in this case DM is not helpful, understanding or supportive. I did not get any support from my nearest blood relative in fact it was worse they were nasty. Do all you can to help your DD. If you are worried about her messing your car put a plastic sheet or something on the car seat and carry a bucket for sick. Your daughter did not chose her condition and I am sure she would be very glad if it never happened but it has and support is needed.
Messing herself on a bus or any other public place would be a disaster for her and anyone else with a similar condition. She is doing her best even going in to work for any time at all.

If you can help her, I don't know why you wouldn't. You know she's not putting it on, she's waiting for surgery! I think you should support her as much as you can.