My DS2 will be turning one in just under a month's time. The time following his birth was extremely traumatic - he was born with an unexpected congenital abnormality and was blue lighted 100 miles away for surgery. I couldn't follow for 24 hours and couldn't hold him for a week. He had seven hour open chest surgery and then contracted sepsis. We spent a month in a NICU away from our support networks and oldest son and there were times when we didn't know if we would bring him home.
It's been a tough year as well. DS has needed a subsequent surgery and there's been multiple hospital admissions and appointments. We are over the worst now but there are lifelong consequences. Both DH and I have found that our friends have drifted away as we've been all consumed with DS's care. Family have tried to be supportive but it's hard to understand unless you have been there.
So that's the back story. As his birthday approaches, both DH and I are thinking more about his birth and feeling emotionally wrung out. The last thing I want to do is have a party and pretend as if everything is normal and bake a cake that he will be unable to eat. We both feel that although family are welcome to visit over the weekend before or after and give gifts etc, we aren't up to a party and a performance.
However everyone I have spoken to about this has reacted as though we are being cruel. They will say that DS1 will notice and that DS2 will be hurt when he is older and realises that he hasn't had a party. That he has been through a lot and deserves a party.
So now I'm beginning to feel that maybe we are being selfish. AIBU to not have a party?