To be angry at DH for thinking I am always ignoring him

[Sunrise888]

DH and I have had the worst argument I can remember. He came home from a renovating job very tired, hungry, and I had dinner (big Sunday roast) in the oven so we were chatting about our day from opposite sides of a large room as we waited, with the TV on, on my right.

We stopped for a minute to watch DS tottering about and laughed at him. My attention was caught by the TV, so I watched the conversation intently for a couple minutes.

I turned back to see DH was furious. Apparently he had been calling out to me 3-4 times, and even waved his arms. He said I never seemed to listen to him. He said I lacked respect because we were in the middle of a conversation. I honestly didn't even hear him - he talks really low anyway (this is not just a problem for me, it's a problem at work too), and when I am focused on something else, especially my phone or the TV, I tune almost everything out (with the exception of DS for some reason, but he's pretty high pitched and loud).

It's happened quite a bit in the last year, me "ignoring him" and I don't know if it's related to lack of sleep since we had DS. Anyway, I don't know what to do about it. If I know he wants my attention of course I'll give it to him, but what am I supposed to do if I don't hear him? I've asked him to have some understanding and that I don't ignore him on purpose, and to please keep trying to get my attention, and he's said ok, and he'll try to speak louder.

Anyway, I needed to vent on MN and now I'm stewing in the bedroom. I know he's partly annoyed because he's tired, stressed and hungry, but I feel very aggrieved, I thought I'd fine good with a lovely meal and ended up getting shouted at. AIBU? Is it normal to tune someone out? How do I sort this?

My DH is a mumbler. Drives me potty.

That's all I have to say.

Mine was diagnosed via NHS hearing test

Yeah, shouting is horrible. And while feeling disrespected is horrible too, he didn't handle it at all well. So yanbu to be pissed off. 'owed' him sympathy for fuck' sake - over what?

Something about how men complain about being 'disrespected' makes me want to giggle... Like they're in the Mafia or something. Do imitations of him in a mumbly, fake-Mafia voice op (maybe just in your room, rather than to his face). It might make you feel better.

You can do either but, if you are young (e.g. under 55), it's probably best to check there's no underlying issue.

I have gone to both Boots and ENT. There were slight anomalies in this test and different advise re 2 hearing aids vs 1 but the consensus was the same - That I have hearing loss

Sometimes when both me and DH are tired we zone out, especially if the TV or music is on.

Don't beat yourself up, I think he overreacted a little bit. Maybe in future when you're talking sit nearby him and turn the tv off.

My DH does this to me and it does get to me. It's interesting the people talking about processing issues because we will have a full, two way conversation, and then later he can't remember a thing about it. Interestingly he does know everything that colleagues have said to him. He'll later say that it's because I mumble (which admittedly I do) but it's often been an actual conversation. I've digressed a bit, sorry, but agree with previous posters who gave said to turn off the telly. It's so disheartening to effectively be shown that you/what you're saying us worthless. I see him doing it to the kids too, literally having no clue that they're speaking to him and it's heartbreaking.

DH often has no recollection of complete conversations between us - I will admit I use this to my advantage very occasionally all the time

"Owes him sympathy?"

Is he sympathetic that you're exhausted? Sure, he's gone to work. But so has every other bugger on the planet. That's what we all do to pay for food. He doesn't get a medal for it.

While you're running around booking hearing tests to avoid hurting his feelings, get one for him too. Then tell him to bloody speak up.

Sunrise, I could have written this same post except I'm sometimes listening to another conversation with another family member and dh gets annoyed that I've not heard him. I've tried telling him to say my name before taking to me if I'm distracted but he doesn't.