Posting for traffic as Mental Health board looks very quiet.
My DF is in his 70s and as a family we have long suspected he has Aspergers.due to his age, this was not recognised in his youth. I lived with him until my early teens when DM and I left. He has always had rigid routines and rituals and becomes angry (shouting, swearing) if these are disrupted in anyway. Routines in my childhood included using a ruler to measure curtains and ensure they were pulled shut properly. He can be very good company but talks over everyone and cannot often engage in a conversation as he has his own 'script' he wants to deliver, IYSWIM. He needs to be in control of situations, any unplanned changes dustress and make him angry. He does not talk about feelings or really comprehend others.
The issue which is causing problems is his obsession with mine and DH's pets. Last year we went on holiday and DF looked after our pets. They live in our garden. On our return, DF had written a 10 page instruction leaflet about how to look after them in their new "routine". We dismissed this as DF's eccentricity at the time. Looking back we can now see it was the start of his obsession. We have since had a baby and me and baby have been in hospital lots this year due to some serioys health problems (mainly me, fortunately). DF does not contact me (nothing new there) so I would normally contact him, however I am reaching the end of my tether as he only seems to contact me or reply to ask after my pets. If I dont contact DF, when we do meet up he says I dont bother with him.
When he comes to my home, he is desperate to go straight to the garden to see the pets, rather than talk to me, DH and DC. He feeds them and straightens/cleans their home, whether they have just been fed or not. If I cook for him, rather than sit to eat with us, he prefers to sit alone outside with the pets than with us. I habe taken to meeting him outside of the house but it's harder to do this with a baby and he questions me everytime I suggest meeting at a cafe or for a walk.
DF and I supposed to meet for a walk tomorrow (my suggestion) but he has said he wants to come to my home instead as my pets "won't know" who he is otherwise.
I have suggested he gets some of these pets himself but he thinks his neighbour's cats would be a threat to them at his home.
DF lives alone and has no friends. I used to spend more time with him and knew he would never ask how me or DH is. However I am finding the pet obsession unhealthy and hard to take. For example, my baby was recently very sick and so were me and DH, to the extent that we had to take our baby to hospital twice. I told DF but DF's texts are still 80% focussed on my pets, not baby and our family.
Any advice please? I have tried to explain my DF in brief but he is a very complex person. I know he loves us but I'm struggling to manage the relationship at the moment as already got a lot on my plate this year.