To ask how much you've worried about your first pregnancy?

[anonfirsttimemummy]

First time mum to be and I'm petrified something will happen to my pregnancy/baby. Had a miscarriage last year but this bean seems to be going well. But as we get closer to due date, I'm so worried something will happen to her. Quite frightened of a stillbirth or something wrong with her developmentally. I'll even admit that if I see a child with a birth defect, wheelchair, or obvious delay, I look away and get so scared for my own baby. I'm quite embarassed to admit this. I feel guilty for the stress that my baby must feel from this worry, too.

But even shopping and looking at toys and other bits (for example, play gym that stimulates hand eye coordination) makes me worry that my baby won't meet milestones. Does this seem too much worry? Will it stop? Or does it seem alright for FTM?

No not at all, I barely slept at night throughout my entire first pregnancy because I worried so much. Every twitch, ache or pain I instantly panicked about. I was worried about labour and what to do when baby is actually here too. I wish I didn't, it ruined my pregnancy and stopped me from enjoying it.

There are podcasts, books etc that can listen to you. Even just talking to your midwife can be a huge relief, talking to other mums too about their pregnancy. There are people who's job it is to help you, use them.

MN has a lot of health anxiety. You'll probably fit right in.

I don't think I worried much... that said it was all new, so much to learn. I asked the midwife about molar pregnancy & she said she'd never seen one (20 yrs experience) which reminded me how ordinary most things are. Why would I or my pregnancy be special?

20 week scan they found my fetus had odd kidneys. That was upsetting shock (very worrying). It could have meant bad things. After many extra scans, son turned out to be absolutely fine, in spite of odd kidneys. Since then I always view any health care monitoring (including in pregnancy) as experiences to try hard to avoid because "they" will only end up identifying very non-existent problems (after causing much worry and waste of time investigation).

Other people say they are comforted by medical attention and investigations and false alarms. YMMV.

Pregnancy is an anxious time but it sounds like you should talk to your midwife about your worries.
Children meet milestones at different times so you could be setting yourself up for a lifetime of worry. Which in a way is what parenting is but there's a normal level of worry.

Also, and I don't want to sound horrible. Parenting isn't about having the 'perfect' child. You might not. A lot of children have special needs or disability and if you are becoming a parent you need to be prepared to parent the child you have. DS has developmental delay and special needs and I won't deny it's hard sometimes but it's also great most of the time. Please don't be rude to parents and children you see though - I get judgey looks and looking away fairly often. It won't be long until DS notices this. My friends kid who uses a wheelchair is a lot older and is often upset when people do this so please be nice

I worried A LOT during my first pregnancy; what you've described sounds a lot like my thought processes at the time. Once DC was born I felt a lot calmer and, aside from the occasional blind panic (about absolutely nothing as it turned out each and every time), it's not been a problem.

Worrying doesn't prevent bad things from happening but it can stop you enjoying and appreciating what you do have.

I worried every step of the way. It’s always there.
What you will find is that there is always something to worry about even more so when they are born.
Each stage has its own worries even as young adults on a night out. What if? What if?

You have to see it for the anxiety it is. It is only natural though.

I had a mc last year and currently 21 weeks with our first. I worry too, but a friend on an ante-natal thread has a mantra I find soothing - "Today, I am pregnant". I say it to myself every day and just try to enjoy being pregnant and amazed at the changes that are happening to my body. I do have my worrying moments, especially as another scan approaches (I'm having extra due to pre-eclampsia risk), but just try to stay calm.

If you can, talk to someone about it. How is your midwife? Mine is very understanding. Sometimes just verbalising your fears can help greatly.