Worries about a friend / pagan wedding

[RockNRollerskates]

An old friend of ours has announced he is having a private pagan handfasting wedding in the woods next week with his new girlfriend he met very recently. All very sudden and he was due to marry (in a church and then hotel after) another old friend of ours whom he had been with for 10+ years in about 9 weeks ago but they called it off very last minute after being engaged for 2 years.

I'm worried about him. He's never mentioned anything Pagan before and if I'm honest I know very little about it. No one has met his new partner before and we were only told he was seeing someone last week.

Aibu to feel concerned about him?

Please, if you have any experience with the pagan hand fasting wedding situation or know if it is a legally binding wedding ceremony I'd be really grateful!

I have name changed..

it doesn't matter anyway.

if people want to call themselves druids, and express themselves like this, its harmless, and its meaningful to the people involved.

I have a lot of modern day druids in my family

Not legal in the uk as you can't have a legally binding marriage outside.

You can get married outside in Scotland and, I think, N. Ireland.
I've been to a wedding on the top of a mountain in Scotland. Perfectly legal.

(Just to clarify, I got mixed up between Aleister Crowley and Gerald Gardner - apologies. An edit button, an edit button, my kingdom for an edit button!)

The druids in my family mostly describe themselves as in awe of science,

not the knowledge and application of science, but just the wonder of the world around us.

They call themselves druids and take part in victorian type pagan rituals as a way of expressing awe at such things as particle physics, electrons, quantum mechanics, relativity, etc

and also they get married with handfast ceremonies, and registry office ceremonies as well

Pagan weddings are legal in Scotland for a good number of years, and the legal part is sorted out by the registered celebrants, the paperwork gets signed in front of witnesses and marriage certificates are issued later on just like after any wedding that has taken place in a registry office or church. I know four celebrants (two wiccans and two druids) and so far I have attended several pagan weddings, all of them very beautiful ceremonies.

However, people can chose to do a symbolic hand fasting, that has only a spiritual significance, not a legal one.

It is legal in Scotland because of the celtic tradition of uniteing clans I have seen handfasting at a wedding it was lovely

In Scotland it is the person who is registered to perform a marriage and not the place. So any ceremony may or may not be a legal wedding depending on who performs it.

I’ve just been to a Christian wedding held outside where the couple were married by a minister. Many humanist celebrants will do weddings outside too, it doesn’t need to be pagan.

Yanbu to be very concerned. Do you know why they split?

You wouldn't call it a handfasting wedding if it wasn't a wedding, sounds like they are getting married

ExH had a handfasting with his current girlfriend, and he has told me he has done this to avoid marriage. He has assets, and he worries about his new partner having a claim. Nothing beautiful about their handfasting, she has been scammed out of a real marriage.

Ribbons? Poems? Jumping over broomsticks?

What a swizz. If I were invited to a pagan ceremony (unlikely) I’d want the full pagan experience. Goat sacrifices and dancing widdershins around a Druid sticking a dagger into a goblet whilst ‘skyclad’ (I think that is pagan for no clothes).

Tell your friend that he simply isn’t trying hard enough.

BTW, if they do have poems at their ‘handfasting’, wouldn’t it be too funny if they had people reading out those ‘begging for cash in a twee way’ poems?

Op, what are you actually worried about? Its a 'religious' wedding' so it has nothing to do with civil law. Even if it was a concern, English courts have recently validated a sharia marriage, so no reason why a pagan marriage wouldn't get the same protections.

It sounds like you are against the wedding because you are scared of paganism. Whats it got to do with you? Just go to the wedding and celebrate your friends love and their choice of life long partner.

Wind my neck in? I'm actually really worried about him and his mental health after the split, he's had an unstable past and this is all very sudden. I had no idea about paganism and was trying to find out more - the religion / ceremony aspect wasn't my big concern here it's the getting 'married' (whether legal or not which is what I wanted to ascertain here) to someone he has known a couple of weeks when he was supposed to marry one of our best friends a only 9 weeks ago.

@Walkingdeadfangirl no one is invited to the wedding, it's private in the woods just them and one mutual friend. We haven't even been told her name.
My worry isn't the ceremony, paganism or anyone choice in partner - it's how sudden and out of the blue it is when he was due to be married to his partner of 10+ years just a few weeks back.

And what have I possibly said to suggest I am scared of paganism

So he is having a rebound relationship. Its pretty common.

I actually don't think it's that unusual for a longstanding relationship that doesn't quite go the whole way to be followed in short order by a sudden and intense relationship that seems to tick all the boxes. I don't think it's necessarily unhealthy - maybe he recognises exactly what makes him happy because he's been looking for it or missing it for a long time.

A handfasting, as others have said, isn't legally binding in England, but in pagan terms is much, much more significant than marriage. If he believes in the sacred meaning that underpins it then it will mean a great, great deal to him and I think you should support him. If not, and he's going along with something that's important to his girlfriend but not really to him, then what does it matter? Imo and ime, handfasting is different in character to marriage. Personally, I would enter into a handfasting with my DP but not into a marriage. I have my own reasons for that, and he may do too. If you don't understand it, perhaps you should reserve judgement until you've found out more. He would probably be happy to talk about it. I think your worry is unjustified though.

It's not legally binding. It's a nice ceremony your arms are bound with your spouse together with pretty ribbon and words such as we will grow together on our journey are said. It's lovely.

Not legal in the uk as you can't have a legally binding marriage outside.

This is untrue as you can get married outside in Scotland. I was married on a beach by a registrar and as far as I know Scotland is still in the UK. You can get married anywhere in Scotland which is amazing.

I would be worried as well. Not about the ceremony itself, as it sounds lovely. However the fact that he's made this decision very quickly and is suddenly getting married is worrying. I don't know how close you are or how open your discussions are, but I would talk to him alone (or with your DP) and try to get as much information as possible. Obviously try to make it come off as just a "getting to know the situation" thing and not a 3rd degree type thing.