Am I in the wrong here?

[BoppityBoosh]

Hi everyone.

I’m after some advice about whether I’m he baddie here...

I recently moved into a new house with my husband and two children under 5. One of our neighbours has three children, the youngest of which is the same age as my oldest.

We only know each other in passing - we are a few houses apart and have never spent any actual time together.

A few weeks ago I was getting the kids into the car and the Mum of the other family wandered over and said it was her daughter’s birthday “in a week or so” and they were having a BBQ to celebrate and we were more than welcome to come along.

When I got home from Tesco today, I was unloading the car and the Mum cake over to me and asked why we didn’t come along to the BBQ (which was apparently today). I apologised several times and said I had completely forgotten about it and hoped they all had a good time. The Mum rolled her eyes and said “it would have been nice if you’d told us you couldn’t make it.” Again, I said I honestly forgot and that I was sorry. She waved her hand and said “fine” before saying she “hoped I had fun at the shops.”

Am I being totally unreasonable to think she’s over reacting to this?! I don’t even know their names! I wasn’t avoiding the party - I just forgot about it. It’s pretty busy being a Mum, working part time and having just moved into a new house!

Am I in the wrong? I feel a bit ambushed and it’s now going to be super awkward if we see each other in passing! Do I need to buy the kid a present? I don’t know her name so it’s going to be even weirder when I ask her Mum for it!

It would have been polite to say you couldn't make it

Even though she never actually gave me the proper date?

In a week or so?
So did you forget or did you not know the date? Hard to show up to something if you don’t know when it is.
Either way I’d get a small present and card and take it round. Just to make life a bit easier in the future.

Then I'd have said

'Was it today? You didn't actually say when. That's a shame the dc would have enjoyed it"

From the wording you gave, I would have taken that as a wishy-washy invitation, not a specific one - as in actually introducing themselves, giving specific time etc .

Do I need to buy the kid a present? - No

but she couldn't... because she forgot.

she's being over the top and sounds hard work.

I would give her a wide berth. I wouldn't want to get involved with her. She sounds like v hard work.

Why didn't you say "I'm sorry but you never have me a date, u didn't realise it was today'

She never told me the proper date. I said I had forgotten because I felt on the spot. My husband was with me when she originally asked and agrees she never said the date. I might just drop a book or something round - I don’t know their names though!

If she didn’t give you a date and it was vague, YANBU.
Did you say ‘I’ll let you know’ or something similar?
If she told you it was next Saturday, or sat the 11th etc it probably would’ve been nice to let her know if you were/weren’t coming,

No she's being ridiculous. The onus was on her to tell you when the party actually was and introduce herself and her family.

I think I said “Oh that sounds nice,” or something. But to be honest, if the roles were reversed, I would have dropped an invite round the next day or whatever so I would a) know the date and time and b) know the child’s name!

We’ve literally been in the house for a month and so our children don’t know each other AT ALL. If they were good friends or we met up regularly then I would expect her to be a bit offended but we don’t. And I would NEVER go over and ambush the Mum because she didn’t turn up. It’s weird.

If she didn't give you the date then I'm pretty sure you know you are not in the wrong. I mean, come on.

I think I know deep down but I needed some confirmation!

Thanks everyone! I feel better now!

She sounds awful and I really would just leave it at that and hope that you don't have to be involved with her again. I think she was being very rude. As you said, she didn't give you a date, you don't know their names and you barely know the woman. Plus it's not as though there was a table booked and seats and you not being there messed something up. It was a damn BBQ, for goodness sake. No, just avoid, avoid, avoid.