Disappointing 20th wedding anniversary!

[user1483390742]

We had our 20th anniversary on Wed. DH said 'Happy Anniversary' as he left for work and that was it! No card, no flowers, nothing!
I bought him a card and token pressie but didn't give it to him as i was so upset that he had not bothered. I didn't feel in the least bit loved and have felt ashamed by friends' reactions- no one can believe that he did nothing! I cooked a steak dinner for us and bought Champagne.
I always thought we had a great relationship, but now i can't help but wonder if it has run its course and we are just plodding along.
Am i being ridiculous?

YANBU Have you spoken to him about it??
I’d of been very hurt tbh is he usually crap or is this a one off?

You’re not being ridiculous to be disappointed.

Had you discussed what you’d like to do to celebrate beforehand? Did he know you were planning a nice meal?

And what have you done in previous years? I love anniversaries, they were a pile of crap in my previous marriage and we make a big deal out of them which we both like and we make plans in advance. I wouldn’t be comfortable making plans or choosing gifts without discussing expectations in advance.

Sorry it wasn’t what you were hoping for. Did you say anything?

Do you usually make an event of your anniversary as a couple? Had there been any "oooh it's a big one coming up" kind of talk in the run up, or any discussion together of doing something to celebrate? I think I would be upset as well, but I do usually drop (pretty heavy) hints to DH to let him know what I would like a big deal made over and what I'm not bothered by.

If you otherwise have a great relationship (after 20 years!) I would say you are being a tad ridiculous to think that it may have run its course because he didn't make a big deal of an anniversary. Why not have a chat and let him know how you feel?

You went from thinking you had a great relationship to it’s run it’s course, in one fell swoop. That’s extremely odd.

What have you done previous years for anniversaries?

I'd bring it up to him, some people may think you're being ridiculous, others won't, but the important thing is that it's upset you and your DH should know. Don't be angry because this will backfire and you will get accused of over reacting, but just ask why he's done this especially on a more important anniversary. When you have had the conversation why don't you arrange a night away somewhere? It might help with how you are feeling

For what its worth, I don't think your over-reacting, but there is an agreement between myself and DH that we get each other a card, no presents, but go out for the day or evening and do an activity instead. So if my DH did this I'd be upset too

You told friends about your anniversary?

He knew i was cooking dinner.
Previous ones have been fairly low key by choice but still marked and made special in some way- meal out, theatre trip, him cooking for me (he never does any other time).
I suppose i thought with it being such a significant one, he might have done something a bit more. Even our teens were asking him what he had planned!
I'm not one for huge presents, but can't help feeling sad that maybe we are just drifting along.

Did you actually serve and eat dinner without you telling him how you felt?

Sooty-
My friends already knew it was my anniversary- one of them was my bridesmaid!

I can understand being disappointed. Is there any chance he got you a card etc and then didn't give it to you as you didn't give him one ( even though you had it)?

Honestly, the only thing that would make me worry about this is that you haven't/ don't feel you can talk to him about it. Why haven't you asked him what was going on?