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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To even consider dc3?

27 replies

Topsyshair · 18/08/2018 18:55

Has anyone gone for against their sensible head? How was it?

Practically speaking everything screams no.

My age (mid 30s but feeling old and tired), dc getting older and easier now, bedrooms, car, babysitters, attention divided between dc, days out, I don't really like the baby stage, detest the sleepless nights. Everything is made for a family of 4.

My heart says would one more really be so bad, if I could have a ready made 3 year old I'd do it. Just the love you feel for them. I can't honestly think of too many good reasons to have a third other than it might be lovely.

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 18/08/2018 19:21

Lots of things might be lovely. If I were you, I would be eternally grateful for the perfect family I already have, appreciate that 2 children are more than enough, and embrace the next chapters of life.

Chattycat78 · 18/08/2018 19:25

I wouldn’t. But everyone is different. Financially/energy/splitting your time up/the awful sleepless nights bit. Plus my last pregnancy was terrible. I do get it though. I guess we’re programmed to keep wanting more or something!

TBH I think I once they outnumber you you’re in trouble. Ha!

Almostfifty · 18/08/2018 19:30

I had four. If I'd taken notice of my broodiness I'd have had more.

You have to decide whether you can cope with sleepless nights etc again. I never had a break with my four, so never knew any different.

I absolutely adore the four of them, and I'm so glad we have them all. They're all grown up now and just lovely, thoughtful adults.

bibizizi · 18/08/2018 19:32

I now have 3 DC due to the fact my 2nd pregnancy was twins.

Its hard work: the washing, the money, the homework, the spreading myself emotionally between 3 DC, catering to 3 different tastebuds, 3 different after school activities. If me and DH want to anything by ourselves we have to get all 3 babysat.

Having said that my SIL had 5 DC and is still sane (just about).

If you feel the pull then you can't deny it but just beware, it may be your turn to conceive twins......

AngkorWaat · 18/08/2018 19:35

I had a third, with a 7 year gap. I enjoyed every second of mat leave, and babyhood. It’s hard work making sure they all have enough attention and I’m skint all the time...school skiing trips and nursery fees aren’t a great combination. I feel like we are complete as a family now though and the older two love it. I couldn’t go through it all again and have a 4th though, everyone’s got a different limit I think.

lovelyjubilly · 18/08/2018 19:35

I had a big age gap before I had dc3 as dh wasn't convinced...lots of sensible reasons not to like the ones you describe. However I had the overwhelming sense that someone was missing and couldn't imagine our future without an extra person in it. DH never understood but eventually came round to the idea 😊

bridgetreilly · 18/08/2018 19:40

Three kids fit in two bedrooms and most cars. They aren't babies for too long and you've got older kids who can help with lots of things while the new one is tiny. If you want to try for one, why not?

Original poster

Topsyshair · 18/08/2018 19:46

Dh probably would go for it but equally I think he'd accept our lot.

That's sort of how I feel, as though there's someone missing.

However we've got it pretty good right now so I'm sure I'd be mad to rock the boat.

OP posts:

BackinTimeforTea · 18/08/2018 19:48

If you want a cold shower, do some long term financial planning: look at how much less financial help with university and the housing ladder for your current two, school trips, tutoring - and retirement ages for yourself and DH a third child would mean. Plus age at which you’d pay the mortgage off.

The cost of a third child on our retirement ages and the help for the other 2 is what puts me off, but I’m older than you and the rough bits- destroying second pg means I dread to think of the damage of the third.

That said, is the drive to have any child ever rational? I think it’s been pure emotion in my experience and everything else has to fall into place.

bibizizi · 18/08/2018 19:59

I don't know but sometimes you should trust you're instinct, again you could have twins and (as in my case) DC might be disabled, if you feel you're boat might get rocked then just put it on the back burner.

My mum always says the pull to have more children is just our hormones which I believe to be true.

Its so hard being a mum....

BackinTimeforTea · 18/08/2018 20:03

Yeah I totally think it’s a drive, an irrational urge in the teeth of all reason too. I’ve found it’s gotten more powerful after each child oddly.
Daresay it’s different for everyone

lovelyjubilly · 20/08/2018 22:54

For me though it wasn't just a feeling that someone was missing...I absolutely knew that someone was missing! It's hard to explain.

Helpmemyhairisterrible · 20/08/2018 22:59

If you'd asked me before I had the second, I would definitely have said three. Actually, we have filled all the bedrooms, can't afford a car we can fit three car seats in, can't see how we can pay for Uni, weddings and house deposit for the two we have. We adore them and we had a girl and a boy. As a PP said, maybe be grateful for what you have. I would love to go through labour again, but not the first few weeks/first year.

cadburyegg · 20/08/2018 23:02

I feel similar to you but my dc are only 3 and 5 months. I don't think I could look after 2 children while being pregnant though. But that pull will always be there i think

blinkineckmum · 20/08/2018 23:28

Three is just fab...

garethsouthgatesmrs · 21/08/2018 00:01

Everything you have posted in the pp suggests you don't want a baby but then you say you feel there is something missing so am not sure.

I just had my 3rd at 34. My other Dcs are 7 and 5. She is amazing and I am so glad I did it. I do love the baby stage though, it's quite a big deal if you don't. You will have months of pregnancy followed by over a year with a baby then a toddler who can't speak and all this time your other DCs are growing up and you can't give them as much attention... only you know whether it's right for your family but a 3 year old takes almost 4 years to make

User467 · 21/08/2018 00:05

I could have written this. Two great kids, everything ticking along nicely, no desire to he pregnant/have another baby, but is someone handed me a three year old I'd gladly accept.

BlueJava · 21/08/2018 00:16

I had twins, never would I have any more! Two is enough for us. But everyone is different.

LoveMoreSleepPlease · 21/08/2018 02:11

Just had our third! Absolutely felt compelled to have another quite soon after second was born. On a practical basis it made no sense but it's more of an emotional decision.

We've had to change car and holidays are already more challenging but I'm so happy we went for it. The lack of sleep is tough but I'm much more used to it then first time round

I'm late 30s so felt it was now or never and wanted kids to be close in age (all 2yrs apart)

eeanne · 21/08/2018 02:16

I have two and just can't fathom being pregnant and doing the baby stage again. So I share your sentiment about being handed a three year old! As it's not possible really I'm just going to be happy with what I have.

beclev24 · 21/08/2018 02:44

We just did it after similar dilemma and DC3 is now 8 months. In my experience all the dilemmas I had while deciding to go for it came true. Yes, it is a huge amount of work, very expensive, exhausting, often demoralizing trying to give them all enough attention etc etc. and yes it is wonderful having him here and he knocks our socks off. Both are true!

holidaycountdown54321 · 21/08/2018 04:35

I have 2 children already quite close in age and the youngest is only 12 months old, but I can totally relate to the people who say someone is missing, I really do feel this. My urge to have another far outweighs the practical things mentioned, I just feel like it's meant to be. My husband luckily feels the same. If it wasn't for a few career related reasons I think I'd already be pregnant with the third now.

I think if you are on the fence though and are happy with 2 stick with 2.

Wallabyone · 21/08/2018 11:33

I'm a few weeks away from having our third. I have a 6 year old and and almost 4 year old. I'm one of three and I always felt we would have three. My rational side knew (knows!) the world is set up for two children, but here we are!

loverly · 22/08/2018 12:40

Might be a very different thought but if you want a three year old....could adoption be a thought? That way you can skip the preg bit (although not underestimating that adoption and blending takes work)

Poodletip · 22/08/2018 13:42

If it's not going to leave you struggling financially, and if the urge is strong, then just go for it. I've never regretted it .

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