Have name changed because this is potentially outing.
I've been with my DP for over 12 years and have never been able to foster a good relationship with his family, and I can't work out why.
On the surface everything looks fine, in fact they'd probably not think there was a real issue at all. But our relationships have no depth whatsoever, and any attempt by me to introduce a topic that isn't weather, kids funny antics, holiday plans etc is just met with blankness.
For example, I lost a baby. It was a late miscarriage and I was pretty traumatised. Nobody has ever mentioned it. I currently have PND and have been pretty open about it, again they are completely uninterested in how I'm getting on. My DF had a cancer scare and nobody has asked how he is. My DS has recently been diagnosed with ASD and yep, you've guessed, it hasn't been mentioned since we told them.
My FIL died a few years ago, and I made a point of checking in (gently, not incessantly) with everybody to see how they were getting on and letting them know I was there for them if they needed to talk. I ask after their relatives that are sick. I send postcards from the kids and things they've made at nursery etc. And if it weren't for me my DH would never speak to them, because he's crap at phoning them.
But I get nothing back. Just surface chit chat. Nobody ever asks how I am. Just after the kids or DH's work. It's not outright hostility, but it's not warmth either.
AIBU to think I must have upset or offended them somehow? Surely I'm family too?