Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not be informed by text

5 replies

cheesywotsitfingers · 18/08/2018 17:39

So, for some reason my ds is always the person to tell me when someone dies.

When my dm died my df rang my ds and db, then got my ds to tell me.

Then over the last couple of years we've had three, what I'd class as major, family deaths. Again my df told my ds and db, then tasked my ds to tell me.

DF is a while other thread in this instance.

However every single time I've been informed of someone's death she tells me via text message.

Yes, I found out my mum had died by text message.

My ds lives in the same town as me (as does df) but cannot pick up the phone to call me and tell me these things, not come and tell me face to face.

She has no problem telling people things directly. She wouldn't be all teary and holding herself together. She is the bluntest person I know (told me when I was trying on a wedding dress it made me look "dreadfully fat. You look like a heifer" Envy

When I bring up the subject about the form of communication she tells me not to be so sensitive blah blah blah.

The most recent one she text me and then my db (bless him) phoned me immediately - despite it being the middle of the night in Sri Lanka where he was at the time.

AIBU? Should I just accept the fact that communication has changed as such that a text message is an acceptable form of delivering life changing news?

OP posts:
HelpmeobiMN · 18/08/2018 17:54

I’m so sorry for your loss, it must be very hard. I wouldn’t want to hear by text either but maybe it’s how your sister feels best able to manage. I hope you are all ok Flowers

KatieKittens · 18/08/2018 17:57

No matter how direct people can usually be, it’s probably still difficult to deliver bad news, even if tears are not shed.

People have different personalities and react differently to bad news. People also grieve differently.

Remember, when your mum died, it was her mum too. Your sister may not be a nice person, but in this instance I would give her a break.

OutPinked · 18/08/2018 17:58

So, so sorry for your loss Flowers.

YANBU at all. Of course nobody should be informed of someone’s death by text, not in the least their own Mother’s. Horrible.

sexnotgender · 18/08/2018 17:59

Texts are so inappropriate unless it’s auntie Edna 3 times removed who you met once.

I’d be really upset too, I can’t imagine opening that text message, I’m sorry for your loss Flowers

cheesywotsitfingers · 18/08/2018 18:38

Thanks everybody. It's just because a text I'll just spot and read, whereas a phone call is get up and leave the room.

The last couple of times I've been with my small children and I've started howling with tears and scared the life out of the 3 year old. I don't like them seeing me like that and would prefer the opportunity to be "out of sight" if I were to get such news.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread