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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How to survive 4 days with DM

40 replies

Really2018 · 18/08/2018 14:30

My mum has arrived from abroad with her fiancé. She has been here for half an hour, and I'm already thinking about acting out the plot from the Purge.

I need your help and ideas to entertain her and curb my fantasies of smothering her with my favourite pillow.

I love her dearly, but she is a massive handful and narc, has a never-ending waterfall of issues that she showers on anyone with ears, and is the reigning world champion of complaining.

I know this isn't strictly an AIBU, but I really need help to solve my predicament. She currently is on the phone to the motherland, furious about some package that hasn't arrived (but still has the energy to ask me what I'm going to cook for her later today).

Please help. I have attached a diagram.

OP posts:

Whereismumhiding2 · 19/08/2018 18:13

OP
Sorry I had to work yesterday evening... So..
What have evil postmen been up to?
What is the lawyers plan regarding her latest strife?
And mostly ... is she still alive today?

Original poster

Really2018 · 19/08/2018 19:08

She is still alive, but barely!

Apparently she's been feeling ill all day (as always), so she's been asleep. She only bothered to get her behind out of bed at 16:40. I don't know why I try sometimes. I'm not sure that I'm happy I got to spend the day without her, or increasingly pissed off that she just doesn't really seem to care about spending time with me.

The evil postmen are still evil, and when she has been awake, DM has been using every opportunity to let me know how amazing everything in her package would have been.

Bring on the return flight to the motherland! Will post day 2 diagram later tonight

OP posts:

Puzzledandpissedoff · 19/08/2018 20:15

She only bothered to get her behind out of bed at 16:40

I don't want to worry you, but won't this mean she'll be awake and whining late into the night?

If so, maybe you could claim you've caught her "illness", go for an early night with DH and indulge in LOTS of very noisy sex

WiddlinDiddlin · 20/08/2018 12:26

It's all gone v quiet OP ... are you digging a suspicious hole under your patio by any chance??

Gettingbackonmyfeet · 20/08/2018 12:31

And can we assist with an alibi (I have a low contact dm like this so I'm all for helping you out)

Original poster

Really2018 · 20/08/2018 12:43

We've gone bowling. DM has complained about the substandard housing in every part of the civilised world, and her OJ isn't fresh, but is definitely from a packet.

I have some flowerbeds that I might be able to hide her under...

OP posts:

Original poster

Really2018 · 20/08/2018 13:21

DM has just complained about how the bowling pins in the UK are not of the same robust quality as in the motherland...

OP posts:

RandomMess · 20/08/2018 13:49

36 hours left???

Hissy · 20/08/2018 14:20

Oh please just tell her to "ZIP IT FGS"

Suggest you say that the manners in the mother land are clearly primitive, but she's being an abysmal guest and that she should be grateful you can't rate HER on tripadvisor

Whereismumhiding2 · 22/08/2018 23:31

I have some flowerbeds that I might be able to hide her under...

Writing alibi as we speak...!

Gosh, how do we all manage in UK with substandard housing AND bowling balls?

All those other issues AND also evil postmen??!

I , for one, am shocked and thinking of contacting my solicitor too....
...Maybe your DM can refer me to her CRAY (or maybe tolerant!) Lawyer? Does s/he charge extra for mad calls?

Just asking for a friend.

pompomcat · 23/08/2018 07:28

@Really2018 I love that diagram (particularly the Nokia from 2005!)
Have four days gone by-what does the diagram look like now?? Has DM packed her bags and taken DFiance and departed, leaving you in peace on the sofa, or have you exercised a sub-standard bowling ball and she's under the patio????

KateGrey · 23/08/2018 07:35

She is American? Can you out rant her just for fun?

Gersemi · 23/08/2018 08:10

Seriously, would it hurt to point out to her that she's done nothing but complain since she arrived and it's time to give it a rest?

Stpancras · 23/08/2018 08:18

So glad to find you - I had an aibu this week about my Mum providing a passive aggressive picnic, only a handful understood but I feel everyone on this thread would. PAP (passive aggressive picnic) has now entered our family lexicon.😂

Poodles1980 · 23/08/2018 08:25

Was she sipping orange juice at the bowling alley? Very posh, my bowling alley just serves warm cans of coke. Myself and my dh like to play games with my dm. She complains about the ds outfit- he will wear that all week, she complained about the duvet covers last time so they will be on her bed this time, hates dogs- will rent a fucking dog if necessary

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