To be upset mil denies my son exists ?

[ILoveHumanity]

Hi all,

So I gave birth few months ago. There was tension between me and sil but I remained respectful and considerate throughout however asserted myself once and as a result mil took a stance and stopped putting effort with me. I continued to put effort and after birth she decided to punish me and DH by not wanting to acknowledge the baby or see him (she works abroad but visits frequently).

For few months she acted not moved even though my baby is her first grandchild. She also refuses that I refer to her as a grandma.

Yesterday my friend bumped into her at her workplace abroad, and my friend unknowing of the context introduced herself and they got talking ... mil pretended that she is my friend.. then when friend told her that she thought she is my mother in law ( she knows surname and knows the place where she works as we discussed it before).

My mil informed my friend that she is my mil (she was caught out anyway).. and that I was still pregnant .

My friend contacted me congratulating me for the pregnancy .. haven’t spoken to my friend since birth and I hadn’t announced pregnancy before but I was about to contact her informing her of my birth.. and now I feel stuck

I don’t know how I feel except annoyed with this unnecessary lying. Perhaps it isn’t personal but it does make me wonder why she doesn’t love my son that much as usually grandparents are proud of their grandkids.

AIBU to be annoyed ? I will tell my friend the truth but I don’t like how I now have to explain mil behaviour to a casual friend ...

Am I making drama out of nothing ? Is she like this because she is upset with me ?

You U.K. tell this friend as soon as you speak to her. The alternative is that you don’t tell her until your baby is much older and then she will feel offended.
You don’t owe it to Mil to lie for her in her craziness

I think this is an ageing thing, my aunt asked me to not bring up that she's my aunt if we're out together, she's my mum's step sister and 15 years older than me, but has no children and people often think she's younger than she is. She does it in a jokey way and is now telling people she's about to be a great auntie and seems to like people telling her there's no way she's old enough, but go back five years and she was serious about not telling people how we were related, looking back now I think it might have been related to irrational menopause hormones, which she now refers to as the 'crazy years'

Fash, you are right she is in her menapausal years so maybe that’s the issue here. Does menaupause cause this ?

I don't think it causes it, but from what my mum and aunts have said it can make you a bit irrationally hormonal, like pregnancy or PMT. Couple that with not wanting to feel old (my aunt), becoming 'grandma' a term you've associated with older women for most of your life and my mum said menopause hit her a bit because you realise you're past a stage in your life even if you're completely done with having children, she suddenly saw herself as an older woman. It doesn't excuse you're MILs odd behaviour, but she might be going through some stuff about her own identity/place in the world. My aunt now jokes about it and loves when people say she doesn't look old enough to be a great auntie and my mum just threw herself into being a grandma (although prefers Nana because grandma sounds old ladyish 🤷) . So hopefully this will work itself out.

Fash I hope so .. I guess I can’t hold her responsible for how she feels.