To be anxious about leaving my DS overnight

[queenworkerbee]

Hi,
Long time lurker. I'm MOH at my best friends wedding next week, it's the hen do tonight. It's an overnight stay. I've organized the lot and planned loads of surprises for her etc, I've been excited for weeks because I haven't been out in AGES.
However, I cosleep and havent left my little boy overnight for two years. He's with DH which is fine, but usually when I go out I come home and sleep on the sofa, he still cries out for me in the night you see.
I'm so worried he's gonna be distressed about me not being there.
I left him with my friend for ten minutes yesterday while I nipped out to get some food for her at the shop down the road, and he SCREAMED the place down until I got back (this is a friend who has looked after him for full days before too and he has been fine) . He's not like that with his dad, he's fine and really looks forward to them spending the day together but at nighttime he just wants mummy!
AIBU to ask for a hand hold and reassurance that one night out does not a bad mother make?
I feel like he's regressing at the minute because we are currently undergoing nursery inductions with a view to him starting in November (I work flexibly, mainly from home but I've been killing myself trying to look after him all day then do a day's work from 7pm until bedtime) - he's three and really switched on so understands what will be going on.

Goodness me. He's with his father. If anything it will do him good. Go and enjoy yourself and try not to fret about him and definitely get this "bad mother" notion out of your head!

Have a fab time

Then you can explain that you're sleeping at a hotel/friend's house and will be back in the morning. He might be unsettled but you can reassure him he will be with daddy; maybe leave him something like a special cuddly toy/scarf of yours that he can cuddle if he kisses you. He's not a baby and especially as he's starting nursery soon, you need to loosen the apron strings just a teeny bit.

*misses you, not kisses you! Stupid autocorrect

It will be good for you to have a night away. One night won’t hurt.

My DC of a similar age is obsessed with her dad. She is ok on the occasions he doesn’t stay at home

Agree with PP. At 3, he can understand that you will be out and daddy is looking after him. He’s got into a cycle of expecting you to always be there and he now won’t settle if you’re not, which must be very tough on your dh as well as you. I would hate to feel that as a parent I couldn’t calm and settle my 3 year old child.

Honestly he really will be ok; I would explain it all clearly and then go and have a great night

Thanks, he's a proper daddy's boy normally and he loves their special days out just those two. We've just got into a routine of me cuddling him to sleep, started off sleeping alone as a newborn but I used to feed him to sleep in the middle of the night when I was sleep deprived. Then feed him to sleep at night. Then when we stopped bf he still wanted to sleep in mummy's bed.
Big girl pants are ON. It will be fine.

At three he's old enough for you to explain a few times before it happens and he should understand. Make it fun - "in a few days/weeks mummy has to go to a party and Daddy will be looking after you for the weekend, it's a special daddy and Billy weekend! There might be a treat you and daddy can share! (ice cream? Or a toy like lego) and daddy will do bedtime and be there in the night" etc etc. Tell him a few times. I was like you, and didn't leave my DD, and breastfed her to sleep until she was three, but had to start getting her used to Daddy doing more when I was pg with DC2. We moved towards daddy taking her to his mum's for a couple of nights so I could have a rest - she enjoyed it so much she asked to stay another night! Now DH does any wakeups and half her bedtimes.

AIBU to ask for a hand hold and reassurance that one night out does not a bad mother make?

One night out definitely does not a bad mother make. I understood you're anxiety but he will be fine with his dad and you are allowed to enjoy yourself. Please don't feel guilty about leaving him. I agree with others too that he's old enough now to understand that you are out for one night and will be back again tomorrow. It will do both of you the world of good. Have a fun night x

It's probably about time he was weaned off total reliance/dependence on mummy. And this is a good time to start. What will he do if you have another DC?