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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I normal, or am I losing my mind....help :-(

11 replies

Continuously1 · 17/08/2018 13:14

I work in a very high pressured job, which has been hellish in the last few years. In my role I've had to deal with some really serious issues including suicide, serious abuse cases and violence due to mental health issues - I feel like I lurch from crisis to crisis with no support. My parents are having a very hard time and I worry about them. I feel close to burnout with little options of getting out. I manage a large team, teach, oversee big research projects, write, publish, etc. From the outside I think people view me as very competent, confident and in control, with the perfect life. Inside I am a bubbling, quaking mess, like a volcano ready to explode. Just some of the 'symptoms' I have include, constantly panicking when away (I work away quite often) from my beautiful children that they've died (I've literally played through every possible scenario of how they could die), there are songs that come on the radio where I barely feel I can breathe as i imagine playing them at a funeral of my husband or children, I avoid going out with my friends as I just can't face being around lots of people, I've put on weight and avoid people because they will think I'm fat and avoid going places, I snap at my children and then feel wracked with guilt, I go over the top with our days out to make up for having for working 80 hour weeks, I can't stop my mind from whirling constantly, I don't sleep - then I'm tired - then I comfort eat on sugar - then I put on weight (see the cycle), i feel too fat and disgusting to have sex with my lovely, wonderful loving husband, I drink too much to try and relax, I just feel a failure and I can't climb out. But on the outside I know people think I'm flying, I have a high research profile and some big successes to my name. Put me in public with my 'professional' face and I can talk to large audiences, lecture and be really confident. I keep thinking about visiting the Dr but I am almost too afraid that if I go there I will fall down the rabbit hole and never return. I am applying for new jobs and hope to change my career direction, I'm confident I can, but this will take at least 3-6 months and I really am wondering how the hell I can hold onto my sanity and self for that period. I feel like I am losing my mind. My husband is wonderfully supportive but really worried about me, and doesn't know what to do. Are there any magic wand strategies people use? I know my job is central to this, taking some leave over summer, the thought of returning to work sends me into the panic, but i have to earn and have to find a ways forwards whilst I try and move.

OP posts:
BlueUggs · 17/08/2018 13:18

I don't think you are losing your mind but I agree that you sound close to burn out.
I have had thoughts about my children dying and panicking about that - it's horrible and very upsetting.
Have you had counselling? I thought it would be shit, but actually found it really helped my anxiety. Thanks for you

LukeSkywalkerBoots · 17/08/2018 13:20

The most important thing in your life is your health. The end. Not appearances, not your job, not anything.

I can well imagine how exposure to saddening/ disturbing cases could affect you so much and to have it affect your mental health.

You must take it seriously now and put yourself first. It sounds to me like you’re suffering from crippling anxiety at the very least (I have a log MH history so I know a fair bit about it).

The first thing you must do is the see the GP. Every time I’ve done that when I feel in a state I feel immensely relieved for reaching out for help. You must tell them every single thing you’ve written here. It might well be that you need therapy to work through your fears and upset. It may also be that you need to take a sabbatical or time off work. Just as you’d take time off for a physical problem you have to give this the same importance.

I know exactly what you mean about thinking if you face it all you might fall down the rabbit hole, but in actual fact if you DONT face it the outcome could be far worse. You will feel relieved for taking the steps your body and mind are telling you they need. Your job needs to take a backseat to your health now. X

ItsalmostSummer · 17/08/2018 13:23

I had similar symptoms then got diagnosed with anxiety and depression. Go see your GP.

MaggieAndHopey · 17/08/2018 13:30

It sounds like you're dealing with a huge amount of work-based stress which is seeping into the rest of your life, and you urgently need a break. Please do go to your GP. Get signed off for a bit, or if you feel that is not an option, you could consider talking therapies to help you with strategies and/or medication. Best of luck - I hope you start feeling better soon.

CSIblonde · 17/08/2018 13:30

You arent mad OP you are very stressed & as a result of that a bit depressed too. If you are on you way to a new career, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Thankfully you have Leave coming so that should make a lot of difference to your mood & energy levels. Your anxiety & thinking about death sound like you are depressed too, so Counselling until your less stressful work life kicks in would probably really help.Good luck.

Tashley · 17/08/2018 13:32

Sounds like you need a counciling service within your job maybe some of the cases have affected you and that is resulting in this , maybe have a chat with your gp you could just need a well earned break along with some counciling/support help I honestly can't imagine it being easy having to deal with abuse cases ect and getting no support for what you've seen and and delt with , is there nothing you can access within work ? Or go to your gp but definitely you need some support with how to manage and deal with what you've seen and delt with . But your not loosing your mind or going crazy .

ImAIdoot · 17/08/2018 13:41

I'd say are you me? Except the issues I deal with are different to the ones in your second sentence.

All I can offer is solidarity Flowers Wine and I will be keeping an eye on this thread for good suggestions.

stillworkingonit · 17/08/2018 13:45

I feel for you so much. I have a massive contrast between my public work self (competent, respected, I also teach, work in MH) and my inner experience (suicidal depression, anxiety, some SH, food issues, lack of intimacy). 3 yrs ago I ended up in therapy, discovered where it all came from, spent a lot of time and money addressing it. Turns out for me it was unprocessed childhood trauma (cptsd) coupled with chronic denial and intellectualisation which functioned well... up to a point.
My life is so much richer and I am more connected to others after therapy. It has been very difficult and slow but worth it to start enjoying my life again.
I saw therapy as me trying to get to know myself, understand how I'd ended up with a life I was enduring / surviving, when on paper it looked perfect. At the beginning my wonderful therapist reminded me that it'd taken 40 yrs to get into the situation I was in, and changing it would take a long time, and have to be done in manageable bits. I've learnt to say no and tolerate making mistakes and make choices that are protective of me and my family, none of which I was managing before. Although I'm not working more/harder, I'm wiser about work and have been promoted and more successful professionally than before.

I do recommend doing something to find a way out of this. It's no way to live Flowers

ThatFridayFeeling · 17/08/2018 13:45

See your GP or look into counselling services in your local area eg Healthy Minds are low level and self-referral.

DPotter · 17/08/2018 13:55

I think the point of burn out has arrived Continously. Please take yourself to the GP and taken some time for yourself to re-charge the batteries. Your comment about your children hit home for me, when I was on the verge of clinical depression, I was always thinking of my DD dying and what would happen.

Please take time for yourself

Verbena87 · 17/08/2018 14:02

Good ideas that you’re already working on: making changes to your career/job so you have better long-term well-being.

Magic strategies that have worked for me, as requested: weekly counselling with a counsellor I liked and respected (got this via NHS referral as I was having suicidal ideation, though I didn’t really recognise it as such at the time, so worth a GP visit in case they can get you sorted quickly - it does happen!) and learning to run and running outdoors for half an hour 3x a week (NHS couch to 5k podcasts)

Really hope stuff improves for you soon; you sound intelligent and kind and understandably fucking knackered. BrewFlowers

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