To expect my sister to visit our mum in hospital ....

[clumsymum]

Rather than go to choir practice on Tuesday, and a practice for the office 'pop group' on Wednesday?

I mean, my sis and I spent loads of time in hospital in our younger years, and my mother was ALWAYS there, spending HOURS at our bedside.

My mum had a knee replacement on Saturday, and will be in hospital for 1 week to 10 days. I live 130 miles away and am planning to drive down to visit on Thurs (cos I know sis has to work late that day, and I've organised after school care for DS), but my sister is 15 miles from Gloucester, and went for about an hour yesterday, says she will go tonight, but can't on Tues and Weds, for the above reasons. Mums neighbours might go on Tues, but there is no one to go on Weds. i think being in hosp with no visitors is miserable, and I think my sis is being selfish (again).

Apparently she can't miss choir practice again. She didn't go last week cos she and BIL decided to go out for a pub meal instead !!

Think you are being slightly unreasonable. It is not as if she is not going at all. It is up to her conscious if she wants to go every day or only a few days. You are not going to be there every day either.

She is probably saying well, I have already been there once, and I am going again tonight. I am only saying that I can't go Tuesday and Wednesday, sister is saying she is only going to go ONCE. Why can't my sister just take down her DS and stay at mother's place, so she and her DS can both go see mother.

Um.. I can't just go down there and stay for 2 or 3 days cos of school term-time and my work. I'm not expecting sis to take time off work.

Can't you set off early, as soon as ds goes to school? And be back in time for him coming home?

It takes me 2 hours to get to my brothers house 150 miles away, so if you leave at 9, be at yours mums by 11. Stay to 1pm then be back for son at school by 3pm? I know it's a rush, but worth it if you don't want your mum left alone.

Probably because your sister is closer in terms of distance to your mum most of the load is laid on her?? I know this is what has happened in my family, the sis who is nearer mum is expected to do everything

She missed choir practice for a pub meal with her husband, but won't miss it to visit her mum in hospital?

She lives fairly close, and perhaps fine if she doesn't go the night your mum's neighbours are visiting. But if your mum has nobody to visit on Wednesday I think your sister should really go.

YANBU

Firefly, it is a bit of a rush, cos the M1 M42 gets a bit congested. I'm scared of cutting it fine and leaving poor ds stranded at school.

Apart from which I don't think I can go down both wed and thurs, just a bit too much driving, and I'd planned Thurs cos I knew sis was working late then.

And sis doesn't get much load on her, Mum generally doesn't need much. Over the years my Sis has relied much more on my mum to babysit, and do school collection etc.

My sis told me earlier this year that we were stupid to take mum on holiday with us, she said they would never do that.

Oh, sounds difficult.

Does your mum have any sisters or friends who you could call to visit her so it's not such a long day?

recently dh's gran had a heart attack & ws in hosp for a fortnight. I visited her every day through the day as I was at uni in the same town. MIL often said gran didn't need visitors that night as I had been in during the day. As a consequence I visited quite often at night as well as daytime hours.

It's hard with families isn't it.

I kwym about leaving ds stranded.

That's the problem, there isn't anyone else to visit, as Mum doesn't have any social contacts at all (long story, until my father died they were very insular, now my mum doesn't seem to want to make any new friends).

The neighbours apparently might visit today or tomorrow, (so it could be Tues and Weds that mum has no visitors). I know they won't go twice cos they're a bit mean about petrol.

I don;'t mind going, it's just the logistics of school (and anyway, 7 y.o.s don't really get the idea of hospital visits, If I took him too he'd be bored after 10 mins).

It's beginning to look like ds and I might have to go down to stay next week after mum comes out of hospital anyway, because sis has made it clear she doesn't intend to spend any time with mum while she gets used to looking after herself with the knee all strapped up.

Thanks mylittlestar, at least YOU don't think I'm unreasonable.

I guess she'll just have to manage with rubbish telly for 2 daysthen. I feel a bit sad tho'

When my mum broke her ankle 7 years ago, up here with us, ds was a new baby (6 weeks old) and my sis didn't come near, either to the hosp or while mum was being nursed by us at home for 7 weeks. I think this still gets to me a bit.

I really think she should go. When it comes to visiting times and the people in beds all around you have visitors and you don't, it can be soul destroying.

Crokky, I know.

It really is depressing. I think my sis really is being a bit cr*p about this.

I told my mum that I'll come on Thurs cos sis is working late, but Mum says I mustn't, she'll worry about me driving back (I drive miles, used to do 25000 a year when working full time).

So now I'm really stuck.

Anyone in Gloucester want to be a surrogate daughter ?