Only child vs larger family

[Frosty6611]

My DP and I are considering only having one child for various reasons. When I told my sister she was horrified and said the child will grow to resent us for not having a sibling.
Interested to hear others opinions on this. If you were an only child, or have an only child, do you think it’s ever been an issue towards happiness? Thanks

I never understand why people ask this question. People who were or have an only child can't tell you if they would have been happier or less happy with more, and people who have more can't tell you if they would have been more or less happy.

Any one person can only ever know one side of it, anything else is projection, guesswork and waffle. Do what suits you and your family, nothing else.

DD is an only, though not out of choice but I would say she is happy enough, particularly when she’s being annoyed by her friends’ siblings! She has a close circle of friends and is close to her cousin who is also an only. Friends who are onlys have spoken of having very close relationships with their parents. I do worry when I think about caring for us when we’re elderly (I can share this with my sibling) but equally her siblings could end up 1000 miles away!

Your sister sounds a bit of a dingbat, tbh.

We Have one child and we are sticking with one through choice,do what's right for you and your family

There are varying views on mumsnet of adult only-children, many of whom had a wonderful experience as an only.

I was an only child and grew up to have 5, so that says it all for me, really.

In my experience, it was a lonely life. No siblings, very few cousins, lived in an area with very few children around.

I still have challenges relating to others as I never learned the intricacies of relationships through practice with siblings, I was lonely, have few friends as an adult.

To me, it was a sad life and I always wished for a sibling. I swore I'd never do that to a child of mine - one of my biggest fears after having DC1 was for her if we couldn't have more (although I'd have put things in place to make sure her upbringing was different to mine).

Many others will tell you what a wonderful life it is for a child, but not in my experience

Your sister is a moron. Any unhappiness I have concerning my parents has fuck all to do with my not having siblings.

As is repeated every time this subject comes up (usually once every other week it seems), many people will say that they don't get on at all with their siblings. So, presumably those people resent their parents for them NOT being an only child?

@Frosty6611 i loved being an only child. My partner comes from a huge family, but we have both decided we only wanted 1 child

We are having one. I had horrendous PND with her and I can't face doing it again. We always planned for one but it cemented it.

All I remember from childhood is fighting with my siblings and none of us really speak much now - we all live in completely different places and we barely know each other so they haven't really brought much to my life. Sounds horrible but our family was pretty broken and we all went and did our own thing.

I am an only child and am having what will be an only. I loved it - no resentment over fairness, no sharing my mum and dad, lots more holidays than we would have had as 4 or 5 of us.

Plenty of people have siblings and see very little benefit, particularly with an age gap. DH speaks to his sister about twice a year.

Rapunzel those i reasons why I make a big effort with socialising for DD and why, for example, she will go to a local school - it’s super-important she doesn’t feel isolated. As it is she has 2 schoolfriends within a 2 minute walk and others not much further.

I think what you describe wasn’t down to you be an only, it was down to other decisions your parents made.

I’m one of four, but my mother is an only child. In the pros, she was very close to her parents (now sadly passed on) and learned a lot of skills from spending a lot of formative time with adults, she’s great at DIY and gardening (from her dad) and sewing and knitting (her mum). She often said she was very lonely at times and it affected her decision to have four children. She isn’t spoilt because my grandparents didn’t spoil her. They gave her what they good but wouldn’t have given into demands. Just good parenting, really - Inthink the myth that only children are spoilt is exactly that, a myth.

When I saw it become hard for her was when my grandfather became unwell at the end of his life and needed a lot of care. Not only did the practical burden of that fall of on my mum (though my dad and siblings and I did what we if could) but there was a real emotional toll of notbahving siblings to discuss things with. I realise that siblings sometimes don’t get one, but my mum found it isolating to be without them. She now finds it hard that there is no one left who shares her early family life with her.

I do think only children can have a great childhood, turn out amazingly etc, no different from anyone else. It is what you male it, but it’s good to look at issues beyond childhood.

Anyone, as I said, I’m not an only child and I’m sure those who are will have something to say.

I have a brother and he's an asshole. I'd have preferred to be an only child! My DD is also an only child and were 100% happy with that decision. More time money etc to spend on her.

Do what works for your family, not what your sister thinks.

I am an only child and there were pros and cons. As a younger child it was fine as I had cousins and friends to play with. I did yearn for a sibling and had several imaginary ones that I would play with instead of real people, which seems sad to me now. I did observe the fighting my friends did with their siblings and was glad I didn’t have to go through that.

As an adult I have found it quite lonely and isolating on occasion. When my parents divorced it would have been nice to have someone with whom to share that burden. I will have to care for them alone and grieve for them alone. When my daughter was stillborn I really missed having a family network of support. But there are no guarantees that any siblings will be close, and maybe being estranged from your siblings is lonelier than never having had them.

I wouldn’t have another child just to give your existing child a sibling. They may hate each other, the second child may have disabilities which impact the first child etc etc. Plus your attention and money will be shared instead of all on DC1

I have a sister who I can’t stand. Even as a child I used to wish I was an only child and I still do now as an adult! I’m sure there’s only children who longed for siblings just as much as I wished to not have any!

Have a second child if you want one, absolutely. But not just as a sibling. Many siblings have wonderful relationships, many also don’t. And there’s no way to guarantee it, its down to personality far more than parenting.

@RapunzelsRealMom me too. I hated life as an only and still do thinking I have no adult siblings to lean on or confide in.
Both my parents worked full time, my parents friends had older children so no one my age to play with, no cousins or relatives near by, lived in an area with no children my own age. It was pretty shit.
I'm pregnant with DC2 and so happy I can give DD a sibling.

I have plenty of friends who are only children. I am my DF’s only child but DM had one more after they separated so I’m sort of an only child on one side . We’re all well adjusted, none are spoilt, all have grown up fine and have regular careers. It hasn’t affected any of us negatively from what I can see.

If you have an only child they will have plenty of friends from school, clubs, any cousins etc. They won’t grow up lonely at all. It’s also a myth that children only socialise and communicate with other children, they also gain a lot from adults.

Having an only child works for your family so don’t hesitate. It would be bizarre to feel pushed into another child simply because of a relations opinion.

I am an only child and my DD is also an only child (not planned but time and circumstances mean it’ll stay this way). I am a social person and very close to my mum. I don’t remember being lonely as a child but I went to the school across the road and had a lot of local friends.
My DD and I are close and we do lots of activities together. I do enjoy a play date as it means I get a few hours to crack on with the housework while she plays!
I think it’s a personal choice and there is no right or wrong answer. It depends on many variables finances being a major one.
For me as a lone parent I would have really struggled to be able to afford the extras for my child and although I am sad I’ll not have another child (loved being pregnant and the baby stage) I think it’s worked out for the best.
DD is happy, sociable and has a wide group of friends. Do what you feel is right for you.

I'm an only child and I have an only child.
I like my own space, as does DS but have lots of friends and wider family.
DS does like being an only child, but he also likes that we have a large extended family. We go on holidays with my cousins, aunts, uncles etc ... but he likes that it's just the 2 of us in the house so he gets alone time, which he needs.
I don't remember being lonely either, but like I said, that's just who I am.

I’m an only, I have 4.
I wasn’t ever lonely as a child but did miss ‘having my corners knocked off,’ as my mum would say.
I didn’t really get teasing and didn’t know when people were joking or being serious. I think that being called poo-head by someone who loves you ie your siblings, can be very therapeutic.
Now I’m the only carer to my dying mum and now it does feel lonely.
Just my opinion though, you must do what’s right for you.

Only child here. I love my parents and don't resent them for one minute for not giving me an annoying, overbearing sibling.

I'm an adult now and very independent, capable of being left in my own company and not 'needing' other people.

Your sister? Fuck her!

We have an only. He is extremely happy and confident. He goes to a fantastic private school, any and all activities he wants to go on. Our full attention. Lots of pets and fun activities. We are going abroad next year and taking his cousin with us to keep him company. Nothing is too much for him but he is sweet and not spoilt.
We couldn't give him all this time, energy and experience if we had another.

I was an only. Didn't bother me at all growing up, but as I've grown older it saddens me that when my parents die I won't have any close family left - my cousins etc. all lived miles away and were rarely seen, so we're not particularly close.

Do what's right for you. There are no guarantees either way. A sibling could be their best friend, worst enemy or anything in between.

Personally speaking I adored being an only child and I love it just as much or possibly even more now. I've never really wanted a sibling and I don't feel at all deprived. In fact I am very relieved that I don't.

No ones happiness can be or should be built entirely on the number of siblings they do or don't have.

There are probably some only children who claim to be unhappy because they don't have siblings to confide in but they actually have no basis for comparison. I have a brother but am not close to him, could never confide in him or ask a favour of him, he just makes it very uncomfortable and difficult for me to have a relationship with my DM (he lives at her house and is always there).

Obviously there are people who's lives have been genuinely enriched by their siblings but you certainly can't guarantee this will be the case.