AIBU to be anxious about school

[MusicalMouse]

My children are excited to start the new school year. However, I’m awful at socializing with the other parents, and I’m sure my kids suffer because of it. So I’m anxious about the social side of school.

We have been in the school a couple of years already but haven’t really forged any strong friendships.

My children get left out of some play dates, and when we invite others to our home, it doesn’t get reciprocated. The oldest one was a pfb but is a good egg...even babysitters agree, so I don’t think that’s s reason for being excluded. He is naturally shy, and used to get bullied at his daycare (before he started school). Hi sorry confidence had been growing until about 9 months ago when he learned he was getting another sibling. He’s 5 now and siblings are 3 and newborn.

At play dates (sometimes the whole year group gets together) I’ve been sure not to discuss politics or religion, mostly we talk about kids but I feel like my chat is dull... How do you make small talk with other parents? How do you make sure you’re kids aren’t excluded more than average?

Appreciate the advice from those of you who’ve been through Pugh this this, or who know how to socialize.

Ah, the minefield of the school playground!

There was a thread on here the other day talking about play dates not being reciprocated and I think the concensus was that it rarely has anything to do with the children, more the busyness of the parents.

For first time visits I always try to invite the parent and child (ren). Sometimes this works and I've been able to make friends. Other times I just haven't really got much in common with the parent but have still continued to have the children round. No big deal, just not going to be hanging out with them all the time.

On the playground I am willing to talk to anyone and find that people are quite happy to engage in small talk. This rarely translates into social visits though. Again, I think this is more to do with people being busy than because they don't want to talk to me. (As I never get blanked or have a short, stilted conversation.)

All I can say is, everyone seems to be a bit in the same boat unless you have a little group of mates you spend all your time with. More and more people I talk to echo the difficulties of making school mum friends but maybe are all too busy over thinking it to get past it.

Just hang on in there. Keep having kids over, inviting people and engaging in conversations where you can and you'll find some people to spend more time with/coffee after school run perhaps?

Thank you little blue bird! Can I ask, what kinds of things do you say to other parents? I’m sometimes so nervous that I blurt out silly things...it would be great to have a couple of sentences handy just to break the ice. I mean, the weather really isn’t that interesting

I understand what you mean. I always try to compliment to child to the parent as an ice breaker, for example "that's a lovey Tshirt X is wearing, the colour really suits" then the parent might reply about where it came from and I can say they have some nice bits there, then we can talk about our local town or turn it to cafes or soft plays or the roadworks or wherever it flows next. As people are talking I always listen for hooks, so if they mention their sister or their mum, my next thing would be to ask if they live close by or if they see them often etc.

Thanks bones! That’s a skill to know what follow up question to ask! I usually blurt out something stupid if it’s in the moment but there are only so many directions a conversation can go I suppose!

I think another key thing is try to say positive rather than negative things, so instead of "I really struggled to get parked, it's such a nightmare" say "isn't it lovely to see the park so busy, even the car park was full when we arrived".

Tiredtomybones gives good ideas.
I also normally start with an observation about the kids, a mention about an upcoming school event ie isn't it great year 1 are going to the zoo next week? Dd is really excited. Is yours?
Sometimes I mention something in the news - big news item for example the bridge collapse in Italy or a local issue - such and such shop is opening/closing. Can be controversial but sometimes helps as an ice breaker.

Sometimes I just ask what they did at the weekend or if their child is planning on going to a club or event at school.

Thank you both so much! So...go ahead and talk to anyone (even the intimidating ones!), listen for hooks, keep up on current events, and keep it positive

Have a play date tomorrow (hooray!) and will practice

I just wanted to add, don't feel like you need to fill every pause or moment if silence with another comment or question. The other person is just as much responsible for the conversation to flow as you! So be patient, let them think and don't think that just because there is a moment of silence it means your conversation is dull or that it's your fault! 😊

Yay! Hope it goes well. X