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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Fear of burglary

24 replies

y0rkier0se · 17/08/2018 01:47

Yet again I’m laid awake at nearly 2am, next to snoring DP who’s already been woken up once by me going downstairs to triple check the doors, worried about being burgled. Its worse at the moment as the bulb in the motion detector light in the back garden has gone. It’s always been in the back of my mind, and I typically go to bed before DP as knowing he’s downstairs makes me feel safer, but as it’s the school holidays we’ve been staying up later and going to bed at the same time - he falls asleep quickly, I lay awake till the early hours and only really feel
comfortable going to sleep when it starts to get light. I know IABU but finding it really difficult to get over.. all doors and locked, windows are locked apart from our bedroom one which is open, the dogs are upstairs with us, I’ve been downstairs and turned on a lamp. Just need to
vent/talk to anyone who feels the same really

OP posts:

PenelopeFlintstone · 17/08/2018 01:50

Your dogs would comfort me. Do they bark if they hear something?

ManyCrisps · 17/08/2018 01:52

I think you should see your GP

Original poster

y0rkier0se · 17/08/2018 01:53

They’re not barky dogs really, definitely not the kind that bark whenever they hear a noise but I think they would bark if they heard someone in the house. Definitely if someone they didn’t know came into the room.

OP posts:

teaandtoast · 17/08/2018 01:55

Could you have a burglar alarm fitted?

Original poster

y0rkier0se · 17/08/2018 01:55

I’ve been wondering whether to go to the doctors as it’s impacting on sleep, but don’t know how much is normal worrying/when it crosses the line into anxiety. I’ve never had any issues with my mental health before.

OP posts:

Original poster

y0rkier0se · 17/08/2018 01:57

I probably could tea, I will look into it! I always lie in bed at night thinking I need to get this and get that, but in the day it doesn’t cross my mind once. So it’s not like it’s on my mind 24/7, it’s just when trying to get to sleep.

OP posts:

PenelopeFlintstone · 17/08/2018 03:28

Are there a lot of burglaries where you live? As in, is it actually a rational fear or is there only a small chance?

Seniorschoolmum · 17/08/2018 03:41

In addition to a GPs appt, I’d call the local community support officer and ask them to send the home security advice man round. Get them to tell you that your house is secure or if there are any issues that need dealing with.
And I haven’t ever met a dog that wouldn’t fuss if someone they didn’t know was poking around the garden at night. So I’m sure you are quite safe tonight.
Warm milky drink, and focus on something else like your Xmas list. xx

SleepWarrior · 17/08/2018 04:16

You can fit sash jammers to any windows or doors to make them inoperable even if a lock has been broken - some extra peace of mind.

Although obviously there's got to be a balance between reasonable security measures and fueling your concerns.

Squarepeg29 · 17/08/2018 04:42

Poor you, I’m the same.

Have spent years either being alone, or being alone with children, as DH has worked away for months at a time. As well as the usual measures already mentioned by posters I have insisted on a full alarm system with motion sensors covering all areas, and an internal Claxon (which would wake the dead).

I have burglar alarm boxes front and back clearly showing installers name and number. The front box also has lights. This I hope gives the message that the system is in use and well maintained. When we had it fitted the installer told us we were unusual in doing so without first being burgled.

I sleep safe in the knowledge that my downstairs is “live”.

SusieQ5604 · 17/08/2018 04:57

I had someone TRY to break in around 8pm when I was in my den...I called police who came roaring up...never found him but I got a security system the next day (which I routinely set off by accident) and I bought a gun which I keep by my bed. (Yes, it's the US, we can do that, sorry) also, believe it or not, I have a lot of cats, several of which GROWL if they hear someone drive up or at the door!

I wouldn't worry at all if I had a DP...I agree that maybe you should see your GP...

FixItUpChappie · 17/08/2018 05:15

I empathize OP I have terrible worry about this to the degree that I put things in front of the door before bed Certainly an alarm seems less bizarre and fire hazard-ish. If I'm alone with the kids I will lay awake for hours worried about protecting them. I'm not sure what the solution is but I wonder too where the line is from worry to problematic anxiety.

GimbleInTheWabe · 17/08/2018 07:15

My parents have a fab doorbell system. It's potentially called iRing but that's off the top of my head. Anyway it has a camera on the buzzer and films everyone who comes to the door or even passes it using the motion detector. It alerts your phone immediately and show you the live stream of them at your door and all the clips of people at your door or passing it(/snooping around) are saved in to a cloud. It uses the WiFi and they said it was easy to set up. They are like Fort Knox though with electric gates, full CCTV, security lights, burglar alarm and this bell system. They're neighbours got burgled and they were able to give the police loads of clips from their system

GimbleInTheWabe · 17/08/2018 07:17

And I forgot to add- I also sympathise with you OP but I do also agree that potentially getting some advice and maybe help for this would certainly help you sleep better as it seems like the worry is impacting your quality of life.

Sleepyandtired21 · 17/08/2018 07:40

Could you get one of those security lights with a camera? I’m the same I have terrible (unfounded really as never had a break in) fear and anxiety around burglaries. I think this definitely sounds like anxiety and almost an obsession - I really feel for you as I know how consuming it can be. Contact a doctor for some support if it is meaning you can’t sleep. Hope things get better for you

cloudtree · 17/08/2018 07:42

Could the dogs start to sleep downstairs?

ThePants999 · 17/08/2018 08:50

I’ve been wondering whether to go to the doctors as it’s impacting on sleep, but don’t know how much is normal worrying/when it crosses the line into anxiety.

I don't know what it is that this has crossed a line into, but it's definitely far past whatever line it is. A long way from normal I'm afraid.

mavismcruet · 17/08/2018 09:01

Please don’t let this go on. My mil has worried like this all her adult life. She barricades herself in, has numerous alarms and dectectors and is suspicious of everyone who walks past her house. It’s really really sad. It saps her energy and that of people around her. She is now in her 80s and has never been burgled.

Original poster

y0rkier0se · 17/08/2018 09:17

Thanks everyone, I decided to stop looking at this post as I thought it would keep it on my mind and I read on my kindle for a bit and eventually fell to sleep. There’s some great ideas on here about home security, thank you. I think I will phone my GP and see what they say. Someone asked if there were many burglaries round here - there are a fair few yes but it’s never happened to me. My dad was broken into last year but in the middle of the day using an unlocked door whilst they were in the house and my uncle the same - they took house and car keys out the unlocked back door then came back in the night to steal the car. I always leave my handbag and car keys on the stairs, so if anyone breaks in for them they can take them and go. I am very conscious that I don’t want to feed this and it turn over into an obsession - I want to give it as little headspace as possible and it genuinely doesn’t cross my mind all day, I just can’t get to sleep at night! I’m going to go and look at an alarm system today, it might help put my mind at rest.

OP posts:

Goth237 · 17/08/2018 23:58

OP I'm exactly the same when I go to stay over at my parents house. I avoid doing it as much as possible now. Having a lock on the inside of my bedroom door helped a bit, but my lovely brother has taken that off . I always imagine awful situations, but then my mind goes to really dark places. Anyway, I sort of manage by staying in the living room where the TV is. I'm able to sleep a bit if I'm in there but not usually until early morning. Good luck OP.

SebastianTheCrab · 25/12/2020 23:54

Sorry to revive a zombie thread but this is me to a T - unfortunately, in my case, fueled by the fact someone once did break into my flat in the dead of night while me and DP are sleeping.

I am currently in the exact position Op is re: going to sleep before DP. Had a short course of sleeping tablets from dr but hasn't helped.

Is anyone else in the same boat?

Yukay · 26/12/2020 03:33

I had the same issues sebastianthecrab after someone broke in. Getting a house alarm fitted has really helped me be able to sleep through the night.

sneakysnoopysniper · 26/12/2020 03:55

I had an attempted break in two years ago and immediately installed a new security system. Just the sight of new alarm boxes is off putting to burglars. I also have panic alarms in every room so if I just hear a suspicious sound I can set the alarm off. I also "test" it for a few seconds onca a month.

With all these lockdowns in place one positive effect is that the chance of burglars breaking in is very remote. Everyone is sitting at home bored stiff. So at the least sound they are at their doors and windows looking to see whats going on. Breaking into an occupied home is very rare.

One form of burglary which used to be very common is so called "distraction" theft. This is where one or two people pose as workmen/council officials/social workers etc and try to talk their way into your home. With covid and lockdowns there are far less genuine workpeople about so householders are more suspicious when someone knocks the door and pretends to be "investigating" a gas leak/water pressure/blocked drain etc.

Most crime has now moved online in the form of internet and phone scams. But beware people pretending to offer test kits or vaccination slots, etc.

sneakysnoopysniper · 26/12/2020 04:24

My sis has just pointed out that the pandemic might provide an excuse for criminals using the "emergency" regulations in your area to talk their way in to "check" this or that. Particularly common with the elderly who are are apparently more likely to co-operate with some one they believe is an official or charity worker etc. Anyone citing right of entry should have the police with them!

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