dB and his dp's female plumbing

[Goosegettingfat]

Text from dB: "Lottie has been told she has to have her Fallopian tube removed"
Me "oh that's terrible, I'm so sorry (etc) does she have PCO? Is that why?"
Db "no it's not that. I'm not sure of the details."

Disclaimer: I am no medical professional, but is this not odd?? If i was having a major (and emotionally upsetting) operation, I would discuss it in detail with DH and expect him to be interested and be able to give a basic description to concerned parties. Is this what other people's relationships are like?? Genuinely interested before I send him a reply asking WTAF doesn't he know

I'd wait until your DB's DP tells you details (or chooses not to - whatever she decides) it may be she wants to keep it private - anyway don;t badger just wait. (I had my fallopian tube removed because I had an ectopic pregnancy in it - it was an emergency and I was very very ill - it may be that your DB has other things on his mind than giving details of why the op is necessary)

Hope she is OK - obviously a worrying time for you all, and I'm sure they will tell you when they are ready.

(As an example of inaccurate reporting, when I had a MMC, my (now X) H told people I'd had an abortion, better that your DB has said he doesn't know than he makes something up !)

If he really doesn't know then I do think that's weird, I'd certainly tell my dp the details if I was having surgery. But I also think it's extremely weird that he'd text you telling you about it in the first place. And I think it's even weirder that you'd reply asking for specific details rather than just saying "sorry to hear that, hope she's ok". So, as a family it sounds like you're given to what I'd consider oversharing. Nothing wrong with that if you're all the same and happy to share, but I'm a very private person and would be livid if my dp discussed any aspect of my medical history with anyone. So if he really doesn't know why she's having the surgery my best guess would be that his dp is also quite private and has deliberately kept the details from him to prevent him broadcasting it to the entire family. But only you will know if this sounds plausible of course.

Tbh I find it quite weird and over shary that your DB texted that, never mind further detail.

I can imagine texting 'Lottie has had bad abdo pain and will need surgery' but I can't imagine sharing someone else's gynae hx with a sibling.

No-apparently she had other removed 3 months ago, so no dc for them

I really thought it was just my dB being a twat. I have sent more messages of love and condolences instead

He's just said thanks and that there are visitors coming round to take care of "us both". I do think he's a bit of a twat.

it hadn't occurred to me that they might still be in the midst of a tense and traumatic situation and therefore didn't want to talk in detail but just wanted to let me know.

They will need time to work through this themselves, especially if it is an ectopic pregnancy, in addition to which your SIL may be in a lot of pain and feeling rough.

I think your DB sent a “light” text and is being very sensitive.

I think it's pretty insensitive to probe into the details, I know I would be furious if my husband shared my private medical details with his family.

If it's something like an ectopic pregnancy, they are probably going through a very traumatic time. They might be grateful for offers of help with e.g pets, driving etc, but I doubt they want you to know everything.

He's just said thanks and that there are visitors coming round to take care of "us both". I do think he's a bit of a twat.

I'm not sure why he's being a twat tbh. If she has had an ectopic pregnancy then he's lost his baby too - as well as any chance of having one 'naturally'. Yes, your sil is the one physically (and possibly arguably more emotionally) affected but your DB is hardly a complete by stander here.
Have some empathy.

Perhaps he didn't tell you incase you posted their private business on Mumsnet? Oh, you just did anyway 🤔

Gosh even in your follow up post you sound massively insensitive. So if she’s had an ectopic pregnancy he’s not allowed to grieve the loss of their baby? Wow.

Let’s hope she’s not on here, eh??

MN never ceases to amaze!

Mind your own business. You sound like a fucking busybody.

I know I sound like a witch. For context they have been arguing on and off for the last few months because he didn't want any more children (he already has 2 dc) but she did. So I that's why I'm not picturing him grieving or being put through the emotional wringer as much (and also, even if he did- what man says "to care for us both" when it's only his DP who has been under the knife??) and frankly I have always thought he undervalued her. But I hear it, I'm being too harsh,

I bloody hope that's not her real name in your OP.

Not quite a weird as him texting his sister about it!

jamie no of course it's not- busybody I may well be, but moron I ain't

And just to clarify- I was being at my brother's I think definite possible blasé-ness about a very serious health incident of his DP- I really was never making light of her heartbreaking trauma, so my apologies if I caused offense because it seemed that I was.

Not the point of the thread, but PCO wouldn't be a reason to have a fallopian tube removed. It's an odd thing for OP to assume/question about.

Well i did say I wasn't a medical pro! And I didn't assume- i asked him. You know, because i didn't know!

I have endometriosis and PCOS. I doubt my husband of eight years could tell you anything about either condition aside from the fact I get bad period pains 🙄

I agree it is insensitive to probe and he may be saying that because the reason is one they might not want to share.
Pelvic inflammatory disease and many other things can lead to this.
She may have had an ectopic.
They have shared what they are comfortable sharing. Leave the rest alone

I really had no intention of probing. I just really didn't know if this was life-threatening or just very sad (and uncomfortable) I've just sent her lots of sympathy directly instead

Why on earth would you be cross with him for being a bit sketchy on a text about a seemingly complicated gynaecological problem?! He might be having a bit of a panic and not thinking straight/communicating effectively. She might have told him not to tell you the details. He might not totally understand exactly what has caused this.

Perhaps he does need a bit of help if she's going to be recuperating for an extended period.

I think it's more weird that you asked why and want to know all the details. How about just saying "sorry to hear that, let me know if I can do anything" That would be my response.

I can't see why he should be discussing the reasons why with you in the first place. There is literally zero reason why you should need any more details than you have been given. He may well be staying that to shut you up or as a polite way of avoiding saying mind your own business I'm not telling you my wife's gynae history.

I'm not sure why he's being a twat tbh. If she has had an ectopic pregnancy then he's lost his baby too - as well as any chance of having one 'naturally'.

All of this. You really need to work on your empathy and compassion before you speak to them again. You could really hurt them with your words at a really sad time for them. You’re being more than ‘harsh’. It’s quite possible they’ve BOTH lost a baby and had any choices about future children taken away from them which is completely different to decideding of your own accord.

I have to say too, coming back to this thread this morning, your thread title is really quite crass and unpleasant. Even if you didn’t know exactly what was going on, you’re talking about someone’s else’s health.