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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not change DS in a cubicle

41 replies

upsideup · 16/08/2018 16:07

Took DC swimming this morning, DS2 is 4 so came in with me and DD's. There's no family changing room and children under 8 are allowed in with adults of the opposite sex.

He was stood a few feet already dressed with older dd while I was getting DD(3) changed, just stood still talking not messing around . Another woman came in with two girls and said something to him like come on you go into the pool now as there's no need for you to stay just to watch the girls getting dressed when your ready'', it looked like she put his hand against his chest and sort of under his armpit to try and turn him and guide him around to the door rather than to actually push him over but he jumped back from her and tripped hitting his back on the edge of the bench. I went over and she did apologise and say she didn't want him to get hurt but that she just felt startled to see a boy just stood around and apparently her dd's who had gone to the other side of the room to get changed straight away were uncomfortable.

DS has long hair so this is luckily the first time this has happened to us (though a few weeks ago I was told to put a bikini top on 'her') but I've seen quite a few boys and mothers of boys being told off for just being there before. When I mentioned this to the staff I was advised that I should change him in cubicle from now on and as there was no room to install family changing rooms they have had to consider making a rule that if you bring little boys into the women's or girls into the men's then they have to be changed in a cubicle as there has been lots of similar issues recently.

I've got two kids who need help changing and I'm pregnant so the cubicle is too small, its much easier for us to change in the main room where we we have no problem. The kids behave and I watch they don't get in any ones way so there's no need for me to put them in a private cubicle.

So AIBU to think that is a ridiculous suggestion and to not hide DS away in the cubicle when hes never done anything wrong and so isn't the problem? That there should be proper signs saying the changing room is for women/men and children U8 and providing the private cubicles for anyone who isn't happy with that? And perhaps the adults who are unable to control themselves from shouting at and hurting children in the changing rooms should just be banned all together?

OP posts:
DartmoorDoughnut · 16/08/2018 16:08

He’s 4! What the fuck is wrong with the world where this is a issue?!

Bobbiepin · 16/08/2018 16:10

Why can't the other kids change in the cubicle if they are that uncomfortable? He's a baby.

Cath2907 · 16/08/2018 16:10

He is 4???????????????????? The woman is nuts!

IWantMyHatBack · 16/08/2018 16:11

He's 4?!

The other woman was was being utterly ridiculous. Change in the main area, as per the pool rules.

Original poster
upsideup · 16/08/2018 16:21

He is actually 5 next week but tiny and baby faced, definately doesnt look any older than he is.

OP posts:
LongSummerDays · 16/08/2018 16:25

So she was going to send a possible non-swimmer young child to the pool by himself? Shock

Coffeeisnecessary · 16/08/2018 16:25

Absolutely mad. He's 4!! Don't understand why anyone would be uncomfortable.

MyDirtyLittleSecret · 16/08/2018 16:26

I thought I must have misread and you meant 14 - but no, I see he's 4. WTF is wrong with people these days? Seriously, the whole penis in women's spaces issue applies to 4 year olds now?

And regardless of sex anyone irresponsible enough to suggest a 4 yr old go get in the pool unaccompanied by a parent shouldn't be around children at all. Batshit.

JynxaSmoochum · 16/08/2018 16:37

What a load of bonkers people Confused
A 4 year old of either sex is completely appropriate in a communal changing room of the appropriate adult. He's 3 years under the threshold for goodness sake!

Also general policy is that 8 is the minimum to be unsupervised and access the pools.

DS is 7.5 and I've begun training him to use a cubicle in readiness for him turning 8. He ìs quite ditzy which may be connected to a mild learning difficulty and still needs managing to get changed accurately on a reasonable timescale. We've had no issues with using communal female changing spaces as I have claustrophobia which is triggered by the cubicals, and I can't go into assist him. (My room 101 would look like a poorly lit changing village with all that awful, awful stuff overhead. Shudders)

Keep reminding any crazy fools that the policy is for under 8s.

Pengggwn · 16/08/2018 16:40

I would have gone mental.

"Don't put your hands on my child. Get off NOW."

Lucked · 16/08/2018 16:44

This is crazy my tall 6 year comes with me and will do for a while longer. No one has ever batted an eyelid.

I can't believe she tried to send him into the pool on his own.

ladydickisathingapparently · 16/08/2018 16:47

She’ll struggle when we are all allowed to self-identify as male or female as we choose then!

Sorry but no. He’s 4 FFS. And nobody but nobody would lay a hand on my child and cause him to fall over without there being serious repercussions.

greenlynx · 16/08/2018 16:48

He is only 4! You are absolutely right to use changing room as it’s more convenient for you. And this woman was out of order completely.

Alibaba87 · 16/08/2018 16:49

I know they don’t get naked, but most primary school kids of that age will get changed into their PE kit behind their desks altogether, so not really unusual. I wouldn’t have thought anything of it either OP.

Rachelweasel · 16/08/2018 16:50

YADNBU. That woman is crazy. He's 4!!! Says more about them if they were uncomfortable. I would've flipped if someone had put their hands on my child Angry

Mishappening · 16/08/2018 16:51

Is he a remarkably well-developed 4 year old I wonder??!! Grin. The woman is bloody nuts!

CloudCaptain · 16/08/2018 16:54

Other woman was completely out of order and sounds like she's the main source of the problem. I would have been quite angry with her for touching my child and for her stupid comments. My 4yo would drown in the pool by himself. At his swimming lessons there are boys and girls up to age 8 getting changed with their parents in both the male and female change and no one bats an eye.

aperolspritzplease · 16/08/2018 16:55

This is just bizarre. He's 4!

spiderlight · 16/08/2018 16:56

Hang on - she tried to send a FOUR-YEAR-OLD into the pool by himself?! I would have been livid. What a bloody stupid woman.

Lavende · 16/08/2018 17:02

Mental. He’s a four year old child for god sake. How dare she put her hands on your child.

MissVanjie · 16/08/2018 17:02

he's only 4, what a very stupid woman. like others say, I'd have gone fucking mental and she'd rue the day.

Trethew · 16/08/2018 17:03

You could tell her he identifies as a girl and she should respect that. That should shut her up

Lookatyourwatchnow · 16/08/2018 17:06

How dare she try to move your 4 year old into the pool area! How dangerous! I would have left her in no doubt about how I felt!

SnuggyBuggy · 16/08/2018 17:06

If he's under 8 he is under 8 and that woman had no right to do what she did.

OtherUsername · 16/08/2018 17:07

I would be having very strong words with someone who tried to tell my 4 year old to go off somewhere without me!