I still live with my ex, but he’s moving out soon, in couple of months. We have three children, today I was telling my eldest DS off, ex hears it and comes storming out of the bedroom. He’s stands there, looking at DS who’s crying. I told him to get out, because DS has been naughty and needs a timeout. Ex tries to start an argument, saying “who am I to tell him what to do, and he will get out when he wants etc”. He then takes DS to his bedroom and starts talking to him.
Why do I have an issue with it? Because ..
1. whenever ex tells the DCs off, NOBODY can approach the children, and if he tells them to go to their bedroom NOBODY can go in there and take them out.
2. When he tells them off, I just take a step back and let him do his thing, even when ds2 is crying his eyes out and reaches out for me, it hurts but I don’t get involved. Sometimes I’ll get involved if I believe he’s telling ds2 off for minor things, like when ex asks for a hug and ds2 refuses to come to him and clings to me, ex gets offended and tells him off. I get Involved, and he will tell me to shut up.
Tbh he’s just a big bully, very controlling and domineering, very aggressive. Thinks he can do whatever he wants, and DS2 and DD are closer to me than him, but he always says DS1 is his “favourite “ my eldest, and I know that’s the only reason why he came out today. Had it been DD or DS2 I was telling off, he wouldn’t have bothered. Him and DS1 are close, which really baffles me and also hurts, because I’m the one grafting trying to make sure my DCs have everything they want, takes them out, buys their toys/present, clothes, food. Four weeks into the school holidays and he hasn’t taken them out once. Only thing he does is play with them whenever he feels like getting off his phone. I’m the one who’s dealing with the stress of sorting the kids out, so it does hurt that DS1 is closer to him and he’s only 5 but still.
Today I just lost it, and said from now on I will get involved every time he tells them off, and will comfort them if I believe he’s in the wrong. I also locked myself in the bathroom and cried, i just feel like I’m not in control, and he always has to come out and play hero.
But I honestly don’t know what I should do? Should I just bite my tongue, and wait til he moves out so I have full control of the kids and house, or should I just give him a taste of his own medicine and get involved every time he tells the DCs off?
I just don’t want the DCs to see us arguing, cuz I know he will start an argument if I get involved, because he doesn’t like to be challenged. Any advice would be appreciated, MN jury. Thanks