How many times do you say "no" before losing it?!

[newcastlefcsuperfan]

Kids are 6 and 8. They're adorable, apart from when they aren't.
I just want to know the average number of times a parent says know before getting really cross! Today it was cycling on the road. They ask each time we go out. They aren't allowed as frankly they are unsafe. But they ask and ask. At. Every. Bloody. Junction.
Then it'll be chocolate or sweets. Or some such crap.
I think once should be enough most of the time, pushing to two at times. Any more than that is not acceptable.
Argh!!!!!

I thought I had this all sorted with 'no means no' by the time mine were 6. But DD is about to turn 12 and has started with this shit again. Please? But why? But why can't I? And sometimes just sidles up and LOOKS at me instead of asking. It's making me feel like I'm losing my mind.

Coming to the conclusion that parenting teen DD is going to be much like parenting toddler DD. I'm bringing back 'no means no' today!

Just had this with DD aged 6 so I can count:

Can I have a snack?

No you’ve just had a second breakfast.

Ooooooh but I’m hungry!!

No darling.

Ooooh but I want a SNAAACK.

No.

Ooooooooooh!!!!!!

NO! AND YOU ARE REALLY ANNOYING ME NOW!

So three and then I’m annoyed it seems. It is daily and around everything, three weeks into the holidays I’m pretty worn down...

I ha e this with DS! (13) Ilook him in the eye and say “read my body language - do you really want to have a row with me? I am starting to get stressed, so I suggest you leave it there”. He knows I mean it!! He usually sidles off in a sulk

DS1 is 4. He is obsessed with the bloody TV. Approximately ten times a day we have the following conversation :

‘Can I watch tv?’

‘Not now, darling, maybe after we’ve been to the park later.’

‘But can I watch now?’

‘No, not now. Why don’t we get your paints out?’

‘But can I watch a little bit of Dora the Explorer?’

‘DS, what did I JUST SAY?’

‘You said no.
...But can I watch Blaze?’

‘NO! I said NO. And if I have to say no again you won’t be allowed to watch anything later either.’

‘Ok, sorry Mummy.
...
...now I’ve said sorry, can I watch Paw Patrol?’

My son is autistic so I have requests on repeat from before I open my eyes. Usually the same question or request on repeat until he gets the answer he wants. It’s exhausting and I really don’t have the patience for it.

I say no once, then I say “did you hear me when I answered you before?” And then I ignore.

Curious2468 DS is possibly autistic too - assessments ongoing. The repeated questioning is definitely one of the aspects of his behaviour I find hardest to deal with, but I’m not sure when it’s normal for 4 or when it’s excessive!

At 4 lots of the repeat questions were anxiety based here. We got ‘what are we doing today?’ ‘What are we doing the next day?’ Etc on repeat even if we had told him 20 times already. Also ‘I’m hungry’ even if he was holding a snack. It was very much a needing a focus other than where we were at the time. Good luck with assessments. The limbo in between where you think they are but it’s not confirmed is so long and makes it difficult to know how to respond.

What did I say when you asked?
No
So what do you think I'm going to say now?
No...but...
But nothing, the more I have to say no, the more things I will start saying no to. How about we start with TV later? Or should we just accept that the answer is no?

Usually works, and only took a few times before it stopped even getting to that point, does occasionally but usually that's enough to stop it now. Did have to go through with it a few times but I deliberately chose stuff I wasn't bothered about them losing (e.g. nothing to do with a friend as it's not fair on the friend)

They know we can have a discussion about it but not a strop, so something like

Can I have a doughnut?
No, there is only one left so it will cause an argument between the others
Could we share it? I could cut it in to 3 pieces
Ok that sounds like a good solution, yes you can

Can I go and play on the trampoline please?
No you need to go and tidy your room
Can I play on the trampoline now if I promise to tidy my room later, because you said it is going to rain so I won't be able to later
That sounds reasonable, but you have to promise to tidy your room in 1 hour
I promise

Can I have some crisps
No, I'm cooking the tea so it's too late to have something else now
But I'm hungry, pleeeeeease can I have crisps
Did I say yes or did I say no the first time?
No but...
So is my answer going to change if you keep asking
No

I try to approach this differently. Instead of saying No, I say yes whenever possible. I'm not a pushover, far from it, but it's about using different / more positive language

For example, if DS asks to go swimming, I don't say no. I say "yes, perhaps at the weekend"

To use OP's example, where children are asking to cycle on the road and it's not safe, I don't say no. I say "yes, absolutely, when you are 12"

If DS persists, I don't lose my temper. I say "you can carry on asking as many times as you like, but I will keep giving you the same answer. If you want to have this conversation all day, that's up to you"

In the case of the road cycling I would be tempted to say something sarcastic like “yes of course you can, if you want to end up in hospital with broken bones or worse.”

My DC have got a lot better at accepting no as an answer, thank fuck. They used to be terrible for nagging but I think I said no enough times for them to appreciate no as an answer.

I often end up saying yes because I pick my battles. If a kid wants a snack I give em one

I used to use the "yes, when you're x old or when x happens..." a lot. It felt better than a constant stream of "no. no. no. I said no. because I said so" in that it didn't shut down any possibility but also let them know that now is not the time. It even worked with on the spot biscuit or tv requests, "yes, when you've eaten your lunch or yes when you've tidied your toys up or yes when we've come back from the park". It's a bargaining tool that benefits both sides and mine would often come to me with compromise already in mind. It made the occasional definite 'no, you may not go rollerblading on the motorway - ever" easier to swallow.

I have this all the time with DGC. I try and set a time when the desired objective is allowed and if they keep repeating I say "TV at 5 pm remember"; or "snack after you have eaten all your lunch and if you still feel hungry." etc. etc. i.e. YES with conditions. Seems to help - a bit!

But they are persistent little buggers!

Oops - poster above me said same thing - sorry!

I have a very persistent 4 year old made worse by the fact that his dad will give in if he nags enough.
I say no twice the 2nd time comes with a warning of a time out and the third gets a time out.
I don't get pestered so much anymore but he still tries it on sometimes.

Lol, I do the yes when you're older thing.it doesn't work anymore.

It takes about 3 to 5 no's before I start to lose it.

Mine is only 2 so he is still extremely cute when he tantrums and my biggest issue is not letting that fact slip rather than getting cross. I just want to laugh at how adorable over emotional he gets over the littlest things. Plus his wants are very simple (usually a biscuit of some kind or to get out of eating green things or “nooo we don’t want to wear clothes!).

I can imagine it’s much more annoying the older they get and the sneakier their manipulations get.

I have this problem and the opposite I get asked for something I say yes then they continue to harrange at me to the point where I ask them if they wish me to remove the treat off them?