To wonder where my sexuality is

[Bimgy85]

Why have I never wanted to 'explore' my sexuality? Why when I'm with a group of girlfriends and they're laughing and chattering about 'getting naughty' why don't I understand that?

It really gets me down, and I don't feel normal. Even in my relationship, I've never had the urge to 'explore' fantasies or sexual engagements. Quite frankly sometimes I wish sex didnt exist.

I've never really felt that sexual excitement in everyday life or naughtiness that I'm sure most couples have, and this is with previous partners too.

Could it be when I started having sex I was always pissed drunk in the process, and have associated it with that? Or the fact that when I was 16 I used to be a bit crazy and dirty talk with older men and lost my virginity to a 45 year old stranger at a very young age

I feel like an old granny and I'm only a young woman, I just don't feel like a young woman with a lust for life/ sex/ anything really.

I can't bond with people. It's becoming a regular thing that I can't deny, I start jobs/ education/ and find myself meeting people and getting on great, but then watching the others around me form proper bonds and friendships, but I can't get past that. I end up feeling awkward and an extreme anxiety comes over me.

Didn't really know where to post this, but does anyone relate?

Have you researched being Asexual? It my apply to you... I may be completely wrong as I'm straight and never questioned my sexuality but it does sound similar to a video a lady posted my long ago that I watched. Good luck either way sorry I don't have any other advice :( x

It sounds like you are asexual or need to work through some past issues regarding your sexual experiences.

maybe you are asexual?

I am heterosexual. I am not into someone unless there is commitment, closeness and love. I simply feel no sexual attraction to random people, not everyone is promiscuous.

I think it would definitely be worth researching asexuality (though it is still quite a tricky definition which covers several things), but I also think if you can afford it or get it through your GP then some sort of talk therapy would be good. Not to 'fix' it, necessarily, but to give you some context and someone impartial and professional to talk to. Finding it hard to bond with other people can be about anxiety, for example, even if you don't feel scared or worried. Best of luck :)

I don’t think everyone is into kinky fantasies. Do you want to have sex with a partner if you are attracted to them or are you never interested?

If you have a group of girlfriends who talk about sex with you; they probably quite like you - it's a bit intimate for a stranger! So is the bond issue just at work; or just recently?

I don't think being drunk will have affected anything, but it's possible that you just don't have those urges. When you talk about your history with older men - did you feel a desire to do it then; or was that behaviour just what you thought you should do/for attention/something else?

I am heterosexual. I am not into someone unless there is commitment, closeness and love. I simply feel no sexual attraction to random people, not everyone is promiscuous

This is me. I don’t ‘fancy’ strangers, celebrities etc. I don’t want to have sex with people I don’t know. I like having sex with DP. And I liked having sex with DPs before that but I need a relationship and closeness, for me, sex is part of that closeness and it doesn’t feel right outside of that for me.

Everyone is different.

Sexuality is a nuanced thing OP so please don’t worry that you aren’t normal because you don’t have it figured out. You may be asexual and experience little or no sexual desire (this doesn’t mean you don’t want or can’t have romantic relationships). You may be demisexual, and only feel sexual attraction to a specific partner with whom you have a romantic connection. You may be heterosexual with a low threshold of sexual attraction. Or as you suggest, it may be that past experiences are affecting the way you now experience sexual attraction.

It’s worth doing some research and reading accounts from people of different sexualities to help you find your way around your own feelings. But please don’t worry or think you’re abnormal - there is no right or wrong way to feel or not feel sexual attraction.

Just went into my room where the radio's on - by chance, if you're interested, today's Woman's Hour is talking about asexuality (I think this link will work for listen again?) www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b0bf4crz

But it may, as pp have said, not be that at all. Either way the main thing isn't to fix you , but to fix what is making you unhappy.

It might be worth looking at AVEN www.asexuality.org/ It might fit you, it might not. There are forums too.

If you're not interested in anything then it could be depression.